Biggish (5+ years) age gaps. How well do they work?

[MGMidget]

We are contemplating trying for another child but there will be quite a big age gap. We have an only DS who is 6 so he will be at least 7 by the time a new baby arrives. I am wondering whether we will be doing the right thing! It means going back to the baby stage after we've got comfortable with getting a good nights sleep again and the relentless attention required for a baby and toddler after we've got used to being a bit more relaxed with our DS knowing we can take our eyes off him for a while/let him play by himself in another room and he won't harm himself. He also now has a busy schedule of activities and play dates. He doesn't conform to any perceived stereotype of being a lonely only, he's very sociable, makes friend easily and seems happy with his lot. Indeed he says he doesn't want a sibling although perhaps he is too young to know what is best for him?

I would be grateful if anyone who has DC with a similar age gap can help me get a good idea of what to expect. Would you share could how it has impacted on family life and would you do it again with hindsight? Thanks!

There are 6 years between our boys and I had all the same fears. DS1 cried when we told him he was going to be a big brother, it took him a while to get used to the idea and then he was very excited. We involved him every step of the way, he enjoyed shopping for his sibling.
We found out the sex of the baby for DS1 and I think this helped a lot.

My sister looked after DS1 when I went to hospital and he was up and dressed at 4am ready to meet DS2! The moment the boys met is a very special memory

Once home DS1 was very emotional for a short time, we provided lots of cuddles and reassurance and really encouraged him to help care for his brother , he took this responsibility very seriously.
I didn't breast feed DS2 and I think this was a positive thing for DS1 as it meant I wasn't always with the baby. We had always taken turns to do bath, book and bed so this could continue too.
We were very lucky that DS2 slept well from birth (DS1 was awful until 13 months!) so I didn't find it too tiring having a baby around again and it's true what they say about no. 2 being a breeze compared to your first! You just don't worry as much and trust your instincts more. I found the 2nd year tough at times with an inquisitive toddler, I get very little peace and it can be frustrating losing your spare time again but it's only for a short time.

The boys are now nearly 8 and 2 and DS1 says they are best friends. They are wonderful together, we've just had a few days away and DH and I got so much pleasure from watching them together. We've seen sides to DS1 that perhaps we wouldn't have had he remained an only child.

Oh and DS1 now thinks we should have another baby because he would like a sister!

Another point I've just thought about is DS2 is banned from DS1 bedroom, this means he can get some peace and quiet and the lego models are saved from destruction!

Catchingzeds, thanks so much for the insight! I think my DS is very caring and thoughtful with younger children so I am hoping he would have a relationship like your two! Good point about banning DS2 from DS1's room too as I was worrying how we would deal with all the age-inappropriate toys! Not sure they will all fit in our DS's room though but that's another thing we need to address!

Well I couldn't take anyone in to DS1 room as it's organised chaos!
Hope it all works out for you all

I think it very much depends on the personalities of the children involved. I have spoken to people with a big age gap and their children got on really well, and others whose children didn't. Sadly, mine (7 yr gap) find each other really difficult, despite ongoing efforts to encourage the contrary!

I am currently pregnant and my Ds will be 9 when this one is born. He cannot contain his excitement as he has been begging for a brother or sister for years. I think it will be easier with a big age gap as my ds is very independent and loves helping. I am hoping it will be easier than chasing a toddler around with a newborn. I will find out soon enough!

We have a 5 1/2 year gap (step siblings). DD was desperate and we wanted another so went for it. It has been great though at times I wonder why we've gone back to sleepless nights etc but these don't last long.

They adore each other to the point now DS can talk he asks for her all day long while she's at school!

We have a 7 year gap between ds and dd. It's still early days as dd is only 11 weeks but so far ds has been wonderful. He is smitten with his little sister and has been mostly gentle and kind - he's learning as he goes along how to interact with her having been an only child for so long. I am thrilled with how he is with her! He also said he was fine being an only child and never showed any interest in babies, until he found out I was pregnant. When it became a reality he started being interested and excited, and was thrilled when she finally arrived
I was also worried about going back to the baby days, but now I'm in the midst of it all I feel is grateful to have the opportunity to be doing it all again. My friends have all gone through the baby stage though so it's been a bit different from my first experience with ds - all we talked about was babies then, now I feel it's less of a big deal and that I'm more on my own. It's fine though, to counteract that is the fact that I'm a lot more confident and relaxed second time round and as a result (and lots of luck of course) dd is a delight and has slotted into our family like she has always been there.
I would write more but it's the witching hour so am off to walk dd round the kitchen

There is a 7 year age gap between my 2 children. What was lovely in the baby days was that DS could still have special time with me as a baby whilst DD was at school. That meant you had the best of both worlds so still able to go to baby groups and then also have time with DD in the evenings. DD loved having a baby brother and helping dress him etc.
The downside is when DD has lots of later clubs such as swimming lessons/brownies etc. It can mess up bedtimes for DS and does mean he has to go out in his pyjamas when should be tucked up in bed.DH doesn't get home until 7.30pm

For 95% of the time they absolutely love each other but even with a big age gap they can squabble and fight terribly. This is mostly when DS (now 4) annoys DD(11). I guess this can happen at any age though. It is important that DD has her own space.
However it was definately the right thing for our family to have another child despite the age gap. They dearly love each other and wouldn't be without one another.

My DH has 2 older sons 21 and 24. They don't see a huge amount of each other now but they all get on very well when they do!