babies sleeping in own room-how young?

[TeaAddict235]

I know that in the antenatal classes it is advised to make newborns sleep in the same room as parents until 6months, but our 3 month old has outgrown his Moses basket and the cot won't fit in the room with us. Baby is a noisy sleeper and ebf means that he eats every 2-3 hours. Plus his room is right next to ours and we sleep with the bedroom doors open. When DH leaves for work I bring DS into bed with me to feed and cosleep around 5:30am.

what was the earliest that your newborn slept in their own room?

I would and have always kept my babies in the same room as me until over six months, why take the chance with your babies life. Normally they stay in my room until about 16 months but that's just because I miss them when they go into their own room.

My only concern when people say things like "why take a risk with your baby's life" and similar is that for some people keeping their baby with them 24 hours a day for 6 months feels like a very, very long time and may be a real struggle. Say if your OH works away, or long hours, or you are a single parent, something like that. Not even being able to put your baby down in the bedroom for an hour or two in the evening before you go to bed can feel very difficult if you have no support at any point during the day.

I just feel quite strongly that comments like that can come across as "you're taking a deliberate risk with your baby", which is insanely unhelpful to a mum who might be struggling for any reason. When you are in the middle of it 6 months seems such a long time.

I think the 'take a risk with your babies life' are from mums who (like nearly all of us) live in fear of the worst happening and know they wouldn't cope.

Mum's struggle true but they are hopefully adults who can weigh risks up- babies are dependent on you and can't look after themselves.
Ok i struggled for years with infertility (and mc's) and would have loved more than the one dc I have but sometimes people don't know how lucky they are. and then they risk the most precious things. Heartbreaking.

Maddening. poor poor babies. A moses basket in the living room - or quietly reading, mn or even sleeping whilst baby is in moses basket is a break.

Being a mum is not always easy. - but I'm not sure that is news to anyone. Although when they arrive it can be a different type of difficult than you imagined.

I have a partner who is sometimes not around (and know a few single mums) who spending times with their babies is the most precious thing. maybe if people need to escape its a bonding issue.

I know what you are saying, Andcake, but saying that if you need to escape you have a bonding issue with your baby, or that you care less about the worst happening, is extreme. It's not a bonding issue to be struggling with a baby who doesn't like to see in a lit room with any noise, and to think that you might like, at some point that day, to be able to cook and eat something more than toast, or do the washing up. If you are going to be in the same room as your baby 24 hours a day, how do you effectively shower, eat, pee, do the little bits of housework that are essential to keeping you and your baby fed and cleaned?

Parenting is all about risks and decisions. There are about half a dozen points in the current SIDS sleeping guidance, and it is up to you as a parent to make an educated decision and decide that if your baby is asleep on their back in a cool room, for example, that you will take that hour or so away from them so you can manage to cook something vaguely decent.

Parents who do let their baby sleep in another room from them, or leave the pram in the garden, for example, are not doing it because they are less caring of their baby, and to imply as much is again unhelpful.

I don't mean this all to say 'shove the babies in another room as soon as you can' but there is a wider picture always with parenting.

I'll rephrase that because I know I'm waffling

It's incredibly helpful for posters to suggest ways that they managed to get a bigger cot into their bedroom, or found a place for the baby to sleep downstairs in relative peace and quiet etc. That's what places like MN are for, sharing great tips and advice.

I don't think it's hugely helpful to say things like 'why on earth would you take a risk with your babies life' and guilt trip someone who might already be struggling for one reason or another.

Until 1 year. At around 6 months he started sleeping through really well and I was loath to do anything that might disrupt that

We had to move some furniture out to get the cot into our room when he outgrew the moses basket at around 3-4 months though.

The whole 'baby needs to hear you breathing in order to regulate their own' theory is pure speculation, as is the Carbon Dioxide theory. Nobody knows why having them in the same room reduces the risk.

Exclusively breastfeeding reduces the risk of SIDS, but in all the threads about introducing a bottle if formula etc, nobody wails on about how you are taking a risk with your baby's life.

Mine was in their own room from a few months old. I actually read the research, and decided that the increased risk of SIDs was minuscule, whereas the fact that I was so exhausted from being constantly woken by my baby shuffling around her Moses basket put me at a much higher risk of crashing the car, or developing PND. We all started sleeping so much better.

Hear hear Thurlow. I was lucky enough to feel total adoration for both my babies from the moment I set eyes on them - NO problems with bonding - but there are times when I am absolutely desperate to get away from them for a break! I love my children. I also love my time alone. I would have been a FAR worse parent if I didn't have time to breathe during the day - to cook, clean, watch tv, relax, have a glass of wine -while my children have napped. And I need space in the evening. That doesn't mean I'm a bad parent or don't love my children. People suggesting otherwise increase crippling feelings of guilt and inadequacy in already stressed out parents. Happy parents, happy children.

thank you for the really rounded opinions and examples of experiences. Especially the discussions on SSids; I agree that sharing experiences and tips is what MN is for.

I cooked, cleaned, relaxed and had the odd glass if wine, doing these these things and following the guidelines aren't mutually exclusive.

You don't have to stand staring into the pram while they nap! And nor does it have to be the mother doing all this.

Also agree with Thurlow - it's not fair to suggest that one mother cares less about risking their baby's life than another just because of different parenting choices. By that statement we should all breastfeed, only use video monitors, never co-sleep etc etc.
And having been to the funeral of a boy who died at 22 months from SIDS it is also naive to think that at 6 months old your baby overnight develops immunity to anything bad happening to them.
I put my son in his own room at 10 weeks not because of bonding issues or because I didn't care about him but because I needed to sleep between breast feeds and felt it was better for both of us if I wasn't insanely exhausted all day.

I completely agree. It's personal choice and what works for some may not for others. My DD was put into her own for daytime naps from 11 weeks and sleeping in own room overnight from 15 weeks and it was the making of her. Up until then she simply was never rested enough and was hypersensitive to noises and light, wakening very easily. It got to the stage where she was so over-tired she was extremely distressed from 9pm onwards and wouldn't settle until sometimes as late as 3am. Every night. When I put her into her own room for the first time she slept right through.

Read up on what causes SIDS, and then make an informed decision based on how your baby is at the moment (good weight, good health, no issues with back sleeping, non-smoking household, correct room temperature). Do you use a dummy? Remember that they have been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS. I don't have a monitor either as baby is right next door, I leave both doors open, and make checks before I go to bed.

I know of two cases personally of SIDS; a neighbours baby who sadly died at 6 weeks old (in the same room as her parents) and another who was 9 months old. Tragedies unfortunately will always happen.

For daytime naps around 6 weeks. Went in own room at night from 14 weeks.

Only just stopped using monitor though....at 3.5

10 weeks for DS as he was sleeping through the night by then and we kept disturbing him (used a video monitor though). DD was shipped out at 12 weeks in the hope it would make her sleep better. Ten weeks on she's still up every 2-3 hours so still sees plenty of me during the night.

In real life I don't know anyone who has waited six months to move their DC to a separate room. As with anything though it's obviously a personal decision based on all possible risk factors. In my case all other SIDS risk factors are low so I was and am comfortable with the decision to move rooms.

Phew, nice to see some other people agreeing - I always feel in a minority on this on MN!

No one should ever say "move your baby into their own room" and the whole "mine was fine" statement is purely anecdotal. But sharing experiences is what MN is about.

Real life means that a lot of women are on their own with their baby from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep and they don't have a partner to help during the day or in the evening. Real life also means a baby that won't nap happily in a pram or moses basket in the same room as a telly or the cooking.

I'm only speaking from what I imagine to be a fairly common experience of being on my own a lot and having a baby that would only nap during the day on me or while walking in the pushchair, and didn't settle well in the evening in the living room. By the time she was a few months old I was starting to go bonkers not being able to have ten minutes to cook a decent meal in the evening. When we realised she settled well upstairs in the evening, we made the decision that the other risk factors were low and got that hour or two back to ourselves (or myself, most of the time).

I only share this because I worry about women who are struggling, wanting to know if other people put their baby down upstairs in the evening to get that hour or two back, who look for threads about it and then get told if they even want an hour or so to themselves they have "bonding issues".

thurlow, I thought that your advice has been brill from the start on this thread, I just didn't want to declare favourites outright in public. But to be honest, a lot of your comments and advice on MN is great or makes me (humourous topics).

Thank you, dahling!

(goes off and blushes furiously... )

Agree what a great post from Thurlow.

X post ....

Wasn't just agreeing in hope for possible air kiss

I really wasn't trying to guilt trip anyone. My sister died from cot death I won't go into the details as it is upsetting but May sister may very well have survived if she had been in the same room as our mother.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss soontobesix

I feel a lot of the guidance, while wonderful to have, is sometimes an ideal world situation. In an ideal world we'd fine breastfeeding easy and be able to do it for a year, in an ideal world we'd all have partners or family around to help us on a daily basis, in an ideal world we'd never have a bad day and reach for a jar of baby food as opposed to homemade food etc. But sadly most parents' reality is slightly different and you just have to make educated decisions and do what works for your family.

My DS was ten weeks. He was a noisy and active sleeper and I'm a light sleeper - every time he snuffled I was awake, then woke him up by checking. Lots of good advice here.

thurlow I wish that last post of yours could just be repeated on all threads (bf/ff, sahm/wohm, weaning, you name it). Spot on.