Not happy with self

[Jusderaisin]

Do you get annoyed/angry when your toddler does not do as well as other kids when performing activities? My son is just over 2 years and I find that other kids his age follow instructions better than he does. He is a bright little boy but whilst some kids only need being told once or twice, I or the instructor must call his name a number of times to get his attention for him to do what he is being instructed to do.

I feel that the other parents probably give extra practice and I hate the thought that I am turning into a competitive mum. However, I worry that he has a problem with listening and following instructions especially as other kids seem able to.

I am ashamed of myself and wondered whether others have gone through this same mad emotion. I do not want to be a competitive mum because my logical self tells me it is absolute nonsense yet I do not want my son to not do as well as others. I feel he should be following be instructions just as well as the others.

I am EXtReEMlY competitive. Had a Bit of a sharp shock when my son was born poorly and had to have physio to help him crawl and walk. Meant he was a long way behind his peers.

He's fine now, and actually quite advanced at talking, but it worked wonders at stopping me comparing.

I also spent some time thinking about what I think is important and talking to my husband. We agreed that being a kind friendly child was more important than academic achievement so there was no need to 'train' him at home. Actually I have trained him pretty hard to say thank you!

It is hard.

K

My ds1 is 5yo and doesn't have the best concentration span. Dh and I are both doctors and I didn't want to be an overly pushy mum and make him feel that academic achievement is all that matters, but I equally want him to do his best. I found it a little frustrating that at his football class he was the one most likely to lose concentration and not listen or wander off to do something else! But we thought it was more important that he enjoy the football rather than getting too hung up on that. I have encouraged him at times to listen to his teacher, and certainly not to be rude and talk when he is talking etc. As time has gone by his concentration has definitely improved, although he still loses interest and turns to other things quite frequently. But he is doing fine at school and very well with his reading so we have mostly just accepted that he is an active 'do-er' rather than a 'sit down and concentrate' type. He is sociable and friendly and polite, so we just encourage listening and paying attention without sounding too militant about it. I'm sure you'll notice a big difference as your lo gets older and matures.

A friend once said a wise thing - we judge our weaknesses against other people's strengths. And I think we sometimes do the same with our kids. It's easy to overlook their strengths because we see them every day and instead fret about what they're not so good at.

Also, they all develop at their own rates and they all have their own unique personalities. What comes easily to one child will be a real struggle to another. At this age DS's lack of ability to listen will have nothing to to with your parenting and just be down to his personality.

My dd is the same age and I have the exact same problem when I take her to playgym - she is always the one who won't sit and listen with the others - she does her own thing. I used to feel embarrassed and wish to God she would fit in with the others but now I've changed my attitude it's made things a lot easier.

The way I now see it is she's only young and has plenty of time to learn how to behave in a class situation. She's not slow or naughty in fact she's full of life and very bright and I've decided not to suppress that - she will have the rest of her life to tow the line, this is the one time in her life where she is free to be herself and I'm not going to stress us all out with my unrealistic expectations. As long as she's enjoying herself and not spoiling things for everyone then what does it matter at this age? I've spoken to the instructor and she now carries on the lesson without waiting for DD.

I've found a good little trick though where I make it fun to do what the instructor wants eg I race her to the mat where everyone has to sit and see if she can sit and reach her toes and while she's doing that she is effectively doing as she's told! Your son will be fine and he will grow out of this phase don't worry!

Thank you, all of you. In my humble opinion, being a parent is the biggest challenge in life.