Don't feel able to attachment parent my 2 yr old. At wits end. Help!

[sotiredfornow]

DD has just turned 2. She slept 7am - 7am in her own cot, own room from around 3.5 months old. She was so easy. Since around 18 months we've had nothing but problems with her sleep. Since we moved house a few months ago she pretty much will not sleep in her own cot. To the point that either DH or I now have to go to bed with her typically around 8 after her fighting sleep. As a result we have no evening time together, feel like life is nothing but work (for him) and child care / housework for me. We really miss that evening time to recharge and be just us.

DD has quite extreme separation anxiety at times even though I'm pretty much a full time SAHM and have been nothing but loving and nurturing towards her, always responding to every need quickly, never letting her cry, putting her needs before mine always.

I'm an introvert by nature so desperately need alone time to recharge. I feel completely and utterly drained being with her 24/7. I'd love to soldier on and give her what she seems to need (co-sleeping) but it's making me physically and emotionally exhausted. I wish I could cope with it but I can't!

Anyone else had a similar experience. How can I get her comfortable sleeping in her own room again? Where did we go wrong? Hope someone can offer me some advice - I'm having some quite dark days and long for the freedom and personal space I used to have pre
children as awful as that sounds.

It doesn't sound awful, you need to recharge, you are human.
My DD has gone through phases related to sleep and THEY DO PASS. Sounds as though the house move has effected her - keep aiming for her sleeping in her own cot and giving her the extra support and comfort she needs to get there. It will pass!
Fwiw, my DD suddenly started calling me in 20 times after bedtime at around 2yo and it clicked - she didn't like the bars. I converted her cot into a bed, and that was it!

I would work on the sleep first. It's important for her to sleep well too, so your not being horrible to her. At that age I'd get some sort of nice light display toy this is lovely, explain what will happen! then do gradual withdrawal. Just sit by her cot to start with, then move the chair closer and closer to the door. When she gets up and cries, just say night night and put her back down, then just put her down when she does it again. It will take quite a while, took us about 6 weeks when DS decided he'd keep getting out of his bed at age 2 and scream if we ignored him, so gradual withdrawal worked well.

You sound like you could do with a break. Any financial chance of her going to play group a couple of mornings a week?

I agree with most attachment parenting bits, but like anything I do think it can be taken too far. If you always prioritise her needs over your own, that doesn't teach her the right lessons either. Everyone in the family needs to take priority sometimes. It's ok to not be super mum you know!

Outtheotherside - you could be right about the bed. I thought as much a month or so back and even bought the bed guard and whatnot. I might give that a go tomorrow.

Theyaremysunshine - thanks for the link to the turtle. Looks fab & have added to my wish list to investigate further tomorrow. It's worth a go, just to have something new and interesting in her new room.

I do get a break from her a few hours twice per week and my DH is very, very good but it doesn't seem enough anymore I feel like I need a week holiday alone!!!

I agree it might be worth taking the side off the cot/moving to a bed - my dd was much happier when we did this as she knew she could get out and come and find me if she needed to. When she was having a phase of being difficult to put to bed, we'd wait til she was completely exhausted before trying, did lead to the odd meltdown but generally worked much better than trying when she had some energy left. I'm sure you've already got a good bedtime routine in place, for us stories and cuddles in bed helped a lot.

Oh and I'm so with you on the week's holiday alone - I'm a sahm with a 3yo and a 4mo and feel like I have small people hanging off me all day (and all night - the 4mo is cosleeping and feeding every 2 hours ish...) sometimes I long for a bit of space too!

DIY - as it stands I don't know how people cope with 2 kids. DH and I have been talking about a second child recently and when to try but I'm not ready. Is your 3yo closer to 3 or 4?

Coincidence theyare - we have that too! It is beyond lovely (think about taking it in the bathroom for a star light bath!!).

Anyway, theyare talks a lot of sense - building more security and being kind to yourself/your needs too. You'll get there, slowly is much kinder to all!

My 1 year old co sleeps and I find it really hard too. I'd defintely try moving her to a bed - this really worked with my DS(3). Also I would advise being firm about having to stay in bed. It sounds like at the moment that she's tired and trying to control the situation which is stressing her out and it's getting out of control. It's great to always put a baby's needs first but as they get older children realise they can control things but they don't know how to manage that control and you need to step in and set boundaries. Teaching a child that what they want trumps everything even to the detriment of your health and happiness is not healthy.