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Parenting

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Original poster

Hate DP's parenting.How shall I deal with this?

21 replies

mum2oliver · 18/08/2006 19:04

He is doing my absolute head in!!!
He raises his voice at 2yr old ds alot.He almost snatches toys off him and says "mine".
He threatens him with "quick the woof woofs gunna get you" and "if you do that again Im going to put you outside so the woof woof can get get you"
Oh my god writing it out is making it sound so much worse than when I actually heard it.

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Maddison · 18/08/2006 19:14

imo telling him the 'woof woof's' going to get him could make him afraid of dogs. Snatching toys off him and saying that they're his is hardly teaching him to share is it?!

He sounds very childish to me.

lukenjoesmummy · 18/08/2006 19:15

Has he always been like this? If so has it always done your head in or is it something that's just started bothering you?

colditz · 18/08/2006 19:18

sounds like he really hasn't thought this parenting thing through. just bcause something is funny to him at the time doesn't mean it will be funny when said child is 8, terrified of dogs to the point where he wakes up three times a night with bad dreams, and has behavioral issues at schol as a result of a poor male role model.

Tell your dp that.

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threebob · 18/08/2006 19:20

Tell him he will make a child that shouts, clings to him anywhere near dogs and has no mates because he thinks it's funny to take their stuff. But because children are very clever he will do it much more in dad's company as a sort of compliment.

Oh, and if he does have to threaten him could he please use the word "dog", he sounds about 2 himself saying woof woof.

Original poster

mum2oliver · 18/08/2006 19:29

Your all so right.
Its been a gradual thing I suppose,but tonight has just got to me now.He went too far with the I will put you outside bit!
Im going to deal with this how you have said.We are having a few probs at the moment.
Im 10weeks preg so Im hormonal.He isnt into listening to me either.
Thanx everyone.
Feel sad now.

OP posts:

tigermoth · 18/08/2006 19:33

What are his own parents like? The woof woof thing, annoying I agree, could be an old family saying.

Also, his parenting style may change over time as your son gets older. My dh got more exasperated by my sons as tiny toddlers than he does now and IMO he found it difficult to be a model parent to ds2 especially when he was young. I am not a toddler person either tbh.

My dh came into his own once our sons were older, could more easily be reasoned with, share a joke, talked to, played with etc.

Have you talked to your dh about how he feels about your son? is he at the end of his tether with him at the moment?

Tortington · 18/08/2006 20:21

" he is 2 your jealous fucking turd....go woof woof yersel up yer fecking arse"

edam · 18/08/2006 20:28

Sounds very unpleasant but hard to gauge tone of voice on here. Is he trying to be funny? I know it isn't, but maybe your dh thinks it is.

I'd sit down and have a firm but polite word with him pointing out this is not big nor clever... fear of dogs/ fear of abandonment /problems with turn-taking/sharing. He's being a bit of a chuff but maybe he hasn't thought about it from your ds's POV.

sorrell · 18/08/2006 20:32

Stands on chair to applaud CustyX

100Vicki · 19/08/2006 20:43

My dh has had to grow up a lot since our ds came along. He didn't have a clue and it's only now that our ds is 17 months old that he's starting to get the hang of it (after much training from me!!)

I think lots of blokes find it very difficult. I was even contemplating leaving my dh 6 months ago as I thought that our ds would be better off not to be around him as he was so immature and I felt he was undoing all the good that I was doing IYKWIM.

We sat down and had a long talk about it and he realised he needed to sort himself out. I pointed him in the right direction (i.e. encouraging him to play with our ds and give him praise). When he saw the rewards he got for spending quality time with ds (cuddles and kisses(from ds - not me!!)) he soon started to enjoy being a Daddy instead of looking at it as a chore.

My advice to you is to talk to your dp and give him a chance to change the way he behaves with your ds. If he doesn't then you've got to put your ds first and think about what you really want to do. It's stressful for you being pg and having to deal with this now but it's best to get it sorted before your new lo arrives. Good luck!

Mum2FunkyDude · 19/08/2006 21:01

sounds like bullying to me

UrsulatheSeawitch · 19/08/2006 21:04

Unfortunately there are a lot of dads who think it's their job to make little boys tough and hard as soon as possible

How does DP react if you tell him not to talk to DS like that, m2o?

Original poster

mum2oliver · 19/08/2006 21:20

Custyx
Im sorry but is there really any beed for that sort of comment?
What exactly do you mean anyway?

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Original poster

mum2oliver · 19/08/2006 21:26

100viki
Thanku.I have had a chat just now and it sounds pretty much like your situation.He was devistated when I pointed out the certain things he had been saying.
He is upset and wants to do things right.He is a good man and I know he loves ds but they are all a little difficult at 2-3 arent they.Thanku to the other sensible comments.
I fell really angry about what custyx has put.Woud anyone else be?

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Sobernow · 19/08/2006 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sorrell · 19/08/2006 21:37

Nope, think it was a great comment. Hate bullies.

Original poster

mum2oliver · 20/08/2006 10:29

Oh no I fell stupid now!
Sorry

OP posts:

calebsmum · 21/08/2006 22:39

Don't feel stupid! It's a messageboard so it's hard to understand the meaning behind some of the posts. Sounds like you did the right thing by sitting down and talking with your dh, have you noticed any improvement??

Piffle · 21/08/2006 22:42

Custy is always blunt and always spot on, it always comes from a good place.
I agree FWIW he sounds jealous and insecure and trying to battle with the 2 year old for supremacy.

Blondilocks · 21/08/2006 22:52

I would probably say something like keep it up, then we can get rid of the dog as DS will be too scared to be anywhere near it!

I think sometimes OHs do things that they think are funny but they are just downright annoying to us and upsetting to LO. I think they just don't think at times. In case any men are reading I admit us women probably also don't think either sometimes.

The thing that's annoyed me lately is constant going on at eating habits! I don't accept bad eating but nagging at the slightest little thing every second gets a bit tiresome. It made me feel like I would rather starve then put up with this & no conversation whatsoever! But it's alright to pss about & make lots of noise & then ignore me when I tell them to BE* QUIET!!!

Hey ho. Good luck. Hopefully this gets sorted out before LO gets scared of the dog.

nearlythree · 21/08/2006 23:06

Get Steve Biddulph's books Raising Boys and the Secret of Happy Children. Easy and blokey for your dh to read.

Think that's the third time I've recommended him tonight!

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