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Parenting

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Original poster

One sibling - did you ever wish you had another?

10 replies

PetitFilou1 · 18/08/2006 13:42

I have ds 2.7 and dd nearly 1. I really really want another one. They are both lovely but I struggle sometimes and wonder if I really could manage a third especially as I would be the wrong side of 35 when I had him/her. I have two sisters and can't imagine only one of them being around so can't imagine my own children only having each other. However - I nearly cracked up during the first six months after dd was born and also don't want to ruin my marriage as I love my dh more now that I did at the start. So I am constantly confused about what to do. Dh has said he thinks we ought to go for it after a few months of being very reluctant. Now that he's more positive I'm the one who isn't sure! Advice?

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Pamina3 · 18/08/2006 13:47

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mog · 18/08/2006 14:15

I had three under 3.5 years. It was really tough, youngest is now 2 and beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel. If I'd been younger (41 when last born) I would have left bigger gaps which is what I would advise you to do.
Things to think about are - it becomes very difficult to do a lot of activities when three littlies are around e.g. swimming impossible, swings doable but stressful as they are all over the place. Getting out anywhere takes the patience of a saint and there are so many mouths crying mummy at the same time.
I'm really glad we did it but it has been very hard and if you found two hard I would really consider waiting until, say the oldest is in reception.

Tommy · 18/08/2006 14:31

I have 2 DSs and am now pregnant with number 3 after a miscarriage and another year of trying.

One of the main reasons I wanted more than 2 is that my friend's daughter (who was my god daughter) died 3 years ago. One of the things my friend finds very difficult is that where she and her husband are able to share their feelings about losing a child, their other daughter has no-one to share her feelings about losing her sister with.

It made me determined not to have just 2 children as I feel so much for their other daughter.

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Original poster

PetitFilou1 · 18/08/2006 15:59

Mog I can totally see how hard that must have been. If we have no3 I have already said that ds must be in school as otherwise I think I would never survive it! He is a human dynamo. Dd is easier but then she is only nearly 1 at the moment......
Pamina I did hate my middle sister for years and years and had a really difficult relationship with her until she had her own child recently. Now we are friends, although still very different from each other, and it is great. I've always got on with my youngest sister for some reason.
and Tommy your post is exactly the sort of situation that crops up in my mind. Not likely but I just can't imagine ds being left without dd and vice versa. Not sure why I feel like that but.....

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dmo · 18/08/2006 22:15

i have 3 brothers and a sister
i'm the eldest followed by brother 18mths younger followed by 2 brothers 4yrs younger followed by sister 14 years younger
my point dont leave it too long if you really want another my sister is like an only child and doesnt feel like a sister to me
i'm now 30 and sister is 17 still at home my own children are 9 and 10
all boys have own houses etc i'm the only one with children yet

JessaJam · 18/08/2006 22:18

yes...as in another instead of the one I got!!!

dmo · 18/08/2006 22:33

thats true
sometimes wish i could swop my two

swedishmum · 18/08/2006 23:25

I hate hate hate being an only child. I had an oppressive and lonely childhood, even though I had academic advantages. I still put my inability to trust people and make friends down to my parents being so odd. Had 3 under 3 myself (would have been 4 under 3 but dd2's twin died) - can't quite remember how I coped, and now dd3 is after a 7 year gap. I look at our wedding photos with envy - dh has family but I don't. My 4 are fantastic really - they get on brilliantly most of the time.

tallulah · 19/08/2006 14:11

I have one brother who was always the golden boy. He caused a lot of trouble in his early 20s and i wished we'd had another sibling to spread the burden a bit. Then when my dad died, followed by my grandad and then my grandma it's really just been me supporting my mum because he is always "too busy".

We had 4 for that reason.

suzywong · 19/08/2006 14:15

i wish I 'd had anouther sibling, for sure. My parents adopted 8 years before I was born and I pretty much grew up as an only child and now my sister and I are not in contact as we have nothing in common but parents.

And I fret secretly that I only have 2 kids, I wish I had gone for 3

However, both healthy and delcious so mustn't grumble

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