Ds1's behaviour has made me cry

[tortoiseshell]

He's 5 and can be so lovely, but recently all I seem to have seen is the 'rude' side of him - rude faces, calling me an idiot etc. I know it's a phase, but this evening it really reached a head, with constant rudeness, refusal to eat tea etc. I think I handled it ok, didn't shout at him, did time outs in his room, but it got to the point where I had to just say enough is enough, and sent him to bed. So he was crying and I was crying. I just don't know what the way forward with him is - he is basically a nice boy, but he can be SO horrible when he puts his mind to it. I'm still a bit tearful now - I feel very distant from him this evening, especially when he says 'I only like Dad and the baby, not you mum'. I know it's his defence, but it's still hurtful. Just feeling down really....

i suppose you are his primary carer and the butt end of his annoyance whatever it may be.
my dd , nearly 4, can tell me she doesnt like me etc etc but usually comes round after 15mins.
is he wound up about something at the time it happens, can u see it coming at all?

Really sorry to hear you are feeling down and hope that coming on here and writing it down helps. I have cried quite a few times over my 6 year old DDs behaviour (mostly when she was 5!)but there does seem to be light at the end of the tunnel and a friend even said today "hasn't F quietened down!" Although she did say "screw you" to me yesterday and was very politely told not to say that and how rude it was (she said she didn't know, but I'm not convinced). Idiot and stupid are also a few of her favourites.

It will get better x

Ohhhhhhh sorry my lo has not reached that point so I can't really give much advice but I just wanted to say how much I feel for you - as a person who has mentioned those unthinkable words to a parent, try and take solice in the fact that he doesn't mean it deep down and he loves you very much and will wish he never said it. My hat goes off to you for not shouting as well - I hope I have the strength to be that type of mum!! Big hug over the wires for you x

Oh tortoiseshell - I did a similar post a few weeks back ! My dd - 5yrs and 10 mths - is being her most challenging at the moment and has reduced me to tears more than once this holiday.

I don't know what it is - people seem to have lots of theories about them missing the routine of school after a very intense first full year, being more tired than we realise, testing the boundaries etc

This week I've bought 4 parenting books from Amazon - not sure when I'll find a chance to read them - but I must try and dip in at least !

No advice I'm afraid - just wanted to sympathise and say it's not just you - you are not alone !!

I have read that boys around the age of 4-5 experience a big hormone rush which can manifest itself in conflict and sometimes aggression. I certainly notice ds and his friends each going through it in different ways, some by being rude, others downright aggressive.
Don't know that I've got any helpful advice though - I try time out's, being frim, taking away priviledges if the behaviour continues, and also try and give ds lots of physical activity.
In one book I read it suggests that Dad's take a stance and ask the boys not to talk/behave like that to their mothers - the thinking is that little boys grow into men and therefore need men to (sometimes) show them how to be 'men'Thoughts going out to you - you must be such a caring mum to be feeling so upset.

I have read that boys around the age of 4-5 experience a big hormone rush which can manifest itself in conflict and sometimes aggression. I certainly notice ds and his friends each going through it in different ways, some by being rude, others downright aggressive.
Don't know that I've got any helpful advice though - I try time out's, being frim, taking away priviledges if the behaviour continues, and also try and give ds lots of physical activity.
In one book I read it suggests that Dad's take a stance and ask the boys not to talk/behave like that to their mothers - the thinking is that little boys grow into men and therefore need men to (sometimes) show them how to be 'men'Thoughts going out to you - you must be such a caring mum to be feeling so upset.

Thanks for replies - just having a bad evening I guess! I'm really glad I managed not to yell at him, because we've implemented a 'no shouting' rule - it was feeling like it was becoming too easy to shout, and I'm sure he is imitating us. I just cried because of the contrast between being upset at his tear stained face, and MAD at his rudeness/disobedience. Thanks for the supportive posts though - it's good to know he's not the only one to go through this sort of phase.

He does KNOW how to be good - at school he is utterly angelic and sweet!

Oh, tortoiseshell, I'm so, so glad I'm not the only one, in the nicest possible way of course . DS1 is 5 next month, and is the most adorable, lovely, caring, considerate, funny little boy, but the last few months he has times when he's just horrible, and I'm ashamed to say I really don't like him when he's being like that. I don't know about you and your DS, but we never experienced the 'terrible twos' or threes so I've never been through this kind of behaviour before, and at times it feels like there'll never be an end to it.

I've found the best way to deal with it, for me, is, when he's being a little terror (to put it nicely!), I will remind him of a time earlier that day when he has been really good, and ask him to behave like that. That's definately been the most successful course for me.

Here's hoping for our adorable little boys to be returned to us soon!

GarfieldsGirl - that's such a good idea to remind them of a time when they've been good. So today, I could have reminded him of when he was walking well round the shops, and helping me with the baby. I'll try that. He's recovered from this evening's debacle, but I'm feeling wrung out!

It is very draining isn't it tortoiseshell. I hope that works for you, or that you do manage to find something very soon that does the trick.