26 month old behaviour

[Alibongo33]

Hi,

I have 2 dc's. ds 11 months and dd 26 months. DD's behaviour is appalling and getting worse. Everything is a battle:- nappy change, getting dressed, eating dinner (she barely eats) getting in car seat, staying in carseat when moving! etc etc.
I have tried every tactic including bribing with choc or a toy but that doesn't work. Time out - she takes herself there and grins. Everything is crying, screams or no mummy.
My ds is getting left out cos I seem to be dealing with her all the time.
My dm says that I have tried everything so now I have to smack her hand but I don't want to do that.
She is very advanced in everything except her behaviour and her social skills. She is often like a bulldozer when other children are around.

How do I deal with her?
I want to send her to nursery one full day a week so I can have a break and to see if a nursery would help with her social skills and behaviour but then as a SAHM I would feel I had failed in my role and the financial cost wouldn't be necessary also if I could handle her better. But I long to spend quality time with my ds like I had with dd before ds was born and to have a break from her and get some outside input from professionals. I have nobody in the area I know or see so its all me except dm who visits one day a week.

What is your advice? is nursery a good idea?
Thanks

Is she getting enough sleep? Maybe you're expecting too much - she is only 2. I look back with at how I expected far too much from my eldest when he was 2. Now my youngest is that she I can see that actually my expectations were too high.

My two year old will be appalling when tired, hungry or ill. Eg first thing in the morning she is starving so gets cross easily. So I cut her some slack and give her food.

Getting in car seats - can you give yours some co from? Eg let them climb in to the seat. The. Distract with a book or toy while you do them up.

Getting dressed and nappy changes - I let mine stand up and let them choose clothes to give some control. I do give dd my phone if I need to keep her still (eg pooey nappy).

If she can escape her car seat then maybe it isn't tight enough. She shouldn't be wearing thick padded clothes and the straps should be quite snug.

Let her do things and show her how to do things. Eg my dd loves helping me cook, clean etc. Show her how to play with other kids eg taking turns. Get down to her level and literally show her e.g. handing toys and doing swaps etc.

Also time out - I don't think it works for 2 year olds. Means nothing to them until a bit older.

I'm not sure nursery one day a week would help as would take a longer time to settle.

All good suggestions from PP. My DD is 28 months so a little older but she's been testing the boundaries aswell. I think it's a control thing too - they're learning that they can influence things and like it.
As PP said, we get her to choose her own clothes most of the time - sometimes she's looked a bit crazy but she's happy so I am too if you want to avoid the fashion police you could give her a couple of options and get her to choose.
Our DD has gone to nursery for 1/2 a day once a week since she was 2. I'm on maternity leave with DS so don't need her to go for us but, we thought it would be good for her. She loves other children and I think it's helped with her development. She looks forward to going and really enjoys it. It also gives me a morning of quality one to one time with DS. A lot of people have said that 1 day a week isn't enough but it seems to be doing well for us. Every child is different, you know them best - maybe trial it for a few weeks and see how she is.
Good luck

And re you being a failure ! You're not! If you've highlighted that you and her need a bit of support, you're doing what's best for you all.