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Parenting

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Original poster

opinions on this please, folk.

71 replies

colditz · 17/08/2006 14:06

Ds1 is 3. He is a little horror atm who won't stay in his room, or wake me up first thing, he just gets up and does as he pleases.

someone has suggested I put a security chain on his bedroom door, but would this be considered abusive, or neglectful, or

Basically are people going to think I am a bad mother who leaves him locked in his bedroom day and night?

Would anyone not do this? Why, and what would you do instead?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nailpolish · 17/08/2006 15:23

i think a chain in a fire WOULD be that bad, tbh.

rational thinking is non-existent, and panic sets in quick, please believe me

GeorginaA · 17/08/2006 15:28

Worse than a stairgate?

nailpolish · 17/08/2006 15:30

at least you can get over a stairgate, easier than trying to break a door down

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scotlou · 17/08/2006 15:36

How about a hook and eye fastening on the door? It would keep the door shut but are so flimsy it would easily break in anemergency.
I don't like the idea of securing a child in his room - but I once heard of a 3 year old who got up, went downstairs, took the deepfat fryer out and put in some chips. Luckily he didn't know how to plug it in!

GeorginaA · 17/08/2006 15:40

Yep - and with an older child you NEED access to the bathroom in case they need to get up in the night, so a high up lock to keep the younger child safe is an impossibility.

As I say, we've got stairgates - but it took us a while to train ds2 to go to sleep when he had the door open (can't close with a stairgate on the door) and the landing light on (for ds1 who HATES his door closed and has no convenient socket free for a night light). But after he woke up the whole house screaming when he set the house alarm off at 6am on a Sunday (with ds1 screaming because of the sudden noise)... then the second day he flushed all the foam letters in the bathroom down the toilet, we had to do something.

CheesyFeet · 17/08/2006 15:40

Scotlou you have just reminded me about my brother, aged about 3, tipping all the oil from a chip pan onto a carpet. Oh, did he ever get told off

I agree, a hook and eye would be a good solution

Bozza · 17/08/2006 15:49

Good grief Georgina how lucky am I? DD doesn't appear to have worked out that she can get out of bed herself yet. And having been there with DS I am not in a hurry to help her discover it so always lift her out of bed in the morning. And both my children slept through the house alarm going off.

Clary · 17/08/2006 15:54

I wouldn't use a chain or lock a child in. I honestly don't think it will get you anywhere.

I would try a star chart, bunny alarm clock, later bedtime, making sure he is really tired (if he is getting up too early) or just get up early myself.
You need to teach him that he mustn't get up, or if he does he must wake you or just sit and watch TV safely (which is what my 3 do if up before me but i see I'm not the only one)

prettybird · 17/08/2006 15:54

We used a "stretchy" (piece of bungee elastic with a hook on either end) hooked around the handel of his door and then an adjacent hall cupboard handle. That was he could open the door a wee bit, but not get out, but was easy for us to take off and get in (a variation of the Christopher Green "Toddler taming" rope trick).

We only used had to use it for a while before he ogt themessage that coming in to with usin the middle of the night was nto acceptable. He was about 2.5 I think - it was just after he had learned to climb out of his cot (difficult in a sleeping bag! and we had had to transfer him to a bed.

Once we did allow him his freedom, we also taught him to turn the TV on for himself.

GeorginaA · 17/08/2006 16:23

Clary - depends on the age of the child - ds2 was only 2 in May... everything has to be immediate, so star charts are a no go. Bunny clocks etc are also not effective. Other disincentives (like a loud scary house alarm for instance!) don't seem to deter him!

Of course when he's older and these sorts of tactics are more effective then the stairgate will be going. But in the meantime, it's my responsibility to keep him safe, and keeping him safe is what I'm going to do.

CheesyFeet · 17/08/2006 16:34

My dd also has a stair gate across the door. It's a travel one so the door will close behind it. She isn't confident going down stairs and I dread the idea of her climbing out of bed in the night and falling down them. I still use a baby monitor and our house has paper thin walls anyway so I would hear her if she needed me.

Original poster

colditz · 17/08/2006 18:03

I have been trying to teach him for 6 months that he mustn't comeout of his room, do you really think that chaining the door is something I would consider lightly? I'm not considering it so I can wallow in bed til 10, I'm doing it so that if I don't here him get up, he can't go and switch the cooker on.

OP posts:

GeorginaA · 17/08/2006 18:12

lol (in a wry sort of way) colditz. You know, if I'd seen your post when I had ds1 only, I'd probably be thinking the same - star chart... bunny clock. Mainly because ds1 on leaving his bed would ALWAYS aim for us and the bunny clock worked a treat.

Ds2 is my comeuppance for being smug, I reckon WHY a child would go wandering a dark house on his own rather than aiming for his/her parents is beyond my comprehension... but there you go.

edam · 17/08/2006 18:19

I'd also be too scared of the risk of delaying any rescue in a fire. A firefighter once told me children tend to go and hide under their beds or in cupboards if they see flames or smoke, so it's hard enough to find them anyway, without creating extra obstacles. Why not call your local station and ask them what they reckon - safer to use a chain on his door, or the kitchen door, or not at all?

Think putting (flimsy) bolts on the other doors could work, assuming there's a free run for emergencies from his room to the outside doors. You say sitting room is open plan to stairs - could you leave TV tuned to CBeebies or something, make sure anything dangerous or breakable is out of the way and let him get on with it?

Bibliophile · 17/08/2006 18:23

I don't see why a chain is such a problem. Why on earth would you need to break a door down? You only have to unhook the fastener. If the worry is the child not being able to get out, then stairgates are just as 'dangerous'. I think a small child left unsupervised in the house is much more at risk than one safe in his room with a chain on the door. It is surely more likely he'll start a fire by being up and kill you all than soemthing in his room will burst into flames. You have good fire alarms, I presume?

GeorginaA · 17/08/2006 18:26

I have to say, that after this thread the idea of a small easily breakable hook is a better one, but yes I agree. You're either unfastening it or breaking a very thin chain or hook, not hacking a wooden door to pieces!

Original poster

colditz · 17/08/2006 18:29

I do leave th tv tuned to playhouse disney. he was perfectly capable of getting up and switching the Tv on, but that isn't what he does, sadly.

God, if you could see my house. He has coated the bathroom and his bedroom with a glutenous mixture of eyeshadoew, lipstic, nail varnish and toothpaste, sudocreme all over the top of the stairs, wax crayon all over my living room walls.

He has piles and piles of toys in his bedroom, he is allowed to get anything out in his bedroom, I take him to the park on his own every day to let off steam, isn't given e numbers or white bread, but simply standing still next to me while I pay for shopping seems to be a physical impossibility for him.

I still put reins on him, he's 3.5 for god's sake. The phrase 'wit's end' springs to mind.

OP posts:

GeorginaA · 17/08/2006 18:32

Ah... you don't need a stairgate, colditz ... you need a floor to ceiling cage

(only joking, before someone calls SS on me...)

NomDePlume · 17/08/2006 18:33

Already have G, they'll be 'round your gaff in 5....

GeorginaA · 17/08/2006 18:34

Cow

NomDePlume · 17/08/2006 18:34

I'd go with the flimsy (to an adult) hook and eye set up.

WTF is a 'bunny clock' ? Other than a rabbit-themed timepiece ?

Original poster

colditz · 17/08/2006 18:36

Oh, and if he manages to get into the kitchen while I go to the toilet, or feed his brother, he climbs up the washing machine, anto the sink, into the cupboards, gets salt, pepper, eggs, etc, then runs under the table to play with them. And yes, we do bake so he does have an outlet.

I am tearing my hair out over this, does it show?

OP posts:

SecurMummy · 17/08/2006 18:45

Colditz, have you considered one of the dog gates? they are a standard stairgate but taller, they may be high enough to prevent him climbing over or reaching the locking part?

I admit I have only scanned the rest of the thread so sorry if this has been discounted already. I don't know how you get round the toilet problem if this is your issue? But I guess that would be a problem no matter what your solution.

FWIW, I don't see a chain being a massive problem if you used it as a learning tool. ie, if you go downstairs before the alarm clock goes off then the chain will be put on the next night, I will take the chain off when the alarm goes off and you can then do what you want. Put a bowl of fruit and drink in the room along with toys/telly or whatever, if you are good and stay there until the alarm goes off then I won't have to use the chain?

This is not something I have tried of course but I would think the message would get across quite quickly?

GeorginaA · 17/08/2006 18:49

Bunny clock is a clock that has its eyes closed and ears droopy until it reaches the time that is acceptable to you - then its eyes pop open and the ears perk up. It's a visual representation of proper "daytime".

Socci · 17/08/2006 19:31

Message withdrawn

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