Extremely fussy toddler getting too thin

[MogwaiTheGremlin]

Hello

Sorry for long post but I need for some help please.

When my ds was weaned he ate pretty much anything and had a big appetite. About 6 months ago he got a really nasty tummy bug and was quite poorly and lost a lot of weight. When he started to get better I gave him plain foods like toast, banana etc but when I tried to reintroduce a wider range of foods he refused to eat them.
He's now 20 months and has an extremely limited diet and won't eat many things he used to love. All he eats is:

Bread
Cereal (eg rice crispies, cheerios, frosties )
Plain pasta with a tiny bit of butter
Yoghurt
Banana, grapes, raisins, nectarine
Scrambled egg / plain omelet (occasionally)
Ham (occasionally)

He will eat plain snacks (eg bread sticks, rice cakes, plain oat bars) and as an occasional treat he will have a plain croissant or a plain cookie.

Everyone said it was just a phase and he would grow out of it but it's not getting any better and he's starting to look a bit thin. I always eat with him and serve him a small portion of whatever I'm having but he refuses to try it. I then give in and let him have plain pasta or something. He won't eat restaurant food or anyone else's cooking so it's not just me. I've tried having play dates at meal times but he refuses to eat what the other children are having and just goes hungry.

Does anyone know how I can get him to eat better? Does he need to see a doctor and, if so, what should they be checking for? Given his limited diet should he be taking some kind of multivitamin?

Thank you

Ds is in the fussy stage and what's working for us us weighting a meal towards things he lies. So last night for dinner I made chicken casserole and jacket potatoes. Ds loves potato so he had that and then separate (not touching) he had some cheese so he'd securely get some dairy and a dollup of casserole that he picked at. For afters I sat there eating an apple until he asked for some (he was offered but refused).

When I take his plate away I say "all done" and now he says this once he's picked the bits he wants off his plate.

If I was you now he'll eat pasta and ham separately I'd offer that for a few days then put some peas or other veg on the side. Try to keep it mostly familiar.

If it was me I wouldn't do the pudding thing, I'd give it to him all together. Then he could eat the nectarine first and it would settle him. Plus they like dipping stuff in yoghurt .

I also think separate stuff out, they get funny about stuff mixed together around 2. Let him sit and pick at what he wants, remove without comment. Whatever you do, however hard it is don't show him you are stressed. All 2 year olds are a bit fussy, whatever people tell you its how you respond to it.

And don't equate toddler meals to adult ones. A plain chicken breast (I mean how boring) for example I find goes down a treat.....

Thanks all.

I'm going to buy a plate divided into segments so I can offer up the different parts of his meal separated and not touching. And I'll definitely try offering 'pudding' at the same time as I find this works at breakfast. If he has toast first it takes the edge of his hunger and then he'll eat cereal / fruit etc alongside.

I don't show him I'm stressed about his eating - we actually have quite a giggle at mealtime - but I just feel that I should be doing more to improve his diet. And although he's probably not underweight (haven't seen the HV yet) I'd like him to eat more variety from a health perspective.
I also think people (GP etc) must think I'm a crap mum to have such a fussy eater! I come from a family of good/non fussy/big eaters so it's quite alien to me that someone can survive on so little.

But I really don't want mealtime to become a huge battle or food to become a big issue so I'll try to put into practice all this good advice.

My dd is 18 months and tiny - she barely eats and has been known to go for five days without a poo. Little in, little out. The GP said she is fine, she has vitamins and loves fruit. She has yogurt and cheese but isn't fond of cows milk. I see other kids eat in 20 minutes but meals are on average an hour for us. DS is also slow, not fussy just slow.

I used to worry but I recently took them to a ballet class and was shocked at how many overweight children there were - try not to get stressed a child offered food will not starve - this is my mantra and 400ml of milk a day is loads!

Your GP won't think you are in any way to blame! I am a GP and my ds1 is 5yo and eats next to no fruit or veg - he will nibble raw carrot sticks, apple and yoghurt-coated raisins. I hide tiny amounts of roasted veg in pizza sauce and homemade turkey burgers. Ds1's eating problems stem from reflux and refusal to feed as a baby, and complicated by lots of hospital admissions and the development of a fear of food. I totally understand how stressful it is as a parent when you are watching them live off empty carbs and can't get them to eat anything else.

An illness will often set off fussy eating, and the age between 1 and 2 years old is the time at which many toddlers go through a fussy phase also, so your little guy has two reasons to be picky right now. Many toddlers will go through a period where they survive off crackers and yoghurt, for example, and come out the other side and seem none the worse for wear. It's stressful now, but try to look at the bigger picture and concentrate on just riding this period out. If he eats plain pasta, always give it to him with some grated cheese and or sauce on the side. He may shun the sauce and cheese for weeks or even months, but you are achieving something just by presenting it, because it will at least be a familiar-looking food that he is used to seeing on the plate. As time goes by and this fussy toddler phase hopefully starts to draw to an end, he may well shock you by taking a handful of the cheese and shoving it in his mouth.

Likewise with other meals, keep presenting a mix of foods that he will and won't eat, but don't give an entirely different alternative. So if he won't touch the eggs or omelette, don't then dish up some pasta. Others vary in their approach but while I wouldn't give treat puddings if mine haven't eaten their main, I do always offer fruit. That applies to dd2 (17mo) as ds1 is rather more complicated. I won't offer dd2 yoghurt if she hasn't eaten her main because I know she loves it. Ds1 is on Dalivit multivitamin drops, you can ask your Gp for vitamins on prescription. Definitely get him weighed now, so you have something to compare to. But don't worry if he looks on the skinny side, the food he does eat will go towards growth and development rather than putting on fat, and it won't do him long-term harm to have little fat stores right now. Ds1 was seriously skinny when younger but now does at least resemble a normal thin young child. There is a good book called 'Just take a Bite' which you might find helpful. All the best x

The eat it or there's nothing else technique does not work on all children. It would not have worked on my extremely fussy DD, who ate a similar range to your son at his age. We used a gentle approach of giving stickers for trying a new food and lots of praise. I also started her with foods that I would not normally give if I thought they might be more acceptable (e.g. she had chicken nuggets a few times before I tried plain roast chicken). She's not a great vegetable eater now at 3 (only carrots and sweetcorn) and she still won't touch anything in a sauce, but she eats a good range of meat and fish which she didn't do at 18months and she will try new foods. Also eats plenty of fruit and dairy.

Agree with previous poster that I won't cook anything else if the main meal is rejected and won't offer a cake/biscuit but I will always allow fruit and always allow bedtime milk.

Oh thank you, thank you. Am feeling much more positive about it all now. Am so glad there is an alternative to the 'eat this or eat nothing' approach because I don't think I could stick to that and I know I need to be consistent.

I will offer a combination of foods that I know he will/won't eat (on his fancy new divided plate!) and hopefully in time he will try some of the new foods. If he won't eat anything I've offered then he doesn't get an alternative meal but he can have a piece of fruit for 'pudding'.

I heard a debate on the radio about childhood obesity this morning and it made me realise I'm definitely over reacting to his size. Whilst I will still get him weighed I'm sure he's just naturally thinning out and isn't actually underweight.

Will have a look at that book recommendation too, thanks mummyxtwo