Need support

[Wrenner]

Hi all. Really struggling at the moment with high levels of stress..I have two boys. One 3, one 5. I'm a single parent but their dad is involved and they have a great relationship with him. So why am i stressed?! Argh I guess it's the daily running around.. School runs.. Nursery runs.. Potty training.. Studying.. Etc etc but really it's because every now and again I just completely lose my temper... Like my brain just can't take any more. And I flip. Like earlier I lost my temper and went to put my oldest in time out but because I'm angry when I moved him through the doorway I pushed/pulled him too hard and he fell. Then he thought I'd literally shoved him to the ground ( which I didn't) but then feeling a million times worse. And just end up sat in the corner of the room just saying to myself " oh my god I'm so stressed" then it's like ill calm down?! But it's bloody wrong. I do not believe in smacking really and have only done it on the odd occasion ( out of fear.. Run into the road etc) but I was brought up with smacking and don't like it. But I hate this aggression I seem to get and my oldest gets the brunt. I just sound like a terrible mother I don't want to b like this. I've seen my doctor and went on a CBT course but I don't know if I need anger management?! It's not all the time... Like I said it's kind of a build up but I do not want my children used as emotional punchbags. Has anybody experience of patenting courses?! Just like too add, no family around. Just me and their dad so wonder if sometimes trying to b superwoman is backfiring and smacking me in the face. Just want support really.

You sounds really stressed, but you don't sound like a horrible mum.

Are you getting enough sleep? I've found that's the controlling factor for me as to how well I cope with the million other small problems that make up my day. And do you get any downtime? Being a single mum sounds properly hard, and I take my hat off to you.

Yeh I get a break when the boys are with their dad but I'm absolutely rubbish at relaxing. I feel so tense when they are gone and I'm involved in a lot of volenteer work too so most the time I'm juggling in my spare time. I just read an nspcc leaflet which was really helpful. I think you are right. It's not really anything they are doing it's my high stress levels and they just explode. I need to cut out some things and focus on what's important. I feel better already just airing it. And sleep kills me if I don't get it! The last two weeks they have slept through at night ( they normally visit me at some point) and I felt so different! Thank you

If things are tough, can you take some time away from volunteering? It sounds like you might need some time to just be. Stress can do horrible things.

Yeh I think I need to and then learn to try and do something relaxing. Just not very good at switching off!! X