Child's best friends move away - how to cope?

[Tinker]

My 6 year old has had 2 best friends at school for the past 3 years. A few weeks ago, one moved to another school and my daughter has really missed her. However, her other best friend was still at school so the blow was softened a little. Now I find out that the other friend will be moving away and I feel so sad. Feel like it is happening to me.

Mentally going through her class mates I can see why she is friends with these 2 best (but them I'm basing it on my opinions not hers) but I'm really worried that she will feel quite lonely.

Anyone else been through this? Can anyone reassure me that it will all turn out ok in the end? Thanks

We've been through this quite often, Tinker, as we've moved and also lived in areas where the population has been very mobile. It always seems to work out in the end, the dynamics of the class change and they make new friends. Sometimes even the fact that children have been put into different classes in a new year has served to cool a relationship. Otoh, sometimes they've stayed good friends despite that! It's never been as bad as I've anticipated, thank goodness.

Your dd can stay in touch with her friends, too, although I would caution against too tight a relationship (though unlikely at 6yo, I'd say). 16yo Dd1's friend put immense pressure on her when we moved to Indonesia, asking her constantly to come back, that she couldn't live without dd1(!), that her life was now a misery etc. I was very angry when I found out and even phoned up the girls mum and blasted her away. The girl is very manipulative, so I should have been on the lookout.

Thanks for the reassurance suedonim. Thing is, if they move away it's sometimes easier, they get a whole new pool of people to be potential friends. But if you're left behind, you've already deceided from that pool who you want to be friends with. Think I'm projecting my own feeling and fears onto this a little. But I nearly cried today when she said "Why do all my friends move away?"

Anyone else been in this position? I'm having an emotional rollercoaster day today.

I haven't been in this position although we did move house and schools last year so my ds(age 6) had to make friends in a new school (he did so quite easily although he does still miss his old friends). I understand your point about it being harder when you are choosing from the existing pool.

If your dd is 6 (year 1?) will she be changing schools next year? i.e.is she at an infant school? If so this might be a time when she will make some new friends. Also some friendships may came from other sources - eg via a club or activity. Try not to worry too much. I think that friendships are still very flexible at this age as they can change so much - 11 or 12 is a perhaps a more critical age.

Maybe it is also worth having a word with her teacher and asking them to keep a special look out for her at playtimes etc.

Not quite the same as my dd is 3, but 10 months ago her best/main friend moved & we still talk about her a lot tho she isn't upset by it, for a long time asked when we'd see them. Quite honestly it was me that was most upset as the little girl's mum was the 1st person I'd met in years that I really got on with/felt at home with. Think I may have projected a lot of sadness onto dd, we haven't found any other friends like them tho she has made more recently. Just me that's sad. Think children are more resiliant than adults. Sorry that's not much help at all, is it.

It is harder for the child left behind, of course, but it may well be that friendships change and your dd will end up with another pal. Maybe new pupils will start, too. There was one particular girl in dd's school who really seemed to have an effect on everyone's relationship. She's now in the older class and the younger class has regrouped and changed friendships for the better.

Ikwym, about projecting your own concerns, it's very hard. I always hope that if I worry about something, they won't. I hope your little one doesn't find it too traumatic and that the thought is worse than the deed.

Thanks ladies for your posts. Agree that it's me who is being the wimp really (I hope). Yes tealady they do reshuffle the classes next year (Y3) so this should be a good chance for the dynamics to change. She's socialable, not shy, so she has got that in her favour.