Don't panic! I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time. Listen to me - YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A 'PROPER' MOTHER! I can't say that strongly enough. Your daughter will always have you to turn to, caring for her in whatever way is normal for your family, loving her and championing her cause. That's normal.
When I became disabled, I struggled with the thought that I wouldn't be the sort of mother I'd planned to be. That was hard to come to terms with, but to be honest, it was much harder for me than for my daughter.
If you never let your disability get in your way before having children, you can do exactly the same thing now. You sound a bit disorientated and like you need a bit of direction and encouragement to get back on your feet. Having a baby is stressful enough at the best of times and you have a great deal else going on too. I find that when I'm struggling with a lot of stressors, anything to do with my daughter's welfare can reduce me to floods of tears, because it's the thing I care most about. When I've calmed down, I can usually see that it was a response to multiple stressors, rather than any danger faced by my daughter.
There are various forms of help out there and a few charities that can provide direction. I think there is a group phone call for mothers with hearing difficulties, run by www.blindmumsconnect.org.uk/. Check out the facebook page at www.facebook.com/BlindMumsConnect - that's more developed. Also google 'Disabled Parent's Network' which is a major charity run by a very successful vision impaired mum. She will really encourage you and is there on the helpline when things are hard. You would also really benefit from calling 'Disability, Pregnancy and Parenting International' on their helpline - www.dppi.org.uk/. They have resources to help with the practicalities of caring for a baby when you have disabilities. They run a great journal that has lots of very encouraging stories about parents who are successfully looking after their children. I'm a disabled mum in the process of setting up a little charity of my own. If you'd like to know more about that, you can get me on [email protected].
I understand how hard it is, but don't panic. There really are so many different ways to be a good parent. You're at a point where many parents with no vision problems would be finding things a bit overwhelming. Don't shut your hubbie out, either. But do look up the help I've signposted, and tell him about it. My husband was utterly relieved to discover I'd made contact with DPN and DPPI, if only because I felt more upbeat and had a game plan. It is probably also nice for him to realise he's not the first husband in this position, either.
You sound like an amazing mum, actually. Good luck :)