8 year old DD throwing vile tantrums at home - should I speak with teacher?

[Badger63]

My usually lovely 8 year old DD is regularly having awful tantrums at home (screaming, tears, anger etc) which are usually directed at me and usually also "kick off" when I am solo parenting (father being at golf, pub, work, whatever).

My Mum has suggested that I raise this with her teacher. She is in her first year (year 3) at a very academic and sporty private school so I know she is very busy and maybe getting tired each week. But this post isn't so much about what the causes are, rather should I ask for advice from school?

The first parents evening was great and the teacher thinks she is a model pupil.

Are teachers used to getting involved with "domestic" problems ? Are they interested?

If you can't identify any triggers for the behaviour at home then it might be worth asking the teacher if they've noticed any deterioration in her behaviour at school. That will allow the teacher to reassure you and/or offer any support.

I think it's difficult for teachers to get involved if the behaviour is limited to home but it may be that there is a crossover between her bad behaviour at home and what she is doing at school. Even if the only crossover is that she kicks off after a particularly busy/challenging day at school, if you can identify those triggers then you can start to work round them.

Sorry I know you said you weren't asking about the causes but I guess my point was that identifying any crossover in behaviour is the only way I've known schools to get involved in behaviour outwith school iyswim.

When do the tantrums occur?

DD was always very hungry after school and when she is hungry her temper is vile.

Agree with Book, always worth a mention to see if there's anything going on at school you don't know about or a change of behaviour. My DD is almost 8 and, if her behaviour had markedly changed, her school would be my first stop if there wasn't anything at home that I thought was causing it.

Is the school junior-up and she's just joined? Or did they all start together from infants? If it's the former then it may be changing friendship dynamics as they settle in.

If your daughter is usually calm and well behaved then suddenly starts having tantrums, I think her behaviour sounds like a cry for help and that something probably happened or is happening in school which could be causing her distress. Speak to her when she is calm, I would suggest you try to get her to talk to you about how she feels and how kids and teachers are treating her and just be sensitive to her feelings and she may open up and tell you what the problem is.

Hope this helps.

Thanks for the advice ladies.

All the children at her school are new, they are start in year 3.

Think I will have a chat with DD first and then also a word with teacher to see if she has noticed anything.

Might not be the same but my daughter who is 8 and 3/4 was particularly horrid over Xmas having big tantrums, tears lots of shouting. In fact she had been like this for a while. A couple of weeks ago she was thrilled to notice little tiny breast buds! I'm putting it all down to hormones. And it's only going to get worse!

What time does she go to bed? Is she maybe flat out exhausted after her day and needing some extra sleep? You could try popping bedtime forward 15-30 minutes and seeing if that has any effect.

But yes, do have a word with the teacher and see if there is anything going on at school that could be bothering her.