'Unsafe' play dates? WWYD

[marl]

Dd keeps being invited to a nearby friends' house. I like the mum on a personal level, but she clearly has quite different views from me about parenting. A few things have happened in the last few weeks. WWYD?

1. After a play date we mistakenly picked up something that wasn't ours (uniform). I popped back later to re deliver and the mum had gone out to pick up older DD from club (10mins away) leaving 2 kids alone ( age 6), one of whom was still on said play date. (There may have been one if her lodgers in, I don't know. ) The kids answered the door!
2. When I see her coming back from school with her DD there seems to be no road sense. I am admittedly a bit anal about this,but yesterday her DD and another kid had run across a main road and she was 5 mins behind. I ended up waiting with my two kids, until she had caught up and I told her her daughter and friend had just run across a main road. She seemed confused and said she needed to tell them off.

3 She is a bright educated professional woman who has suffered bereavement of her DH and is from another culture entirely. Maybe she doesn't quite get different legal issues here? Is it patronising to say something? So: Do I mention to school? Do I mention to the other play date parent whose kid was (I think) left without adult supervidion? Do I mention to her - I do really seem a bit interfering? Do I just stop DD playing there ? Go to collect from school if DD is going on a play date, to ensure she is not actually walking home 'alone' Is it me?!! If I didn't like her personally I guess it would matter less, but I worry I should say something for the child's sake.

I'd say something along the lines of, I thought you should know that when I came to return the item your dd and her friend opened the door to me. I think perhaps the adult they were left with didn't realise it's not safe for young children to answer the door.

I'd then gauge her reaction. If v blasé to said there was no one else in the house, I'd be honest, since it's a friend and say I was a bit worried about 2 kids being left alone. I'd also tell the mum of the other child. But not til I was sure they had been left alone.

Being specific about road safety is not being precious IMHO, so I wouldn't let her supervise my child coming home if I knew she didn't keep them close.

Thanks theyaremysunshine. I usually trust my own judgement, but this one contained too many mixed issues for me to even get to that point, personally. Wise advice I think. Thanks.

I don't have a problem with my dc answering the door. Should I? I'm sure there was probably a lodger in the house. The road thing would be more of an issue to me, but not so much if they used a crossing. And what iegal issues? I think you could well be thinking the worse possible case in each of your examples.

Yep. Also occurred to me hippo123.. Except when the kids answered the door and I asked for mum, the two little ones said 'no mum is out', and when I said 'who is looking after you?' They said 'we look after ourselves'. I didn't press further at that point, so it could have been nonsense...I just left the jumper... I can see the logic in thinking ' I'm only out for ten minutes and can't be doing with herding them into the car' but on the other hand it's against the law... And another person's child thst was being looked after as well. Although it may just be kids talking nonsense...

Just realised... I didn't answer the question, ' what legal issues'. By that I meant, leaving 2 6 year olds alone at home, if indeed that was the case.

Why isn't it safe for children to answer the door? Do ax murderers usually knock?

I would really hope it was the kids talking nonsense. Not sure if you can ever prove it either way though really. If your unsure then go with your gut and don't send your dd. perhaps you could invite the child to your place instead or arrange to meet up on mutual grounds, parks, soft play etc.

Haha. But really, I don't know! My kids don't answer the door, but possibly because they can't reach!

It's not actually illegal to leave 6 year olds on their own for a few minutes you know. Most parents probably wouldn't do it though I did with my eldest (and v sensible) DS at that age. I did drill him not to answer the door. But one of the 6 year olds left wasn't hers you say? So you could say to her that she might be best not to leave someone else's 6 year old without an adult in case they disapproved or their child wasn't as sensible as maybe hers is.

Again with the road crossing thing if you don't trust your 8 year old to cross the roads between school and the friend's house then tell her this and ask that she keeps them close.

I realise you probably think it's her parenting that's at fault and not your own child who's particularly unsafe with roads but this might be a gentle way to raise the issue.

Both my Both my kids have been allowed to cross quiet roads, go to the park, etc from about 8 years old so I don't think her parenting is way out though she ought to be more careful when she's in charge of other people's children to keep roughly to the levels of supervision they'd expect.

what purpleroses said

there is no law, but most people instinctively realise that they have to be extra conscientious when looking after other people's children

I would not be impressed if I sent my 6 year old on a play date and sound he'd been left w the lodger or alone. That would be the end of play dates there for a few years and if asked, I'd explain why.

Doesn't seem worth the worry to be honest so if you're not comfortable about it stop your child going over and just have her kid over at yours