Fed Up.

[Journey2]

My son is 3 yrs, 4mths and I am sick to the teeth of people telling me how he should be out of nappies etc etc, to make it worse I used to work with children and successfully trained them alongside their parents. So now, particular members of the family think I am going wrong somewhere.
Is there anyone else out there feeling as rotton as I do about this subject?

Hi Journey2. My ds is 4 next month and almost getting the hang of things but we'll still have an accident or two a day. He's a smart cookie in every other way, but somehow has not grasped that this is one thing in life he soesb't have a choice in. His argument is usually that he doesn't want to go.

My mum was a bit disparaging this time last year when he was 3.5. She's an OT and is the toilet training co-ordinator at the special needs school where she works. She was incredulous that ds just didn't get it at all unlike some of her clients who have far greater obstacles to overcome. Her response was to call ds dirty and horrible . Looking back now I was furious at the time, but I can see it was her way of letting off steam because there is NO reason why he should be like this.

Anyway, we pulled back for about 6 months and then went for intense training at Easter time ie pants and big rewards! If the reward isn't on offer, he reverts to leaving it too late anf forgetting. He seems to need a visual reminder that he must use the loo.

We've got a small jar in the bathroom. He gets a marble in the jar for evry trip with dry pants and one taken out for a wet. 2 extra marbles for a whole day dry and a dry night. The reward for a full jar sits on the same shelf so he can see the incentive. It seems to work, but I can't see us losing the systm in a hurry - we're still in for a long haul on this one.

We started toilet trainnig in March 2005 if that's any consolation!

It makes me and that Mums (and kids) get pushed and harrassed about getting out of nappies. They all get there in the end, why does it matter at what age?!? Sorry, you didn't come asking for a rant...I'm just sorry you're getting hassled. Both of you.

...what I was actually going to say was that I've just come back from a (rainy) picnic with a bunch of Mums and toddlers, and out of nine 2-4 year olds only two were out of nappies. The two eldest were in pullups. And no sense of surprise or stress or hassle from anyone (well, stress for me, but only because my dd wasn't in a nappy - and we're still at the prompt-to-pee stage).

hello all - it is such a relief to find this thread. I have been anxious about my 3 1/2 year old's toilet training (or lack thereof) for weeks now. We have tried a couple of times but always end up giving up as we seem to make no progress at all. He clearly has bladder control and will wee on the toilet if taken at the right time but as yet has never gone voluntarily. Is there another way or do I have to keep dragging him up the stairs to the toilet every 15 minutes? I have never been that worried but am now increasingly self conscious about it.
I know i shouldn't but it is hard to avoid the weird glances from strangers.

ps forgot to mention that sister-in-law is into this "nappy free from birth" strategy so now even more pressure as all nephews will be dry - including the newborn!

katesa - try increasing the length of time between trips so he learns what a reasonably full bladder feesl like. My ds now uses words like "bursting" and "really need to go" but he still waits too long so I'm going to carry on prompting him for a bit longer I think.

We've also got set times during the day where he goes "for a try". First thing in the morning and before each meal and always before we leave the house. They're just rules now - no choice in the matter.

THat seems to have cut down on the chances of accidents and we're just trying to convince ds that the toilet is something that everybody does, even if they don't want to.

He seems to be worried that if he has to stop doing what he's involved in toys/TV/cbeebies website (!) that it'll have to stop for good. He's only just realising now that you can go away and come back!

thanks bobsmum - that really seemed to work today, it was our very first day without any accidents. I am a bit concerned that he seems quite emotional about everything at the moment even though he doesn't seem to mind the trips to the bathroom all that much. Is this a natural reaction that others have experienced before?