I really yelled at my DS tonight and I really scared him

[Guiltstricken]

I'm so unwell and have been under the weather for a few days, I'm also 38+3 weeks pregnant and very stressed. I moved many miles away from family due to DH's job and have felt so alone here. I know no one and have little energy to go out and meet people (where do I even start?)

Anyway, today was a good day. DS and I spent most of it cuddling in bed watching his favourite shows and playing together but it all went downhill at bedtime. I was. looking forward to his bedtime as this meant that I could sleep too but he kept coming out of his bed.. I'd put him back and the same would happen. I called DH to find out where he was to find that he was on the train about half an hour away. I felt like crying at the prospect of another night of battling with DS over bedtime.

Anyway, I screamed down the phone that "I've fucking had enough!!" and DS cries at the top of the stairs to which I yelled "Go to bed!" in the ugliest voice I've ever heard. I really yelled/screamed. He refused and tried to come downstairs but I took him to his room, and shut the door. Cue him trying to open it for 5 minutes screaming while I was on the other side slumped down sobbing.

I went to bed and he got in my bed, cuddled me and fell asleep. I almost dies from guilt!! I tried waking him up to apologize but he's out for the night. My poor boy!

I don't know how I'll cope with baby number 2! I'm lonely here, DS is the only company I have all day when he's not at nursery and DH doesn't seem to understand how miserable I am "Just get on with it, you're a mother and wife.. you can't always run to your mum for help. deal with it"... I felt this close to running out of the house and in to the traffic just so I can have eternal rest.

I'm a terrible mother. DS deserves better, he's only 3. He just wanted mummy to hold his hand to sleep and I couldn't do that because I want to sleep? Now I'm sure he's scared of me.

I hope I don't wake up tomorrow!

OP, if you are having suicidal thought because you briefly lost your rag and yelled at your DS (something we've all done), then, and I say this as kindly as possible, you need to speak to a medical professional and get help.

And your DH doesn't sound very helpful or supportive. Women are supposed to turn to other women especially their mothers, for support, advice and help with their children. If he's as backwards traditional as you make him sound, he should be fully supportive of this instead of trying to make you feel guilty for not coping on your own.

Please don't put any guilt on yourself. And put your DH right if he tries to lay any guilt on you for not being infallible at this vulnerable time.

hmm, understand the stress - live on an extraordinarily busy and inappropriate road and dread every morning and evening attempt to navigate it safely

your DH is being a nob please ignore ignore ignore

if MIL willing, let her take DS1 sometimes and amuse him

get all the rest you can, try and tune out everything - I'm sure there would be some outdoors things you could do even if not immediately obvious, but in the meantime, try things like painting maybe if you don't already as he might be more inclined to get involved in that, but so you can sit down while he is busy

agree you shouldn't be feeling so bad about this one time, its clearly about more than this. remember you can do it and you are obviously a great great mum to DS

How hard can it possibly be? Let him have the toddler for a week then he'll see.

2 days and he will beg pardon :)

Oh dear :(

Religion is not a reason for your husband to be unsupportive. He's using it as an excuse, and that's deeply unpleasant.

I'm afraid to say I've had many bedtimes like the one you describe...something I'm not proud of but the important thing is that you recognised it wasn't right and apologised.

For me it was the culmination of 22 months of being a sahm; I had had enough and until I got a break from it the pressure wasn't going to let up. I worked for 6 months and our relationship recovered. Being heavily pregnant myself (and a sahm again) I can sometimes see it building up again, but I have a fantastic dh - who recognises that it's his job to parent too.

I do worry that with no one to help you, and a useless dh, you're going to continue to struggle - no one is superhuman and possesses endless reserves, especially when heavily pregnant! Is there anything you can do to get a break? Go to a family members? Get childcare for even 1-2hrs once or twice a week?

A serious talk with your other half about the reality of dealing with two might be in order too...leave him with the two of them for a few hours when it's born! Religion/culture or not, you're a partnership and he needs to start acting like it.
Good luck

From 38 weeks pregnant I turned into a bit of a monster mummy, snapping at my little girl, a mixture of exhaustion and anxiety for me meant I had little patience for the terrible twos!

I think all that can be done, is apologise, give cuddles and reassurance and tell yourself tomorrow will be a brighter day. I'm now 40+2 #sigh# but have chilled out a bit and am trying to be nicer!

Nighttime guilt is horrible, expect more of it when baby comes and you have to share your time.
You must not beat yourself up 3 year olds are hard at times.
I moved to a new area and got pregnant with my 1st child. I was drowning in loneliness on my Matt leave. When baby came I went to every mother and baby group possible. I now hardly get any housework done because I'm out with friends and our children .
I would start looking at nurseries/preschools so you can have some time with new baby and your son will have things to do during the week that you couldn't manage while having the new baby at home. He gets 15 hours funding??? Use it .
Just don't feel bad sometimes the push buttons in us you never knew you had. Good luck with new baby just before spring aswel. How lovely xxx

Hi op, I hope you're feeling better about things today! Sounds like you're stuck on a rut! At least you'll be seeing your mom soon. Why don't you just give her a call anyway? Hardly crawling back to her! We all need other women during pregnancy!

Op - ten years on from
this post. How are you doing? Xx