Ashamed and guilty-lost temper in front of 8 month old

[CradleCrapNap]

I feel so sad and like the worst mum in the world. I completely lost my temper with DD at bath time today. She is getting to a generally fussy age. She's not happy for more than 10mins at a time and wants constant attention. She spends a lot of the day getting frustrated at various things and making a whiny noise or crying. I get frustrated listening to it on my own 5 days a week but I don't let it show to her (I hope). There are days when I think 'god if I hear that noise one more time I'll scream'!

The problem today at bath time, is that since Christmas DD has had eczema, which has become infected. She's just finishing her third lot of oral antibiotics. Getting these into her 4 times a day is yet another source of frustration as she hates them and clamps her mouth shut and cries :-( I also have to put cream on regularly (we've been through 3 different types and one lot of topical antibiotics) and are still using steroid cream as advised by the GP. It's been stressful to say the least and still isn't at a place where it's being managed. This gets me down. I feel a failure somehow. That it's my fault she has eczema (i have mild asthma and hayfever). That I let it get this bad and get infected. In my head I know that having been to the GP 5 times since Christmas and following their advice I am doing my best.

Anyway, she was fussing throughout bath time, grumbling, whining. Scratching the backs of her knees with her toes. When I moved her feet away, she instantly went for the same spot with her hands and then for her chin. It was like we were battling each other. This carried on on the bath mat getting dried. When I wouldn't let her roll over to grab the basket of nappies and clothes she started screaming and scratching and I just lost it. I screamed myself out of sheer carer fatigue and despair, then I grabbed the basket out of her way and started throwing things out of it and across the room in complete anger. She went quiet then got upset and I just felt awful. I was so ashamed of myself. How could I let something so menial wind me up? I tried my best to reassure her immediately, then I cried throughout the rest of bed time. She was quiet and subdued, although she did smile at me in the mirror which made me feel better. She seems to have settled without problem. I was worried I'd give her nightmares.

She's a good baby. Why is it so hard to be a mum?

Posted too soon! Ones

Posted too soon! Ones on prescription and over the counter, in Boots etc all have SLSs in them. I was way more clued up than my GP.

I only bath my ds about 2/3 times a week and he doesn't have any skin conditions but has lovely skin, gets wiped with a wet flannel after eating thou. So cut down on baths if I was you.
She won't remember and it is hard, everybody loses their temper eventually. I can't imagine having to deal with a scratchy baby.
I use an ecoegg for clothes washing which is supposed to be good for skin complaints.

Loving all the advice everyone, thank you.

Hunt, we have so far tried doublebase gel, zerobase and now using dermol cream and dermol bath emolient. Dermol has anti microbial properties to try and stave off further infections. The rest of her skin is lovely at the moment (touches wood). The knees are the worst, followed by chin, then left nipple and right ankle. Also trying moogoo irritable skin balm, specially for adults and children with eczema, made with very little in terms of nasties. Only just got this though and trialling it on her knees. So far so good.

No dummy but does drool. Have been regular applying cream and then barrier to chin which I do think has helped it heal. Between dribble, milk, sick and food, it's nearly impossible to stop moisture getting in there. She does have an especially chubby chin too. Bless. I always dab her face with cooled boiled water on cotton wool after food and dry by dabbing too.

Zebra, I agree, it is affecting me psychologically. So many feelings, anger, sadness for her, worrying about the future and avoiding infections, what is causing it, and it goes on and on and on...

She does seem as happy as ever today, still fussy at times but it's always easier when there's two of us here. DH took her out for a few hours.

I do go out with her every day, always, rain or shine. I'd go mad otherwise and she loves to be out and about. Only time she is totally settled!

No bath tonight! Or tomorrow for that matter. Will try to aim for once a week and see if that makes a difference. Wish us luck. And will walk away if I feel the heat rising!

I once threw dd's rocking horse through one and a half rooms because she wouldn't move it and I lost my temper

it was 13 years ago

still feel guilty

it happens; we're flawed human beings

Hiya OP, long term eczema sufferer here with a little almost 8 month old with eczema, I know that guilty feeling alright.

Hang in there, trial and error is the only way.

Cutting down on baths sounds good and push for allergy testing if you can.

Dermol does have antibacterial properties but it is a "complex" moisturiser so please be ware that more complex moisturisers can cause reactions too.

It's so hard, so many things it could be and so much anecdotal advice so I apologise for adding to it.

Good luck !

I think you need to know that you sound like a really caring, loving, diligent mother who is in a really difficult situation! It's not normal state of play, trying to deal with a scratchy baby. There's brilliant advice on this thread, but please know that - like has been said - what works for one baby won't work for another. So don't be disheartened. Push hard for allergy testing - if I could go back to the beginning, I'd have had it done immediately. Looking back, I can see how poorly my baby was but we were first time parents...we didn't know it would be allergies. I feel horribly guilty about that, and for the times I shouted and cried with frustration. None of it was his fault but sometimes I do wonder if I caused more stress in him from my stress and anxiety over it.

Anyway. Lots of great advice but whatever eventually works, please be kind to yourself. It's very stressful. Don't beat yourself up for reacting like a human being with limits.

As above, don't beat yourself up. You didn't throw anything at her or harm her in anyway, you just after MONTHS, had a momentary lapse of full control. You don't have to be perfect to be a good mum.

With the eczema, another anecdote for you, sorry, just to mention that DD reacted to anything with petroleum in (which is the majority of the prescribed creams). Aveeno doesn't contain any and we have that on prescription now and it sorted her eczema in no time, it's her perfect stuff, but what suits one won't suit another. Just may be worth considering the petroleum thing.

It's not your fault. There is only so much you can do. Good luck.

We have petroleum issues here too. Aveeno suits us at the moment (it does change).

Hope you are feeling better today

I have lost it in a similar way under similar circumstances Cradle, please know you not alone nor a bad person! I take my hat off to you being at home all week. My DH works 7 days a week (farmer) so I am constantly in ( not so yummy) mummy mode and it's bloody hard work, emotional and repetitive still at this age (my DD is 8 m too). I went back to work 2d a week when DD was 6 months cos I knew it was the only time off I would get! About the eczema, my sis has had it since badly since very young, cows milk main cause. She can't use fabric softener and only uses Surcare, she's had over 30 years of dealing with it and says, along with cutting out cows milk, no softener made the biggest diff.
Big hugs to you, hope you're feeling better

Bless you, babies are hard work, plus the eczema. My son also suffers. He's 2 but main cream that works for him is Fucibet. It's a steroid and antibiotic cream. So none of the oral antibiotic fights (yep, been there too). May be worth mentioning this cream to GP. We also reduced baths & stopped using oilatum emollient in bath. Touch wood skin has been fab lately....
Hope things improve soon, x

For the eczema, I have had it all my life and been through the constant rotations of steroid creams, emollients etc. The thing that has finally got it completely under control is a mixture of oils, I would try putting it all over your babies skin, head to toe, twice a day to get on top of it and then once a day after bathing, before sleeping every day, regardless of whether her skin is breaking out or not. You mix together almond oil, marigold oil, olive oil, a teaspoon of sea salt and some boiled and cooled water, put it in a bottle, shake well and keep in the bathroom. Honestly speaking I have not had any problems with my skin since using this, it even helps with spots.

The mistake my dm made when I was a child was that whenever my skin was better she would stop doing any treatment but eczema is a chronic condition and it means you have very dry skin which needs to always be moisturised. Water dries it out more so after bathing it is especially important to moisturise (the oils do this just fine)

Also, don't know if your dd has atopic eczema, but not having carpets or pets really helped my skin.

Oh just realised also flax seed oil should be in there with the others

Hindsight, I have a beloved cat! I do wonder if he doesn't help things. We only have a rug, then wooden/stone floor, and I cover the rug with a large playmat so she isn't really on it. The mat gets washed weekly and the cat isn't allowed on it.
Thanks for all the support and advice. DH was getting her ready for bed tonight (still holding off on the baths) and he was like 'I don't know what to do to stop her scratching with her feet on the backs of her knees'. I have devised a technique where I have to put my knee between her legs so I can have my hands free to do the nappy etc! It works but it's not good for my back.
Her chin is looking it's best in a long time. Not perfect though so carrying on with steroids and will continue moisturising even if it does get better. Knees still less good but not as red as they have been. Just hoping that now the antibiotics have finished that we don't eat any more infections. Please!! It's all I ask. I can handle managing a long term skin condition, just no more infections!

Cradle we also had a cat for most of my childhood, I love cats but I find if I don't wash my skin after petting them it does flare up. I think the combination of carpets and cat made the house feel generally allergicy for me, should be better without carpets like your house.