(Disclaimer: I am aware how incredibly fortunate I am to have family to do childcare. My parents and pils are wonderful and I am beyond grateful to them and demonstrate this gratitude frequently)
I have ds1 aged 3 and ds2 aged 5 mo.
I will be returning to work ft in the summer. Up until recently our childcare arrangements were going to be as they were when I went back to work after ds1 - as follows:
Mon - Nursery
Tues - Nursery
Wed - dm (she travels though and stays on a Tues night, then spends Wed with them at our house)
Thurs - Pils (dh takes and collects as he works nearby)
Fri - Dh off
We were happy with this arrangement as it worked well after ds1, I felt like one day a week was just enough for gps so that it didn't feel like too much of a chore.
We asked both sets of parents if they were happy to continue with 2dcs and they said yes. (All in late 50s, fit and well, pils are retired though my mum works and Weds is her day off).
Then my mum threw us a curveball - she is winding down at work (she is self employed running own retail business) and she said she could take a tuesday off and have both dcs Tues and Wed.
I am unsure for a variety of reasons - firstly I am worried that it would be too much for her (hell I find it too much some days and i'm their mother!) esp as ds2 will be mobile and presumably more of a handful. DM is insulted by this as she tells me that she had 3 dc under 5 and no car and coped perfectly well (though seems to ignore the fact that this was 30y ago...).
Also, the following sept ds1 will go to school, and I think him going down to just one day at nursery to then go to ft school might be too much of a transition (when other kids will have been in pre-school every day etc).
Also my mum suggested that she could take them through to hers on a Tues, they could stay overnight, and she would bring them back on a weds. This would mean me not seeing dcs 1 night per week and though it would allow me to get loads done (am ft secondary teacher) i'm not sure how comfortable I feel about not seeing them every night, especially as I would like to continue to bf ds2 after my return to work. My mum's house is about a 30-40 min drive away, depending on traffic, but she lives in a village by the sea so in the summer there is loads for dcs to do near hers - eg great park/beach etc.
Another option is that she only has ds2 on a tues and has both of them on a weds. This would mean keeping ds1 in nursery 2 days. I would worry that if ds1 will only be going to nursery i day per week it would be harder for him to settle in?? This would mean she would stay at our house though, not take dcs overnight, though she could take them to hers during the day if she wanted and I could collect.
Another option but one I am not keen on is that we switch the nursery days to Mon and Fri and dh goes back to work ft. He is also self employed and so it would only be worth it if he made more that day than it would cost for childcare, and I suspect he might just end up spreading the same amount of work over 5 days. I also think that dh being in sole charge of ds1 one day per week was an absolutely wonderful thing for our family and our relationship (he never questions "what I do all day" on mat leave!) and he is looking forward to doing it again with both dss.
So, sorry for essay, I realise it's a good position to be in. what option do you think would be best taking all things into consideration?
Is the only 1 day at nursery thing an important factor or not really??