2 under 2 - is it just basic survival?

[missjulia]

just that really. feel like im failing dc1 because can't play and give as much attention as would like to ... and feel like failing dc2 as they just get dragged around and no real play time etc. is this just the way it is?

My friend had 3 under 3 and yes, I think in the early days it is just survivial. They actuall had her mum visit every day for the first month and were dreading her cutting back to 3 times a week (as they knew they'd be outnumbered then!)

However, the early days do pass and you do get more time to spend with each one. Her and her bloke used to take turns at looking after one or two of them at the weekend so that they'd get turns at 1:1 time, but that was long after the newborn, early baby stage (maybe from 6 months?).

I think initially, you do what you can. Take advantage of their naps to give 1:1 time to each of them (or if they nap at the same time, have some time to yourself).

If you can get out to toddlers groups for your eldest to play at, that can give her some play time whilst also giving you some 1:1 time with the baby.

But honestly, at this point, if they're both fed with a clean bum, you're doing well!

Haha, thanks :-) We do get out to toddlers, park etc as much as we can. Think just feeling overwhelmed, neither of them ever get the best of me and the house is beyond a riot! They are both clean(ish) and fed and generally happy. Just been a long winter of colds and bugs, roll on some sunny days!

Basic survival pretty much sums it up! As long as DS and DD were clean and fed that was a good day. (On a really good day I was clean and fed too!). I think the tiredness just overwhelmed me in the first 3/4 months.

But I think you are right about the sunny days. The garden is like having an extra room.

One thing I always tried to do was make sure DD was asleep before DS so that he would always have a bedtime story with me. That way he always got 15 minutes of 'nice' time with me.

It is survival for quite a long time. My real low was when DC2 was 8n months old and I looked at them both in the bath and thought it was the hardest thing ever. BUT, now I am out the other side (5 and 4), I promise it was all worth it. The kids are great friends and look out for and after each other in such a lovely way. In the mornings, they get up and go off to play together without needing our input and we are both able to e.g. sit and read for a bit whilst they pretend to be dragons.

I think the turning pt was around 18 months old (for the youngest). I mean it gets better before that but that's when there's a sudden leap. Hang in there.

Thanks for your responses! I'm glad to hear it gets easier...felt like we were doing well at the start but the past month/ 6 weeks have been a real struggle. Just want to be a good mum!

You are a good mum OP - even the fact that you're asking the question proves it.

Have a for now and a for when the nippers are all asleep :)

I love it when they make each other giggle.

Thanks for the tea and wine :-D They have already started making each other laugh and it is so lovely! My oldest isn't jealous either so that is good. It is more just the logistics of having two babies at completely different stages! I'm sure we will get there :-)

I take my hat off to you all. I only have one. He's enough of a handful. One of my close friends has just had her fourth child. She now has four under four years of age. I do not know how she manages.

She must be crazy :-)

I had 3 under 4 and the first year was survival. So long as they were fed clean and dressed I classed that day as a win!
Once dc3 was a year old and dc1 was having a few hours of preschool life got much easier.
They are 3,5 and 7 now and the bigger 2 are in school and I really miss those early years.

I am so aware that I do not want to wish their wee lives away and the thought of them going to school or even nursery makes me cry! Some days are so long but time is passing too quickly already!

It gets easier, I promise! And now I think it was the best decision that we made accident that happened.

Being military with organisation (jammies laid out for that evening after breakfast / all going out bags packed / outfits chosen the night before), yet being as laid back and flexible as humanly possible is the key, I think!!

Now they are 3 and 4, in different nursery classes - one in the morning and one in the afternoon, four school runs a day (!), we are about to throw a third into the mix.

Feed 'em, pray they sleep, drink wine and limp on!

Don't look at it as just survival.
Look at it as living and just accept the way it is for now.

It will change as they grow, and it's easier to embrace the busy times and find something to enjoy in the mayhem and hustle and bustle, than buck against it!

You will look back on it with fondness.

Omg, I have 2 under THREE and want to kill someone most days.

Good point, think need to just accept that for now my house is a mess etc, rather than spend every day thinking, "oh my goodness, this place is a riot!"

I so recognise this. Mine are 4.5 and nearly 3 now but the first 6 months were seriously tough. I used to arrange to be out of the house as much as I possibly could - at friends houses, at soft plays (despite hating them), in the park, whatever. I just found being at home with both of them really difficult and DC2 was a much tougher baby than DC1 had been.

I'm really just dropping by to say that it gets much easier and I am a massive fan of the narrow age gap now. The kids have a lovely relationship and DH and I get to do lovely things now like read the paper, have a cup of coffee, even the very occasional lie in while the kids watch CBeebies on the weekend.

A few people I've spoken to have said small gaps pay off long term - will be close enough in age to play together etc. Most of my friends have 2 - 3 years which seems to be the socially accepted 'norm'!