"I need a poo poo" - genuine or a bedtime delay tactic?

[99redballoons]

Hi, dh and I are really split on this. I think ds' calls for a poo after he's been told 'lights out it's bedtime' are a delaying tactic. Dh thinks they're genuine and he should be gotten up out of bed and given a try on the loo. I just don't know how to approach this.

Our bedtime routine is bath, teeth, loo, books, bed. He is asked to try and do a poo when he does his final wee of the day before going in his nappy. Sometimes he sits for a few mins, other times he insists he doesn't want one. Then 10-20 mins later (depending on how long books take) we kiss him goodnight etc and lights go out. Either at that point or a few mins later we hear calls saying he wants to do a poo poo.

In the past (5/7 nights/wk) we have then got him up, sat him down and either a massive amount comes out or one small plop and that's it. Why wasn't he able to do this a few mins ago when he was sat on the loo before books? I'm sure 20mins might make a difference some nights, but not every night, and why is it so perfectly timed with lights out?

Anyway, tonight he ate dinner at 5:15 and in bed at 7:00. Surely this would have been enough time for his dinner to settle. But low and behold he completely insisted he didn't want to do anything after I put him on the loo after his bath. I said to him firmly then he won't have any other opportunitly to do a poo tonight and to try hard. He didn't, squirmed and just wanted off. Ten mins later after finishing books (quick tonight!) I had a slow calm chat with him, he was all relaxed, lights out. As soon as I was walking down the stairs - MUM I NEED A POO POO !! ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH After 5mins of yelling I went in to see him and said calmly that he had a chance to do one earlier and he's not allowed out of bed, time to go to sleep. He yelled a little longer, funnily enough whilst dh and I were yelling/talking about it all downstairs. Dh thinks I'm being too hard and wanted to go upstairs and get him up. I said I don't want to 'feed' this habit any more, but if he wants to be on poo poo duty every night from now on he can go ahead. I said I wanted to try this for a few nights to see if it broke the cycle. I'm hoping that tomorrow night ds will think about it a bit more when we do his final wee and try harder then. We'll see. But I think it's worth a go for a few days.

Is this completely wrong? Do you think this is a sleep delaying tactic or a geniune, physical issue we're just going to have to put up with a bit longer? Ds is 3.1 btw.

Thanks for listening... I was fuming at the start of this post, with dh that is. Feel bad for ds cos it is tough..

No advice but we are in exactly the same boat with DD 2.3, cant be sure either way. Sometime it's definitely delay, othertimes it may be genuine.

It is really frustrating, isn't it? I think it is to an extent a power thing, and (hard as it may seem) when he sees it getting to you, it may well reinforce the behaviour.

The advice I've heard on this one is that you need to just calmly respond to each request, let him do it, wipe his bum and put him back to bed with no chat, comment etc.

Ds1 stopped wearing nappies in bed a few weeks ago, and spends up to an hour in the early evening popping in and out of bed to go to the bathroom. He set up a stool so that he can go by himself, although he calls for a wipe. I see it as asserting his independence, although he is also trying to test us out and see what buttons he can press!

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Aha just in time!
whiny toddler screaming for a poo at bedtime regaling my ears

both in my experience - that is what is driving me mad!

My twins (3.5) are excelling at it - even if they do a poo before going to bed - they still either come down 10 minutes later and do another one, or don't come down and do it in their nappies and then come down - not sure which is worse.

No suggestions just solidarity - and a fervant hope that it is just a phase.

gosh, it makes you feel so much better when you know others are in the same boat iykwim!

Well... I went up to check on ds after posting earlier and, bless him, he was fast asleep with his big light on. Must have turned it on during his protests but gave into the sandman in the end.

He nearly always has a poo in his nappy in the morning regardless of doing one the night before. This was one of dh's protests, saying how are we supposed to get him out of nappies if he's always doing a poo in the morning. But that's another issue I say, we deal with the night-time and morning separately. We'll see I guess.

I guess you're all right, it's such a hard one to call and once he's out of nappies I think we will just go with the flow and let him hop in and out, hoping the 'freedom' will just be a phase and disappear. I think we'll see how it goes tomorrow night. The suggestion of making it a boring time is very good. We do end up playing games sometimes, so I can see maybe he knows he has fun and wants to keep that up. I'll definitely discuss this with dh. After he calmed down he finally could see where I was coming from and thought it was worth a try for a few days but if it didn't make any difference we do wee/poos after the books. It's just so lovely turning the light off after snuggles and books and it interrupts the flow completely getting out of bed again and possibly getting frustrated with how long it's taking to get a no.2 result. So if we try the 'boring' technique it may just disappear too.

Thanks all. Feel much better!