Update - Grandparents dog and toddler thread

[Tillyboo]

And the saga rolls on ....
DH wrote letter to his parents to further explain our expectations and rules about their dog being kept away from our dd - a telephone conversation and face to face explosive evening didn't sink in so this was the last effort on our behalf !
Result ? Utter unacceptance that the dog might do any harm and accusation that we are being hypersensitive.
We are due at a wedding in a couple of weeks time and are staying in in-laws small holiday cottage. It has no backgarden and not a lot of living space. My in-laws were going to babysit dd at the cottage (1st time babysitting in 2.5 yrs) for the afternoon and eve as no children allowed at wedding. We had originally said 'Fine as long as dog stays at home with BIL'. But, MIL is refusing to leave dog behind (even though he goes into kennels if they go away for the weekend/ on hol etc.) saying 'It's out cottage, our rules and the dog comes with us'.
DH had words over the phone and is v upset at their behaviour and has basically said that we'll stay in the wedding hotel and my sister will look after dd.
We are standing by our guns and refuse to be bullied or blackmailed into submission. Personally I think it's all about control. MIL can't accept that a son may possibly defy her and not agree with her on anything.
Question is, how do we go forward from this? I feel so sad for my dh but very proud of the way he's stood up to his MIL in particular as they are pretty formidable.
Couldn't sleep last night as I was sooooo angry about all this. Just can't believe they are being so horrible, they haven't given a thought to how upsetting it is for dh especially as we have health issues to worry about with our dd.
Aggghhhhhhhhh !

Your in-laws are being ridiculous. My PILs are serious dog people (when ds1 was born they had 5 inc. two v large dogs) and they were always meticulous about making sure the dogs and grandchildren were kept apart or supervised v v carefully, just in case. Their dogs are beautifully trained with lovely natures, but even so, because PILs are not stupid they knew that poking toddlers / babies can upset the loveliest of dogs and it's just not worth the risk. Because they have been so good about it, ds1 is v confident with dogs now and knows how to treat them since he has been taught slowly and carefully the right way of doing things (I have never had a dog myself and can be a little nervous of them and am glad that has not been passed on to kids). You should point out to your in laws that if they want dd to learn to love their dog, they need to prevent any possibilty of an incident while she is little.

Sorry, didn't see your original thread. Have you got specific health issues re dogs and your child to worry about?

My mum and dad have 2 dogs one of which is a young pup who bits and jumps up often leaving my 2 yr old and 3 yr old terrified on the sofa crying. I must say tho, these dogs mean everything to my mum and I'm more of a well, if I want to see my mum I have to sort of fit in with her as well. She does help us out (on a small scale now and then) so I sort of just work round the dogs.

I think you are absolutely doing the right thing. Every parent's first condideration should be the welfare and safety of their child. MIL is being terribly unreasonable. I would just let the matter go now, deal with her normally but not let them babysit if they can't respect your wishes.

Sorry didn't see this one so posted on the other one

"MIL can't accept that a son may possibly defy her and not agree with her on anything."
Spot on, this is a power struggle, very little to do with the dogs imo.

Tillyboo, this must be very hard for you - it always is when in conflict with relatives. But you are so doing the right thing.

My MIL had a dog, which I my SIL and I refused to have around the children. She was a lovely dog, but I once caught doing a 'silent' snap towards one of them. They weren't touched, but she snapped because MIL was paying attention to a child.

MIL couldn't understand the risk would screeched 'she's alright' (meaning the dog). and didn't think it was fair of me to ask her to put the dog either in the garden or kitchen. (wtf).

So SIL and I stopped taking the children round to her house.

But then turned up at my house on a wet day with the bloody dog.

Became very upset with DH as he told her no way is that dog coming in.

1. crawling baby
2. cream carpets.

so dog went into the garden (and pooed in garden) and all the time 'is sally ok?'

Sadly the dog died - sad because she (without kids in the equation) was a lovely dog, and she was MIL companion (the only thing that could put up with her)

So we started visting her house again. She started talking about getting another dog and said it would have to get on with her cats - and I said children too, and she replied - getting on with cats is more important

anyway, in the end she got a puppy, a lovely little thing, BUT as it keeps jumping up, DD hates it (she's only 17mths) and MIL thinks DD is being VERY silly, we no longer go round. I don't want DD to get a phobia about dogs. And now DD hasn't seen Nana for nearly a month. which is sad as DD appears fond of her and she never sees my parents.

But her safety and peace of mind is much more important.

Sorry - turned out a bit long, but Tillyboo stick to your guns - your LO is much more important than a dog, and I would say can't believe your PILs are like this - but mine are.

Hi niceglasses - No dd's health problems aren't related to dogs but they are a worry as she may need another op and we don't need a whole lot of unnecessary hassle on top, which PIL fail to appreciate.
I was attacked by a dog when I was the same age as dd and still carry the facial scars today.
However, this didn't put me off dogs amazingly, in-fact pre-children I always had Springer Spaniels (which are quite a handful) so I'm not anti-dogs but it makes me extra wary of dogs behaviour, especially around active toddlers.
Trouble is, I know if we give the PIL an inch i.e. agree to allow the dog in the same room but on the lead, this'll slip & the lead will first be dropped and then it'll be removed altogether so we've gone the whole hog and said 'No' to the dog sharing any space with dd