4 week old who won't settle and 'making a rod for my own back'?!

[CAnn88]

LO is 4.5 weeks old and sleeps between 12.00-6/7.00 am most nights which I'm pretty happy with. The problem is getting her to fall asleep in the first place. She is reluctant to nap in the day, and is incredibly difficult to settle at night.

It takes about 3 hours of bouncing, cluster feeding rocking, bathing, singing etc to soothe her. She normally eventually crashes out at the boob, but it's such a fight to get to that point, and we never manage before midnight. Sometimes she's crying and unsettled, other times she is just alert and unwilling to go to sleep. Should I just go with this or is there anyway I can get her down easier?

She won't take proper naps in the daytime either, which my HV, mother, midwife etc say is because we don't have a routine. At the moment I feed and cuddle her until she goes back to sleep (usually for between 10-40 mins)or until she is content and repeat throughout the day. She doesn't like being put down so I do spend most of my day holding her.

I feel like I'm getting everything wrong. I keep getting told I'm spoiling her, or making a rod, but I can't force her to sleep! Should I be structuring our days better? And what can I possibly do to help her drift off? There is no way I'm leaving her to cry!

It takes about 3 hours of bouncing, rocking, bathing, singing etc to soothe her.

I think (aside from the fact that she is 4 weeks old) you are in danger of over stimulating her.

Feed her, lie her on your tummy while you watch TV/listen to music/read a book etc & let her settle on you.

I cannot stand the idea of 'attachment parenting' and am all for routine and an easy happy life for everyone! However... 4 week's old????????? Never mind after a csection... What the hell is wrong with these people? . I'm with those telling you to show your mom the Hoover, she should absolutely be helping you out! Tell her we said! Ds was about 4 months before he started getting into a reasonable routine and that was when I trained him to sleep in the cot instead of on me! Used to love our naps together! Enjoy this bonding time but I'd definitely agree about the over stimulation... Rocking, singing, etc... They didn't have that in the womb... Just darkness, peace and quiet. So yep, chill out in the evening and she will find her own routine!

OP I have 4 boys, the youngest of which is 11 weeks old.

I am not into strict routines and tend to let them settle into their own natural one because believe me they do and it doesn't take long. However, particularly in the first 3 months I'd say you'd be mad to try and set a solid routine because they chop and change so much.

It is stressful when parents, partners or health visitors try and tell you to do something that sounds simple but feels so unnatural and you def need to ignore them all and don't feel guilty about it. Hold her as much as you like and feed her to sleep whenever you like. This only causes a habit much later on and to be honest isn't really a problem until you want to give up breast feeding in my opinion. You'll find that once you stop worrying about what someone tells you not to do and just go with whatever works for you and your family, it'll all become more relaxed (including the baby) and you can just enjoy yourself.

We fed to sleep for months, my 1yr old still does when I want to get her to nap at a particular time-it can be very handy!! In the evening when you are rocking/singing etc of try just feeding her, at that age my LO was cluster feeding from about 7-11pm, it took us a few days of rocking/walkin etc to realise she just wanted to feed. It's a good excuse to get your OH to make dinner!

The 'rod for your own back' line is a load of crap, there was a group of about 5 of us at my baby group that all fed to sleep for month, some co-slept, some had to as their babies demanded it (mine included) and now at a year they are all sleeping through pretty much and are happy confident babies. I'm sure routiney babies are too but just because you are happy to cuddle/feed/snuggle on demad it doesnt mean you'll never be able to put her down. Make the most of it as before you know it she'll be a year old and squirming off you to go to play when you try to have a cuddle'

My DS is 5 weeks tomorrow and the last two weeks have been hellish-he's gone from being a gorgeous, settled baby into the child from hell.

The problem was over-stimulation. We're first time parents and figured that if he wanted to stay up in between his feeds (roughly 3-3 1/2 hours) then we couldn't force sleep. We'd cuddle, play, bouncy chair, swing etc but he is just so alert all the time, he fought daytime sleep with every bone in his body.

Night was a little better-he'd do 11-2 then 245-530-6 and then he would be up. For the whole day. I couldn't sleep during the day because he demanded constant attention/holding/interaction.

As part of the midwife service in my area, they offer a baby nurse who helps with bonding, sleeping, routine etc. she came out today and made it clear that we need to teach DS the art of sleeping during the day. DS has terrible trapped wind (winding can take up to 25m) and is not a good feeder. She instantly suggested controlled tummy motion with no eye contact.

Before, when he wouldn't settle, we'd rush to pick him up and cuddle. Now, we're to swing him tummy down on a forearm (legs either side), supporting his head with the wrist of your other arm. As you rock, tap his tummy gently. After 5-10 min, he was out for the count and could be transferred to Moses basket. This disrupted him but all we did was shhh and reinsert the dummy when it fell out (he's a sucky baby).

First time this morning-1h 45 to get him to sleep BUT he slept for 2 hours. Second attenpt this afternoon-passed out for 3h 45m (we have never broken the 330 barrier) and didn't need to even do the shhh and dummy routine. Third attenpt failed miserably (by the time he started to drift, it was bath and bottle time) but is now sound asleep.

I'm not getting my hopes up but it may work ? He much prefers being on his tummy and, while he can't sleep that way, settling him without eye contact and where he is most comfy has worked for us today. Will probably fail miserably tomorrow but it's been a step forward (hopefully it won't affect his sleep tonight or I may just cry in frustration!

Inapickle, I am wondering how you can do the forearm position as he grows? Trying to picture it but have a 10-week-old on the boob right now so can't test it out. Doesn't it get super-heavy even with 5-week-old, if doing for more than an hour? And are you tapping his tummy with the same hand that you.'re using to support his head?

Another one in a similar boat op,dd is 6weeks old and sleeps for 3-4hours at a time during the night when she goes to sleep but getting her there can be a long haul. Part of our problem was we had it in our head that she had to go to sleep early and would try to settle her from 7pm when she was wide awake! Stupid I know...

We're now trying to get into some form of routine but not a rigid one. Midwife and HV both suggested making the difference between night and day obvious so at 7pm(ish) the lights get dimmed, tv gets turned down and we talk to each other much quieter. She sleeps overnight in her pram as well as napping in it during the day but during the day I use blankets, only at night does she go in her sleeping bag. She gets a bath, bottle and cuddles into me or hubby rather than playing until she starts to nod of when we transfer to pram and rock back and forward and/or tummy rub to help her sleep. It's not a strict routine by any means,we certainly don't do it at a set time every night and the slightest thing will send it flying out the window but when we have a few nights in a row where we pull it off she does settle better.

There's no lovelier feeling that your baby sleeping snuggled in your arms. But when the health visitor was in I mentioned I was trying not to let her fall asleep in my arms as I didn't want her getting used to it and only sleeping that way. She pointed out baby was 3 weeks old and if she was sleeping and happy then let her get on with it. It was good advice and DD does tend to settle very quickly after her night feeds so it clearly hasn't made a rod for my own back.

The trick (apparently) is to catch him when he's drowsy. He was a small baby (just 6lb at birth) and is only just over the 8lb mark. I'm not really sure how it's going to work as he grows but i stood and swing and, when he got too heavy, I sat down and just kept it up.

I laid him one right forearm, with my hand on his tummy-then supported his head with my left wrist. Tapped with right hand and I was absolutely astounded at how quickly he started to doze. Don't get me wrong, today has been difficult to settle him BUT he slept for 3 hours this morning (after a 5am wake up) and 2 this afternoon. In the space of two days, I've gone from having demon/overtired baby who literally wouldn't sleep at all during the day, to a happy-ish dozy baby.

Nights are still hard work (especially as we need to drop a feed-argh) but try the face down rocking whole standing, then when he's settled-Ish, sit down. When you sense he's pretty much gone, walk to Moses basket (still patting) slowly turns him around and place down. He will probably wake up but then you start the patting/shush malarky.

Anything is worth a try.

Ignore your mum and your hv. If you can't walk properly, sod the housework! And if you feel that it's right to hold your baby while she naps, and feed her to sleep, then it is right, because she's YOUR baby and you know her best. Enjoy these early days and stay in bed snuggling because in a few months she will be squiggling about all over the place and you won't get the chance any more.

If you are bfing, learn to feed lying down because it is an absolute saviour if you need to sleep. And it's lovely Just make sure you follow the co-sleeping advice though.

I fed to sleep til dd turned 1. She just grew out of it, although I admit I was ready to stop and was starting to wonder how to stop... and she napped on me till 11 months and only stopped because I went back to work... she found her own rhythm and no-one ever told me I was making a rod for my own back. Trust your instincts.

I read this this morning OP which you might like :)

www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2012/01/message-for-expectantnew-parents.html

I agree with everyone else. My lo would not settle unless she was cuddled to sleep. Nap times only ever taken sleeping on my belly. She would wake 3 times a night and mostly slept in with me after the 3am one. 6 months old now and try and cuddle her to sleep. No chance. Goe down to bed and or her naps awake and I did not have a problem with this. She loved going in her own room and having loads of space. Ignore people enjoy your cuddles. If like me it is your first you will miss them