How do I get my 3 yr old to sleep, and in his bed???

[claireh11]

Hi I am at the end of my tether with my 3yr old ds. He used to be such a great sleeper, did the cc thing when he was a baby and he used to go to sleep fine on his own in his cot at about 7PM or just after.He is now 3yo, is a nightmare to get to go to sleep in his bed, cries all the time that he doesnt like his bed and wants to come in with me or us when dh not working nights.

When I put him to bed at about 7:30 (if he makes it there without falling asleep on sofa first after a busy day) we put on a story cd for him and lay with him for approx 5 mins to settle him and have a cuddle, or we read a story to him. We both (me and dh) have to take turns to go back upstairs to see him one more time then he is pretty good and goes to sleep. he has the same routine he has been in since a baby with bath/shower and some milk downstairs to calm him before bed.

Problem is he NEVER makes it past 3am before he walks in and climbs into bed with us. Some nights we don't even know he has done this til we wake up in the morning and there's a little person in between us snoring away. He also seems worse when dh is on nights as he seems to think he can play up more cos daddy's not there, V annoying He is also a very early riser, normally waking at about 6, which I don't mind so much if Ive had unbroken sleep. Ive tried carrying him back through in middle of night but he just screams the place down which makes it incredibly difficult for me as dh works shifts so is either in bed by then trying to sleep after working all night or sleeping before he gets up at 4:15 to go to work on days. Dh's best friend also rents room from us so don't wanna wake him up either.

Anyone got any idea's pls as to how to get him to sleep in his bed, and actually stay there I'd be really grateful??

Does it matter so much? I would leave it, it will pass. If you just presume he will probably come and join you at some point then it will be easier to sleep through it. It sounds like moving him is just upsetting all of you and makes you all tired and miserable. He won't want to do this for ever, but to let him come and join you when he feels he needs your reassuring presence is going to be good for his confidence in the long run. As you say, some nights you don't even know he has done it till you wake up in the morning - so what's the problem?

Just wanted to add - I know there seems to be some sort of unwritten rule that "you mustn't let your children sleep with you", but it is really quite normal for small people to be snuggling up with parents. I saw some figures once for the number of children in the UK who still sleep with their parents sometimes, at each age, and it would really surprise you! People just don't tend to admit it. Worldwide of course, it is more normal to sleep with your children than to sleep without them.

Thanks franny. To be honest it's not so much of a problem with me as it is for dh. he is a tanker driver for a living and obviously NEEDS his sleep as he gets up at 4:15 am to drive a 44tonne lorry around full of fuel.

Ds is such a wriggling washing machine in bed that dh gets kicked about and pushed out of bed, thus not getting a good nights sleep. I can sleep through a hurricane I think so I'm ot so badly affected.

What age do they normally grow out of it?, my friend's little girl is now 5 and is still in their bed, gonna shock her in 3 weeks when new baby arrives lol

claire I agree with franny. My ds is 2.9yrs and just started to come into our bed etc and to be honest I ignore him. In the grand scheme of things it is one of those things that doesnt really matter. If he feels he needs the comfort then fair enough but it is not worth all getting upset over. He will stop at some point even if it is when he is 10 Seriously though because we ignore ds sometimes he doesnt come in at all. Other times it is really nice for him ot come in a nd cuddle up.

Could you fit another bed / mattress in the room? A small single mattress on the floor might work, and you could tell ds to just tiptoe in and sleep down there if he wants to come in, alternatively, your dh could just move down there during the night if he finds he's being woken up by ds. I do think it's worth being flexible about sleep arrangements - children feel very vulnerable at night and if you can help them feel safe it saves so much bother.

My ds was in bed with us from birth (not my original plan but he sort of made his feelings quite clear ), and he has just moved out aged 3, so it does end. I have heard that most children who sleep with their parents move out aged 3 or 4, but most tend to come back for visits at some point. Do you have any other children? Putting two little ones in together can help as well.

Hi no he is an only child at the mo so cant put him in with anyone else. I don't want to push himi out cos I love his cuddles and he is a very cuddly and affectionate boy, I was just wondering whether there were any tips to try to encourange him to sleep in his own bed.

I involved him when re-decorating his room from a nursery to a big boys room and he came with me to choose decor. stick arounds etc so that it was how he likes it.

Strangely, when on our hols a hotel put a single mattress on the floor for him and he slept through both nights, unfortunately I do not have room to put his mattress next to our bed. We may invest in a king size though instead of our double lol

Oh well hopefully he will decide soon enough that he's had enough of listening to us snoring and will decide to stay in his bed. I will miss the cuddles though.