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Parenting

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Original poster

Grandparent HELL!!!!

22 replies

MILHELL · 04/08/2006 15:54

My MIL caused hell with us a couple of years ago as she was not 'invited' to my dd's 1st birthday party, as it was, we never actually had one as she was only 1 and she only had a very small tea party and then went to sleep, my mil lives a couple of hours away and we knew she would be coming to see us soon anyway, and also we lived at that point in a very small 2 bedroomed flat and so we didnt have room for loads of people to come round, anyway this was now 2 years ago and his MIL has made our lives hell ever since, she hasnt sent either of my children xmas or birthday cards or presents or made any phone calls to see how they are!! sometimes she has called and spoken to my eldest ds Rhys who is 6, and just said "is Andy there" not hiya how you doing, nanna missed you or whatever, she has really caused a massive rift between me and my dp as he finds it difficult to decide whats the best thing to do - he is obviously torn.
Well my dd has now just had her 3rd birthday party and i was trying to be nice and we invited her, but she never showed up, she never called, and she never even sent my dd a card now she has decided she is getting in touch with a solicitor, to see about 'grandparents rights'!!!! is she in anyway able to have any rights? can she have any input in their lives at all? dp and i are not married btw.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lemonaid · 04/08/2006 15:59

The short answer is No.

What a nightmare she sounds!

MamaG · 04/08/2006 16:00

oh my GOD what a bitch! Go see your local Solicitor or CAB for advice.

yorkshirelass79 · 04/08/2006 16:00

Message withdrawn

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TwoToTango · 04/08/2006 16:04

God what a nightmare. Like MamaG says I would go to my local CAB just to get the facts and put my mind at rest.

Carmenere · 04/08/2006 16:06

Ring her up and tell her to bog off, silly old cow!

JessaJam · 04/08/2006 16:06

clearly off her trolley, since SHE has severed links with her grandchildren by not sending cards/talking to them/taking up the invite...

woof woof woof (barking mad!)

lislou · 04/08/2006 16:13

aaahhh that all sound horrible.my kids havent got any grandads they are both dead.they have to nannas though.now one ,my mum,lives literaly down the road but we never see her.the other one 12 months ago got on a plane to live in portugal .!shes still there!!!!!i prefer it ofcourse.they think more of their own lives than they do about the flesh and blood that they helped create.weird but its just the way it is.they will be the ones full of regrets when they are too old to change it and they have no relationship with their families.leave your mil to it.she is the one who will ultimatley pay.

Original poster

MILHELL · 04/08/2006 16:57

LOL thanks girls! so she has no rights over my kids then? is she just talking out her arse again???

OP posts:

Quootiepie · 04/08/2006 17:12

Is DP on birth cert.?

hotmama · 04/08/2006 17:16

I have a vague recollection that there are grandparents rights - but I don't know any details.

I'd speak to CAB or a Solicitor - they often give an hours free advice.

However, you haven't stopped her seeing your MIL - so I don'tknow what her issues are. She sounds a complete cow though!

suejonez · 04/08/2006 17:19

What rights do grandparents have?
None. There are no formal legal rights but grandparents do have the right to apply for leave from the court, under Section 8 of the Children Act 1989, for contact.

gladbag · 04/08/2006 17:20

have a quick look here , it may answer a few questions...HTH (and I think she sounds like a fruitcake, and a nasty one at that)

suejonez · 04/08/2006 17:20

Courts would decide whether to give her contact based on what was in the best interests of the child. As you haven't refused her contact and she doesn't attempt contact by phone, I don;t think she has a leg to stand on.

theladyvanishes · 04/08/2006 18:08

I know you may not want to hear this but is there anyway you can call her and try to sort it out amicably (even if she started it all) none of you need the upset especially the kids and at the end of the day its them that she is hurting by doing this (i know i could cope without seeing my MIL ) and tbh i think anyone in a legal position will either say a)bog off you batty old women you've no rights or b) mediation but given the fact that you haven't refused her access its more than likely to be a.

suejonez · 04/08/2006 18:23

or you could just ring her and say "bog off you batty old women you've no rights" and cut out the middleman

mum2sam · 06/08/2006 20:02

there have been cases where gp's have tried to get access but i dont think its widely recognised by the law/court yet and so some cases have taken 2 years and even then i think some gp's only win one tea time per month if the parents are not co-operating.which is a shame in some cases where the parents are denying them access to spite them. We are not talking to mil and she hasnt seen ds because she has said shes cut ties with dh and ds. She said it to blackmail us and it backfired and until she takes it back or asks to see ds then she wont. Despite our differnece i would never haver have stopped her from seeing ds but she overstepped the mark with what she said and tried to do.

If the parents are being reasonable i.e you can obviously say you havent denied access then she has no leg to stand on. You can set the terms in which she sees them and if she refuses to accept them then she has not rights.

proudofmyboobs · 06/08/2006 20:16

I don't know about grandparents rights but I just wanted to say that we had a time of it with MIL saying things about me and my Dh went and had it out with her, brought it all out in the open, we didn't see her for months and now we are verry slowly trying to make things ok for the sake of the kids, maybe if you call her and listen to what she has to say? I know it's not easy, and she will live to regret the time missed out on her grandkids, but at the end of the day you would look reasonable if this ever did come to court (Though I seriously doubt it would!)

Sakura · 07/08/2006 00:18

She sounds like an attention-seeking control freak. My mother is the same; found any old excuse not to fall out with me and not come to my wedding. You can either rise to the bait (V annoying for the rest of your life), or not take the bait and ignore her/tell her her behaviour is unnacceptable to you ( V difficult emotionally, and takes a lot of strengh).
Up to you
I chose the latter, and even though it was hell to go through that kind of confrontation with a control freak, I have regained control now because I wouldn`t allow her behaviour to continue. I feel SO much freer and better because of it.

Sakura · 07/08/2006 00:18

sorry, "any old excuse TO fall out with me"

collision · 07/08/2006 00:23

If I were you, I would take a photo of the kids and do a card and send it to her saying that she has always been welcome to see the children and you would love her to come to tea.

that way you know you have done the right thing and you can sleep easy knowing you are not doing anything to provoke her. Keep a copy of what you have done so you can show a solicitor if it ever comes to it.

She sounds very odd to me and doesnt have a leg to stand on.

My MIL is the epitome of evilness and horribleness. She had never met ds2 (22m) and we have to see her in a few weeks at BIL's wedding. DS1 and DS2 wont even know who she is.

Chandra · 07/08/2006 01:38

If you are in Spain, grandparents can sue to get visitation rights, it was a legislation introduced to protect GPs as other victims of divorce.

Have to say that we have contemplated the possibility of my MIL sueing us... but, the plain thought of it made DH so angry that I think if she ever dared, DH would be prepared to severe links with her forever.

pussyinboots · 07/08/2006 03:00

What a nutter!!

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