Feeling lonely with a newborn

[CAnn88]

So my pfb is finally here! For the last 3 weeks I've been basically house bound (after a physically difficult pregnancy and nasty labour emcs) but am starting to feel a bit better. I love being at home and looking after my baby, but I'm starting to feel very alone. I don't live near my family and don't have any friends with children or babies, or that aren't occupied with work during the day. I didn't go to any antenatal groups due to anxiety (I spent my pregnancy convinced my DD wasn't going to arrive safely) so didn't make friends that way.

I'm starting to feel like I spend my day BFding and waiting for my H to get home. I have a history of depression and although I currently feel mentally healthy, I fear that being this isolated might become a problem.

How do you make friends when you have a new born? And are there groups I can go to? All I can seem to find for my area is stuff for toddlers. I'm really starting to worry about my lack of support.

Do you have a surestart centre in your area? They've been my main access point to local classes and meeting other local mums. With luck you'll find loads on, musical classes /coffee mornings /play sessions etc. My lo is only 4 months but we've been welcomed at all the classes I've tried so far

Congratulations!

Maybe give your health visitor a ring and ask? Also look on NCT website, there may be a postnatak course round you. Noticeboards at the doctor's surgery, supermarket etc. The lical swimming pool may have classes for babies. Google your nearest children's centre. Or be 'assertive' and go out, find a nice cafe and just start talking to anyone with a baby.

Good luck!

Is there a children's centre nearby that runs groups? Our health visitor gave us lots of information on what is on locally.

Sure start will probably have a bf support group in your area or try la leche league. You'll at least have a conversation starter there. Or if that sort of group isn't your thing try a class like baby massage so the focus isn't on making chit chat. A lot o groups in our area seem to be for 4 months and up (I guess because newborns can't do much!).

On days I don't go to a group I get out for a walk or go for a coffee so at least I'm out of the house.

Start with the supermarket cafe. Get yourself and baby out and about and finish up with a hot drink and cake while baby sleeps and random old ladies coo. Its an easy place to start because nothing about it is scary or difficult.

Oh and go onto your local Mumsnet site and see if there's a meet up group near you.

What general area are you in OP? Have you asked your health visitor if they run, or know of, any groups? Also check out your local library, they often have a baby group.
If you're willing to pay we really enjoy our Rhythm Time classes. And there's also stuff like baby sensory, baby yoga, baby massage etc. Have a Google.
Congratulations BTW.

Breastfeeding support group? You don't need to be having issues to attend and it's a nice place to chat and have tea and biscuits.
We started baby swimming at about 12 weeks which was nice as afterwards all of the mums would go for coffee.

I also vote for the bf support group. We always used to pop in there and everyone is so friendly.
I also made some of my closest baby friends by chatting to other mums at clinic.
It will be easier once the weather gets better as it will be nicer then to just go for a walk around the park.

Summer, am in Cardiff. Thanks for the suggestions, will contact my HV. I'm yet to go out alone with the baby, and for the last month of pregnancy I could barely move, so am quite scared about reinstating myself in the outside world. It all sounds a little daunting!

I would second the advice about Surestart centres. We went regularly from when DS was a newborn, starting with the breastfeeding support group, then baby sensory group. DS is now 17 months and we still go a couple of times a week, he loves messy play & music groups. Even if you feel your DD is too young to benefit from the groups, it's somewhere to go that you will be made to feel welcome. When I had DS I knew very few people in my area with kids, and most were older. I've made so many new friends, and almost all of them were made through the children's centre. We also went to rhyme time at our local library a few times, that was good too, and I know our local NCT branch to a bumps & babies coffee morning, open to anyone.

• Agree with everyone else about Surestart centres, and other places that have bf support groups (GP surgeries sometimes do too).
• Does your local library do 'rhyme time' or similar for babies? He is too little to care but it can be a good place to get you out and have a chat to other mums.
• Is there a sling library or sling meet? A decent sling can make getting out easier, and it can be a good place for a chat too.
• Local NCT will often run 'bumps and babies' type events. You usually don't have to be a member to go to them.

I felt the same. Just set yoursrlf a target of a very short trip to get up your confidence. Go domewhere you feel 'safe' I.e somewhere with lots of kind people if u need any help. Maybe the library? Or a short walk to ur local shops, babies r like dogs, everyone seems to stop and chat. When u feel ready go to a local group. It took me a while to pluck up the courage to go out. Make sure u mention ur worries to ur hv.

I understand how scary it is. DS (4 weeks) and I made our first trip out without DH yesterday to the children's centre to be weighed and then for the breastfeeding group. I was terrified but it went really well and everyone was lovely, I felt so much better for having braved it and I'm sure you will too.

Try out the toddler groups. I wish I'd gone to more as a lot of the mums there had toddlers yes but also babies. Which was great as I could sit down and chat.
harder to make friends now dd is off like a rocket and I spent the time chasing after her

If you are cardiff bay side of cardiff I can recommend Salvation Army in Grangetown for groups. Lots of lovely mums and good for chatting

CAnn88

I was exactly the same after I had my first. I too suffer with anxiety (life long) and I never used to go out with him. I tried different groups but wasn't to be for me - my anxiety unfortunately got in the way. However, time makes things easier. Try different groups - I wish I'd asked for advice. Find a group that suits you with people you are comfortable with. I also never had good support and it was SO SO difficult. But you'll get there x