how could i help my friend whose dd at just nearly 4 is still in nappies

[hermykne]

sshe wears one at night and wont do a poo on the toilet so she practical wears one during the day.

she was here last sunday and had one on all afternoon.

its a bit delicate but i think she needs some advice

anyone

I wouldn't give any advice unless she actually asks, myself. It's such an emotionally-charged topic that any unsolicited advice you offer is unlikely to get a good reaction, I'd have thought.

Presumably the child will be starting school at some point, so she'll either have sorted it out by then, or the school will take action. There was a child in my dd1's class who started Reception still in nappies (I think the mum was a bit bonkers, and treated the child like a baby) and iirc the school called in social services to deal with it.

My intial instinct is that you should let her handle it the way she sees fit - she probably wouldn't appreciate any interference. If her child isn't ready to drop the nappies then she's not ready to drop the nappies - there's bugger all that anyone can do about that! It's not at all unusual for a 4 year old to wear a nappy at night (I have a 5 year old who isn't dry at night yet - it's no great shakes, 1 in 4 4-year-olds and 1 in 5 5-year-olds aren't dry at night), and it's not considered a problem until they're 7.

Daytime is a different thing, but if she won't poo in the toilet they may feel that leaving her in nappies is the only answer. It depends too on whether she's aware of needing a poo - if not then there's probably not much point taking her out of nappies. Toilet phobia is a horrible thing to have to deal with and it's really common for children not to want to poo in a toilet - they may be leaving her in nappies because using the loo is too stressful for their dd. We had to let our dd have a nappy for a poo for almost 18 months after she was dry in the daytime but she knew when she needed to go and was happy to ask for a nappy - maybe that would be something you could suggest, but she may not appreciate it.

my husbands friends child wont go to the loo or potty, so they put a napy on him to go. hes 4. they have no discipline at all though... this kid was poking my baby when he thought no one was looking, and they let him run and jump on the sofa and do handstands on it when i was sitting on it holding DS

forgot to say that she was fully trained bar the nighttime and this is a reversal thing going on.

my friend wont mind my effort at helping, we're quite close and shes mentioned/chatted about it a few times.

she starts school in sept.