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Talk to me about 10 year plus age gaps

5 replies

Tranquilitybaby · 03/02/2014 09:39

Considering trying for no. 3 bit the age gap will be 10 years +. Any advice would be great!

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MrsJamesMartin · 03/02/2014 13:01

I've now got 3, DS2 is 11 weeks, DS1 is 8 and DD is 11 so pretty big age gap. DD has been an absolute star she dotes on him, helps out with changing him, playing with him very keen to get involved. DS1 was a little resentful at the beginning as he didn't realise just how much time a new baby would demand of me, he is now, however, in love with his little brother who laughs and smiles at him and his silly voices.

Its certainly hard to begin with and a shock to the system after so long but you soon get into it, and with the others being so much older they are independent in so many ways ( dressing, going to loo, bathing, getting breakfast etc..) I have been able to supervise and give out instructions while sitting feeding!

Go for it, its lovely Smile

GlitzAndGiggles · 03/02/2014 13:06

In my friends family the age gap between the youngest and eldest is 21 years with 3 kids in between. All quite big gaps between them but they're all really close as siblings

LastingLight · 03/02/2014 13:52

My brother is 10 years and 7 months younger than I am with no siblings in between. It was great from the pov that there was no jealousy or comparing ourselves because we were always in such different phases of our lives. I was to some extent a third parent. He kept my parents young and going (they were 40 and 45 when he was born) but having a child so late in life did have a negative financial impact.

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ras105 · 03/02/2014 15:40

My parents had my older sister and myself, and then a younger sister was born 10 years later. (I had always thought she was a mistake, but turns out she was planned!).

I found it a very difficult idea at first, having been the youngest for 10 years. I even made my mum cry by telling her I hoped she had a miscarriage. I didn't really know what I was talking about, I thought that it was still a reversible option. Just ignore any jealousy from your older kids, they forget as soon as the baby is born!

When my sister was born, we all completely changed. We all loved her to bits and she could easily have become the most spoilt child in the country! Despite being 10 years older, I shared a room with her from when I was 11 until I was 14 and I don't remember ever minding this apart from when I was told to tidy her toys. I loved playing with her and comforting her at night.

The plus sides for our family have been:

  • when my older sister and I were teenagers, we would still want to spend time at home because of our younger sister. I also came back from uni much more often because of her.
  • we did a lot for her as a family, so we stayed a close family even when we were difficult teenagers e.g. family mealtimes, walks in the park etc
  • now I am pregnant I realise how knowledgeable I am compared to other prospective mums. I picked up a lot by having a much younger sibling, and babies have never seemed 'scary' to me as they did to a lot of my friends

The down sides:

  • It was pretty traumatic for my younger sister, who had a lot of attention growing up, to cope with my older sister and I moving away to uni
  • Now that my older sister and I are living close to my parents again, it's traumatic for us to say goodbye to my younger sister who is going off to uni now!

My mum said that as she was older, it was more tiring but she was a more relaxed parent and my sister was the easiest child to bring up. She had very willing helpers in us but made it clear that she was always 'The Mum'! ie. we were not allowed to tell off our sister but also we were never expected to change her nappies!

Personally, I think it was the best thing my parents ever did! If my older sister and I had both left home without my younger sister still being there I don't think we would all be as close as we are now. As the older siblings, we were given more independence as my mum had to concentrate on the baby. I remember enjoying being able to 'prove' that I was mature and responsible!

So I am definitely a pro. Then again this is from the point of view of the middle child, rather than as a parent! I'm sure my mum would agree though as well.

SleepyNess · 03/02/2014 19:22

My sister is 12.5 years younger and it's amazing! We get on super well. And my mum had no problems running to the shop, etc - a baby sitter always at hand - and i loved it actually.

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