Seeking advice on how much sending DS to nursery when new baby arrives

[hackneybird]

My son is 4. Am currently working ft and go on mat leave in May when baby number two will arrive. We have no family nearby and live in a new area so no local mum friends.

Really torn about what to do with son's nursery place, but I need to be realistic about my limitations. If I'm not working I'd prefer not to send him full time and to spend more time with him, but I worry about being able to look after him properly and cope when I'm very heavily pregnant or when I'm crazed with sleep deprivation and constantly breast feeding a newborn. Friends who have already had their second. Have advised me to use the nursery place if I can in the early days.

I can afford to keep him in nursery full time but feel very guilty at sending him in every day if I'm going to be on mat leave. Perhaps I should drop him down to four days.

What is making me feel less guilty about this is that he'll start school in Sept, and as I'll be at home I'll be completely around to settle him in, pick up every day at 3pm, and baby will be 3 months by then, so hopefully I'll be more into a routine and have my head together a bit.

What did you all do with childcare for older children when younger siblings arrived?

I would suggest 5 full days. He will get bored at home and might get jealous if you are having to spend whole day breastfeeding etc. plus you will be knackered from baby and will want to sleep when he sleeps. My daughter who is almost two LOVES going to her nursery and learns a lot there. She is also loving being a big sister, I suspect bc she is able to get my full attention mornings and when she returns from nursery (hubby helps w baby at this time). I give her special attention on weekends as well. Bc she is at nursery full time, she doesn't have to wait all the time as I feed baby and et upset if I hold baby all the time etc. if I hold him when she is home she sometimes wants me to hold her. Other then that, she has been really good with baby. Hugs him, gives him toys (even her favourite ones!), blankets, brings bottle etc. so cute!

I think you're right to drop down to 3 days. At 4yo your DS might be happy to go off every day, but on the other hand he may be very upset at the realisation that you're at home ft with the baby while he is being sent to nursery. Three days keeps some routine for him without risking him feeling pushed out imo (although i'm biased as my DS is still doing 3 days while i'm at home with 3mo DD!). You'll definitely also be thankful for some time with just the baby, but having the two of them for part of the week allows them to get used to being around each other as well as you learning to cope with them. It's not that difficult having two ime, especially with a decent age gap, but the days with just the baby are much easier.

Dc1 was 2yo when dc2 arrived, and we continued with 3 days at nursery. I found this a nice balance and didn't really struggle until 4/5 months when sleep deprivation really kicked in!

This time dc2 will be 3yo (dc1 at school) and currently does 4 days at nursery. I'm sticking with 4 days as I'm having twins and not going to get daytime help with them. So for 4 days I'll 'only' have newborn twins around!

Before I knew it was twins, I'd planned to drop down to 3 days at nursery though - it's a nice balance of time for you with baby, entertainment for the older child, and time altogether.