Are sahm's viewed as lazy and feckless?

[mammamiaaaaa]

I went back to work when my dd was 1 for a year, and then moved half way across the country with my family (had to leave my job) and fell pregnant a month later, and am now expecting my second child. I have not worked since the move. I feel like all i ever get are comments about how nice it must be to 'put my feet up and watch daytime tv', and 'it must be nice just being able to do whatever you want during the day' and ' I couldn't not work' , and 'so do you think you will ever go back to work?' YE RIGHT! I find this really insulting as quite frankly being at home full time with a partner with a highly demanding job that takes him away at least a couple of nights a week and late home in the evenings, i have never worked harder, and still never feel like I get everything done. I also feel like people I meet don't know what to talk about when I say I'm at home (or think I must be a bit of a simpleton) and not working just now. Is it just me or does anyone else find they get treated a bit like a second class citizen for being at home? As if I don't contribute and should frankly either be starring in or at the very least watching Jeremy Kyle. I think it's rubbish that in this day and age we can't just feel like it is right to do whatever is best for the family at any given time. It's as if in the UK we celebrate mum's feeling guilty and having to work outside the home to keep some sort of feeling of worth. I think women should be able to choose (although i know choice does not always come into it) home/work p/t/ f/t depending on whatever suits them or is required of them to make things work for themselves and their family.

Depends who you ask - the Daily Mail- yes lazy and feckless SAHMs (as opposed to the career women who are ruining their children's lives and making them feral) or normal people :o
Though I disagree women should be able to choose - I think parents together should choose what's best for the family. Otherwise you're basically assuming the man has the 'real' job and the woman would work for pin money

You just learn not to care.

There are plenty of things you can be involved with / do. You can lead as interesting life as you want to, be as interesting as you want to. But you don't owe this to other people. It is your family's business.

Congratulations btw :o

yes parents together to choose and work out what works for them, that is what I mean, I just think it ashame as I have found that when not working outside the home that I hear so many views which insinuate that being at home makes you a lazy or pampered woman (which is very far from the truth), as these just seem to be sweeping assumptions people make when you say you are at home.

People need to justify themselves I stayed home with ds 1 till he went to school, I started my business when ds 2 was 3 months old and he comes to work with me, should I be lucky enough to have a third I will need to use a cm a couple of hours a day. If you are happy I would ignore them.
Failing that just smile sweetly and say that you have an addiction to Jeremy Kyle ( should shut them up)

Women are criticised for everything. If you stay at home, you're not contributing to the household. If you work out of the home, you must not love your children enough. Men are not criticised for either in general - if they want to be at home, they just adore their kids. If they work, well, that's normal and doesn't mean they don't love their children.

The real truth is that most people try to do the best thing for their family. That might be staying at home and contributing that way; it might be bringing home another wage. Over a lifetime, you may not be one or the other but both. You are not set in stone as a SAHM or WOHM.

That's my view anyway.

I'm lazy and feckless.

I am a SAHM.

The two are not related.

I've hit this stereotype at almost every turn from various people. However, I am just about to move into a house I planned and built from scratch, I passed my theory driving and started taking lessons, I've gone on holiday to Africa alone with DD, and hopefully helped to set up a much needed online resource in the last 12 months alone, I don't feel I have done too badly! Who needs a man

I have been described as a 'pretend parent' in the past by a work mate. This is because I have a full time job. You can't win as a woman and this divisive nonsense is utterly unhelpful to us all. I would have swapped places with you in a heartbeat when my babies were wee.

I go to work for a rest I have friends in your position and I don't envy them, I know being a SAHM made me miserable, but thankfully we are all different. I definitely don't think SAHM = lazy.

I work part time, my old boss, every single Wednesday afternoon, would say 'enjoy your lovely long weekend' and I'd throw a 'your shitting me' look whilst fighting the urge to stab her.

I know exactly how you feel! It's constant, normally my MIL or my brother having digs to which I reacted the other day! They just don't get it, they honestly think I just do nothing all day when it's quite the opposite. It's from the point of waking up, all day, all evening then on and off all night. A 9 - 5 would be easy! But I still wouldn't change it. Just wind them up back. Did you watch Jeremy Kyle today? I've done nothing but sit down today... Etc

You're

Who cares what other people think? Since when is your life their business?

Yep I feel the same, I've got 3 dc's not worked for 5 years since I had no 2, and it's took me around 3.5-4 years to get used to it and not feel ashamed that I don't work!
People think I'm pampered or lazy but I'm not it's the hardest job I've ever done mentally, I'm certainly not pampered!! But it's best for us at the mo and once no 3 starts school I'll hopefully retrain and start my own business I can fit around my family

I'm a SAHM, have been since DD was born 2.5 years ago and now expecting number 2 so no plans to work any time soon. Maybe I've been lucky but I've never had a rude comment about it (that I know of!) in real life, only read the rather less-than-complimentary things people sometimes say on here it doesn't bother me reading comments online because these people aren't speaking specifically to me, they don't know me or anything about me. I can understand that it would be hard to take in real life, if it is happening all the time and you feel like you're having to say the same things over and and over again. If you can manage it, just roll your eyes and tell them not to start that again, it's getting boring... But I think I would struggle not to lose my rag if someone was so rude or condescending to my face, so I understand your frustration and wish you bountiful supplies of patience!

I was a SAHM for 2.75 years and I never received a negative comment. Do what works for you it is no one else's business. I loved the time I spent at home.

It always varies depending on the experience of others. I know a lot of SAHMs, so they wouldn't judge me negatively if I was a SAHM because they and their families know how tiring it can be and how much it entails.

I get a reverse judgement - a lot of people think I'm somehow 'super mum' because I work, study, and am at home sometimes with a near toddler. However DH is a SAHF, and I don't think people really get it. There is an assumption that I'm the 'main' parent and that DS would want me more than DH just because I'm 'mum'. When in fact, DS spends much more time alone with DH and as such DH often knows more about what he might want or need. They have a fantastic relationship and DS is very happily settled by DH - at least 2 days and nights a week he doesn't see me at all

I would like more free time at home, so that I could spend more time with DS and DH and not with my mind thinking about work or study in the background. I thought I wanted to be a SAHM, but now I'm not sure I'd be very good at it. I've only had to have DS completely alone for a day or more on a handful of occasions and had to get very creative as to how we spent our time! a lot of baths were had DH is just very good at being a SAHF, even if it does wear him out too.

On the other hand SIL couldn't understand how I could possibly be tired as I don't work as many hours as she does (this actually comes from a place of love, she's younger than us, still at uni, and not one of those crazy judgey SIL stories you come across on MN!). Because from her perspective, my set up looks simple - go to work a bit, study a bit, stay at home a bit, DH looks after DS and does some study also. She equally feels that DH doesn't do much. But I know that she thinks that because she just doesn't grasp the full experience of what we live and do, and at current to her the main object is to get a full time job in the city, working all hours, and anything else would be 'easy'. I can understand, because I used to think the same.

Like everyone else has said, can't please 'em all

If a SAHM wasn't a SAHM, she would be paying someone to look after child/children or asking a relative to look after them. Neither nursery staff or relative would be considered lazy, so why should a SAHM for doing the same job?

I'm currently SAHM but looking to go back to work. Have also worked for periods with a young child. I've never met anyone who's called a SAHM lazy, but have seen it in the media.

Really so much depends on circumstance, some people choose to be a SAHM but some do it because they have to.

I am in the US and I think overall it is highly respected here...you are seen as either well off to be able to do it or so somehow self sacrificing for putting your career on hold....but then I hang out with mainly educated middle class mums who had careers and gave them up to be sahm...so I think this influences my viewpoint and I feel sorry when I hear a mum has had to go back to work and assume it is for financial necessity. Of course those mums may be bloody delighted to go back as it does not suit them to be home. Glad more women have the choice.
The only people who ever ask if I am returning to work are uk friends....so I think it may be more a norm to work in the uk. Here in the US I feel there is a lot of respect and acknowledgement it is at times a hard challenging job.
I don,t really give a fig what people think as I feel very lucky to enjoy being a sahm and know it would be a great loss personally, if I had to work 5 days a week and be apart, but I get that many have no choice or really struggle staying at home.

If a SAHM wasn't a SAHM, she would be paying someone to look after child/children or asking a relative to look after them. Neither nursery staff or relative would be considered lazy, so why should a SAHM for doing the same job?

Exactly. And that's all that needs to be said on the subject. All these people saying you set a bad example to your children by being a SAHM and not working are sort of missing the point. Someone has to do it, so why shouldn't it be you?