I think I favour one DC too much

[IcouldstillbeJoseph]

DS is just 3. DD is 1 in a couple of days.

I had severe PND after DS was born. It affected my bonding with him initially but once I'd started treatment I felt I loved him 'properly'. I have felt fine and 'cured' since.

My pregnancy with DD was different. It was very much longed for and I had a couple of instances where DD and I both almost died (no dramatics - just a fact!). I felt overwhelmingly grateful when she was born that we had both survived. Also, when she was born I completely loved her. I felt that all-consuming maternal bond that I'd read about. I have continued to be completely besotted by her. Breastfeeding has been a completely different experience this time too and still going well.

The problem I have is that I worry I favour her too much over DS. She is a terrible sleeper so I often feel very snappy with DS. I am furious if he treads on her or takes toys away from her and upsets her. Although I know this is completely age appropriate.

I do try and do activities with DS on his own and enjoy it but it's not always possible as I haven't got a great deal of time without DD.

Is it normal to favour the smallest one? I think about it almost everyday. DS is a lovely boy, caring and kind but I feel he gets a rough ride from me. Anyone got any advice?

I had a Boy then a girl with the same age gap and felt the same as you do.

It won't last. It's their age. 1 is so adorable and 3 is very testing. He no longer is eager to please he is starting to push boundaries. He is now testing you and she is nowhere near that stage - just cute.

I thought maybe it was because I always wanted a girl.

I then fell PG with my DS2. He is now the adorable one (17 months) and she has drove me nuts his first year although she has now turned 4 and turned a corner.

So a mixture of one being at a great age and one being at a challenging age and lack of sleep make you feel like this.
It's not as if you are going to be snappy and annoyed at the baby are you?

It's the 3 yr old making a million demands while your struggling to get your screaming 1 yr old into a snowsuit, your sweating and all you really want to do is go for that pee you've been needing for the last hour and he is chattering at you like a demented chimp - familiar?

It will pass. I love all 3 equally now and my favorite is always the one who is behaving that day!

I had it the opposite way around - DS first, madly in love, DD second, pnd. DS now 3 and DD 1. And we are in exactly the same situation. DS's constant why questions drive me nuts while DD fascinates me with her attempts to walk and talk. It's just their ages. Baby is vulnerable while toddler is boisterous. Just remember 3 is still young - baby her every now and again!

I'm so glad you posted this op I have the same age gap, although mine are 2.5 and 6 months. I feel the same as you. The exact same situation. I try and tell myself I don't but I do. I feel so so guilty.

I have 22 months between my first 2 and I felt exactly the same. It doesn't last. They are 16 and 18 now and they both annoy me equally (joking)

I had it the opposite way around too. DS (3) instant mad, endless love. DS2 is just about 1 - this relationship is growing with time and getting stronger but it is not the same and I too worry at times that I favor one more. I personally find imaginative 3 far more adorable then the baby stage. So for myself I am finding stronger bonding now that my youngest is starting to interact so much more.

I think you have to give yourself permission for the relationships to be different. Both love, both magical - but individual.

The relief of reading these replies is huge - thank you

I feel similar but the opposite way round iyswim. Dd1 is 2 and is an absolute joy, so interesting and cute but doesn't require constant attention and will adorably play by herself for a bit whereas dd2 7 months is at the age where she wants constant something or other. I feel like I was able to do that with dd1 because I only had dd1.
I'm looking forward to when dd2 is doing things and talking. The communication is probably what I find most difficult and actually since dd2 has started babbling I've found things a bit easier.

I love them both but I enjoy spending time with my 2 year old more then I feel guilty for that.

Don't feel that your love for either dc is based upon that first rush of love you did or didn't get when they were born. It is wonderful to have that sudden overwhelming love, but it is dependent often on hormones, how the pregnancy was, the birth experience etc. If the love took a while to come with one child that doesn't mean you love them any less than the other. 3 years is a hard age, they are testing boundaries, still having tantrums, and you don't have the energy or patience to deal with that when you are tired with another lo as well. You can't direct your irritation at a small helpless chubby cherub, so naturally you are tempted to snap at the eldest. I have felt sorry for my ds1 at times, as inevitably when I was at my most exhausted and fed up I would lose my patience with him, even if he wasn't being naughty as such, just a bit irritating. I had to remind myself that actually, ds1 would remember that time more than dd2, who was too small to remember whether her mother lost the plot at times and could be a snappy witch. I tried to take extra care with my manner towards ds1 and to make time for him - hard with another lo, especially when you are trying to make suppers for everyone with a screaming baby glued to your leg. The 20 minutes or so after dd2 went to bed and before ds1's bed I made special time, so that he would go to bed feeling that I'd given him proper attention. I would put on voices for his angry bird toys or his cars despite the tedium involved and read stories and chat properly. It wasn't a lot of time but it made me feel better after they were both in bed that at least I hadn't neglected him all day. It will get easier for you as your eldest gets a little older, don't be too hard on yourself.