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Parenting

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Original poster

do you ever wonder why you have the number of children you have?

31 replies

surroundedbyboys · 01/08/2006 16:41

because i am seriously starting to think i have only had 3 children to try and prove to myself i can do it IYKWIM. like some sort of sadistic test to overcome the nagging feeling that i'm not very good at it or to prove that i can do it better than i did with the last one.

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FioFio · 01/08/2006 16:43

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kama · 01/08/2006 16:47

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marthamoo · 01/08/2006 16:49

I always wanted three but, tbh, I'm so crap at pregnancy and new babydom (have had PND twice) that I've decided to stick at two.

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sweetkitty · 01/08/2006 16:52

I have 2 DDs right now but still feel there is someone missing from our family. I'm not especially broody (DD2 only 6 mo) but I always find myself thinking of the future and having 3 children for example today I was thinking "when no3 comes DD1 and 2 could get bunk beds" I don't want a boy especially but the yearning for another baby is so strong.

If I didn't have another baby I would feel grateful for the DDs but would still feel sad that I couldn't have another one. I just hope that if I do have another one I feel our family is complete!

SecurMummy · 01/08/2006 16:53

def. linked to the number of labours I went through I think!

kama · 01/08/2006 16:54

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apronstrings · 01/08/2006 16:56

I always wanted three and always thought I would have three. there were times when I cried when I was pg with no 4 and times after she was born when I fouynd it so hard I cried that I didn't want 4. Of course I love them all and would never really have been with out any one of them - from having my scan there were also days when I had a big grin on my face. Now you'll all think I'm a nutter but I went through a phase ( and it still gets me sometimes) of being scared no4 would die because I was never meant to have her - I was supposed to have three!

SecurMummy · 01/08/2006 17:00

Ok non-flippant answer! I feel like sweet-kitty in a way, but for me that is bad I already have 4 and no partner - oh and only 3 bedrooms so another would be foolish, however I would happily carry on if the situation were different (very!)

I think I have this many because I love having them around me, I kind of need a little one at home, so when the littlest one is not so little anymore I get scared! As if the only thing I am good at is going away and I will be left without any true purpose in life (sad isn't it!)

Having no more now will take the largest amount of self control I have ever been called to use, there are times when I get panicy about the idea! Staying away from all men ever will certainly help me in this endevour - just no-one post the phone number of a sperm bank near me

Original poster

surroundedbyboys · 01/08/2006 17:06

hmmmm, interesting.

see, i can totally understand you securmummy - you love motherhood, you feel defined by it almost in a way (if i understand you correctly). i think that is so wonderful, not sad.

so, apronstrings - was no 4 planned or not?

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Original poster

surroundedbyboys · 01/08/2006 17:07

oh and kama - prey tell more... how do you know???

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SecurMummy · 01/08/2006 17:15

Oh yes definitly defining!

I don't know really if it is sad or not, sometimes I think "I need to have my children to need me - how sad" other times I think totally differently!

Original poster

surroundedbyboys · 01/08/2006 17:19

you totally enjoy and feel fulfilled by what you are doing - a perfect match. i would love to feel like that.

i also think all of us, however fulfilled we are, feel like we need our children to need us. otherwise you would have no incentive for the hard slog - i'm sure that is a biological and natural instinct.

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apronstrings · 01/08/2006 17:29

number 4 was def not planned - I am almost over my embarassment - We had sex once (I had been drinking (a lot) and didn't even know we hadn't used contraception - later that month a friend said af was late and she hoped she wasn't pg - dh said hope we're not. I nearly fell over!!

so now I have 4 children...and wouldn't change it (dd2 is 14 months) but it has def been harder than I thought. Adding number three was really a breeze - adding number 4 left me in a state of constant anxiety even thought she is the easiest and most delightful of babies.

apronstrings · 01/08/2006 17:32

can't believe I just told you that

Original poster

surroundedbyboys · 01/08/2006 18:34

oh lordy, i've heard worse apronstrings.

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Original poster

surroundedbyboys · 01/08/2006 19:08

bump

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apronstrings · 01/08/2006 19:19

s. but boys - do you have 3 boys ? are you toying with another?

apronstrings · 01/08/2006 19:19

that should be s.byboys not s but boys

Original poster

surroundedbyboys · 01/08/2006 19:30

have 3 boys - ds3 is only 6 weeks old.

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apronstrings · 01/08/2006 19:31

6 weeks is a tough time - glamours gone ,LO goes extra hungry, and sleep deprivation starts to add up!!

Original poster

surroundedbyboys · 01/08/2006 19:32

ilve been thinking. i think it takes a really strong person and one who is very comfortable with themselves to say the sort of thing kama has said, and i remember thinking it of twinsetandpearls when lurking on another thread recently. to admit their limitations in terms of motherhood.

i feel that i have in the past been unwilling to admit this about myself and almost had more children to prove it can't be true. KWIM?

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apronstrings · 01/08/2006 19:37

i gave up trying to be perfect ages ago! Every time we add a child the house gets more messy - I sometimes worry that the older two would have had a nicer life and an easier time at school if I hadn't had more, that I could invest more time etc. But thats not the reality of this family. I hope the things we all gain from being a large family will in the end out weigh or at least make up for some of the hardships

thekidsmum · 01/08/2006 22:20

ds1 I wanted a baby, He was a horrific non sleeper always awake, needed attention all the time.
dd1 Wanted to prove that ds1 was a fluke .
ds2 I got broody ,lovely baby v easy.
ds3(16m) My sister had twins I watched them being born I got very broody so i had ds3 He is unbelivably good
I would love one more but had a lot of problems with ds3 during pregnancy He has a chromasomal abnormality. Plus I have only got 4 bedrooms

MrsBadcrumble · 01/08/2006 22:23

No, I don't wonder about it.....I have onee because any attempts to have more keep failing
If it were up to me I'd like three or four but to be honest just being able to have one more would be a wonderful thing.

MissyCocker · 01/08/2006 22:33

SBB, I spent the whole of my last pregnancy convinced of the same thing, that 2 was average, and as a mother which is all I feel I am sometimes, I should have more than the average number of children.

DD3 arrived 8 weeks ago, and I know that 3 is meant to be for us. It's fairly bonkers at our house, and we only have 3 bedrooms but I think it will be ok, and I reckon you will too

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