Clashing with 5 yo DD?

[BaconAndAvocado]

I've put a question mark as I'm not sure this is the right word to use.

Lately I feel we are always at loggerheads because she has hit, pinched etc DS2 (he's 7). Or because she just won't do as she's told. Or she's pushing the boundaries more and more. Or she's been rude.

She turned 5 last August so can find school a bit trying.

I always imagined my daughter and I would have a special bond, and friends tell me this will come later. But with my older boys it was never such a constant bloody struggle!

I feel like I give her lots of attention and love so I don't know where I'm going wrong!

Tia

Bump

I guess what I'm looking for advice on is how,to improve our relationship, if that's possible.

I'm no expert but I do have a 5yo DD who also at times displays some of the behaviour you describe (although she can also be extremely well behaved too).

Have you heard of a technique called love bombing? The main thrust of it is one parent taking time to do an activity (preferably a trip out somewhere she'd love to go) with just you and your DD - no siblings, no friends etc. It improves the bond between parent and child and it teaches the child that they are loved just for themselves. I did this with my DD when her younger sister was a few months old (DD was 4). It was wonderfully healing and positive for both of us.

Here is a link to an article about the technique in the Guardian.

Thanks flats that looks interesting.

How would I explain all the extra time DD would be getting to dS2 (age 7) ?

Love bombing sounds like a good plan and you could perhaps try to think of something else to arrange for your ds so he feels his different needs (as a big boy) are being taken care of.

Also, I think you just have to accept that your dd is an individual: it is for you to pull her up on her behaviour and teach her acceptable ways of interacting, but not to expect her to be like you because she happens to be female.

Basically I think for your own sanity you need to ditch this idea of "special bond between me and my daughter".

My mother always clung to that and had totally different expectations of emotional support and closeness on me compared to my brothers. While I dutifully tried to live up to them (and do in fact love her dearly), I always felt it was unfair and it really was quite a strain to have to pretend I always understood her in a special way, when we are actually far more unlike than my brothers and her. (she just refuses to see that, like she refused to see that I never looked good in pink, because she had a fixed idea of how her daughter would be)

Perhaps that has helped me to accept that my own dd is nothing like me. Though I often think she is a wonderful person, her reactions are so different from what mine would be on any given occasion that she might as well belong to an alien species. I can't see any logic in them. We still love each other very much, but we are far more relaxed around each other because we don't have unrealistic expectations.

cory your post rings so many bells with me, though I didn't realise it.

I think I probably am putting too much pressure on the notion of a close mother/daughter bond. And, as you implied, this isn't always a given.

Equally, I probably am more like one of my sons in personality, which is ssomething I've never considered before.

Thank you for a reassuring post.

Re the behaviour, it's a work in progress