19mo devastated at weaning, and I feel terrible!!:(

[mammainlove]

I'm getting married in 3 months. I've been slowly weaning my 19 month old boy from breastmilk for 3 months. I breastfed DD1 until 18months, so I've just always had it in my head to do the same with DS2. I wanted to do it gradually too, I can't bear it when my children cry! Anyway, he's not really taking it very well. I feel like it's dragging,&he just doesn't understand when I say no to feeding still! Or that there just isn't much milk there anymore. I've cut down day feeds to 2,and am just night weaning him currently. He was good at reducing night feeds to 1,but now he just can't get back to sleep for up to3 hours, as I am refusing to feed him at all (apart from getting him to sleep&when he gets up for day)

Today he was just knackered,&didn't have a good nap,&he was screaming, desperate to be breastfed, so I fed him, but there wasn't much milk, and he has been totally devastated! It's been choking me up. He is like this daily, but not as bad as today. I just feel so MEAN, so GUILTY. Wondering if I'm doing the right thing weaning him, although I've resented it plenty of times for all sorts of reasons for months now. But still, those are my issues!

Maybe I should just make a decision, and just stop completely, so he won't get confused,and might have even forgot about breastfeeding soon enough. Has this happened to anyway? I do want my body back now, and even though I still intend to be a stay at home mum for quite a while longer, I want a little less attachment from him (he's so clingy)and dad to put him to bed etc. But then he is still so baby like though, like he NEEDS me all the time. I'm so confused, guilty, tired. Sorry for ranting. Please can anyone understand, advise? X

Bump.

Hugs. Breast feeding is such an emotional thing. I breastfed my dd til she was 2 and a bit - I was lucky that weaning was kind of taken out of my hands as I became pregnant, the milk drastically reduced and she self-weaned in the end.
We did have a tricky few weeks where she was upset about it and desperately trying to get milk out, which was sore for me, and I found a few things that helped. I started going for a long walk with the pushchair at nap time so she'd fall asleep that way, and changed the bedtime routine around to include more stories and cuddles. And I tried to compensate with lots of cuddles and physical play, and did also talk to her about it in ways that she'd understand. Oh and we started giving her warm cows milk or hot chocolate in the evening before getting ready for bed which seemed to reduce her interest in breast feeding then. I was lucky that she slept well at night by then, so I do t have anything useful to say about night weaning.
You might not want to hear this but weaning made absolutely no difference to her clinginess, wanting me to always put her to bed etc. She did accept weaning in the end really well though, and has no issues with my new baby breastfeeding (he's 7 weeks old now). Good luck whatever you decide.

Thank you. I do give him lots of cuddles, but when he's mad he just screams more if I he's touched. But then eventually gives in. Also if I cuddle him it reminds him of breastfeeding so he gets upset and demands it more. Yes my DD understood when I weaned her, and was happy to have warm soya milk. But she was fully talking by 14 months. DS is only just starting to talk! At least he woke up happy this morning, despite screaming the house down in the night.

Bump x

I can't help I'm afraid as weaned at 8m (not that she was happy about it), but I just wanted to suggest that you repost in the breast and bottle feeding section. Some very experienced helpful people over there.

Good luck.

He's clingy because of his age not because he's BF. I would keep feeding and it will tail off. Neither of mine wanted anyone else to put them to bed unless I was out until gone 2.

I'm still feeding dd (26 months) and fed ds until about this age. He was more attached to my boobs and even now at 4(!!) asks for milk (I don't feed him). I know it's anecdote but I found my boy more clingy than dd.

Thanks for advice. I want to stop feeding him now for lots of reasons. Very hard making that decision, but I need to stick to it now.

I gave my ds a new teddy bear, called snuggley bear who gave him special cuddles when I decided to stop, he was 23m.

I bloody loved b feeding! I'm sad for you.

I'm weaning ds who is 18mths old. He is down to one feed a day. My milk supply has gone down and ds does get a bit upset sometimes that there isn't more. I normally offer him milk in a cup straight afterwards and that seems to placate him. He dropped down to one feed pretty easily but I really don't know how we're going to get rid of the last one though. We want to stop bf before new baby arrives.

No experience of BF as I couldn't manage it myself. But there was a great Baby Whisperer on once with a child who was a similar age to your DS. And she recommended flavoured milk shakes. This worked for that family. I think they went cold turkey and he was over it in days.

(Sorry BF mums if this is a pile of crap!)

If that's the case, then you need to try not holding him in the boob feeding position (you may do it subconsciously), change his room around so you don't sit in the usual feeding place, wear high cut tips and introduce a cuddly toy.

I also dropped my DS's last feed (bedtime) by introducing a beaker of milk before a BF as part of the bedtime routine. This meant I could get DH to do it sometimes. We also moved ds to a bed and he would climb into bed after a story and forget to ask for a BF (not always mind but slowly it petered out). This was just before dd arrived so just turned 2. He had the odd feed after that but the gaps between feeds became days and then he forgot to latch.

Thanks for this advice all. Very useful. And not crap at all MBP, he loves banana smoothies so I'll try banana milk. X

Water

Yes

Sorry, no idea why above 2 comments came from!? I was going to say, where would I get flavourings for flavoured milk shakes, without them being full of sugar and other crap? Anyone any suggestions? X

Sorry, no idea why above 2 comments came from!? I was going to say, where would I get flavourings for flavoured milk shakes, without them being full of sugar and other crap? Anyone any suggestions? X

Another way of cutting down feeds, could be to offer very short feeds...a couple of minutes or even as shirt as a slow count of 10. This would not be enough to encourage your milk supply, but might be enough to calm your son...might be worth a try ?

Thank you xx

I've took DS's bottles away I know obviously diff fro BF but he is extremely attached to them and dependent on them to sleep. I tried less milk and only at bedtime and night time but I don't think it's working I think going cold turkey will actually be easier on him I feel like I'm dangling a carrot he just doesn't get it.

Luckily I can chuck the bottles away I feel for you having the temptation to give in and not being able to do anything about it :) Good Luck x

I still feel guilty for weaning ds and he's 9 years old now! (he was 2 when I stopped bfing him). He will eventually get over it, probably before you do. Sorry I can't offer any practical help, but it is quite normal to feel sad by it all.

19 months that's amazing. Welldone you. He'l get over it. I know it hurts maybe speed up the process the screaming will be slightly worse but the end will be insight quicker.

Thank you. He has improved loads over last 2 days. He wakes up around 5am demanding milk and I've been feeding him then, and usually he'll go back to sleep. Still feeding him for his daytime nap, before sleep at night, and occasionally mid morning. He has mostly been taking this well. Fingers crossed!