10 yr old dd fussy eating!!

[Stillcomingtoterms]

This is driving me up the wall as every meal time has become a battle.
Dd10 has to find a reason not to like what's on her plate. So if we have chicken, potatoes and veg she will eat the veg but not the chicken, then tomorrow we may have veg and fish so she will then decide she doesn't like veg even though she ate it the day before.

It seems that every meal time she has to moan about not wanting to eat dinner regardless of what it is.
Ive stopped snacks, I've let her choose the meals etc but nothing works.
Tonight's dinner was carbonara, she decided she doesn't like the sauce and so won't eat it. Even though she's eaten it before.
What can I do? Do I just ignore her? Do I tell her she has to eat what's on her plate? Do I tell her to leave it but don't offer any alternative or do I think she genuinely doesnt like it and cook an alternative?

well you know it's not a genuine dislike because she ate it the day before.
sounds like she's trying to gain some control or she's just playing up!

I would discuss the meal you're planning to make in the morning, take into account any sensible suggestions and then just make it, no discussions. If she doesn't eat it take it away. Do not make an alternative.
Don't get into a fight over it.
If she is hungry before bed make one piece of toast and glass of milk, again minimal fuss. NO biscuits, yoghurts etc... (don't buy them)

I agree with amidaiwish. Serve it up and don't comment on whether she eats it or not. Remove if she doesn't eat it. Don't get into arguments. She won't starve. Tell her that it isn't your problem, you have shopped, prepared and cleared-it is up to her whether she eats it or not. She is gaining an enormous amount of attention from it, take the attention away.
Tell her that you don't run a restaurant.

Agree with ^^^^

At her age you could also get her cooking a meal-she might be keener to eat it.

my dd is similar age and I have worked out that it is partly because she would like to eat only her absolute favourite foods (wouldn't we all?!)
so for example she says she doesn't like grapes or apples, when what she really means is she would prefer raspberries every day.
also we noticed the power of peer pressure. her friend x has McD or KFC at least 4-5 times a week as a main meal. this isn't going to happen for dd but she feels aggrieved so suddenly she doesn't like the boring meal I give her.
I just ignore a lot of the behaviour, or give her limited choice, e.g. She dishes up her own meal but has to have a small amount of everything.
involving her in shopping and food preparation also helps.

Let her cook something simple and safe for her ability.

Then when she has made the meal and presented it, tell her you are not going to eat it. Just sit there, maybe moan a little about this or that ingredient or texture. Ask her how she feels.

Have done this.

I like all of TamerB's advice too.

re the cooking. we had great (unexpected) results with vegetable soup. she liked cooking and eating it!

Exactly the first reply.
Offer no alternative at the time, but a light healthy snack before bed.

even if you're screaming inside stay calm, as if you're not that bothered and take it away.
don't give attention over food. it's just fuel.

keep things as calm as possible

don't comment

differentiate between not eating and rudeness about food (she doesn't have to eat but is not allowed to make comments that might upset the cook)

let her be in control of helping herself but do not allow waste (taking huge portions of popular foods and then leaving them is never going to make you a popular party guest)

don't prepare alternatives or at least nothing that requires extra labour

Thanks all. For the past two nights I've cooked something she normally likes and then when she continued to make a fuss over it and ds and I had finished I told her we had eaten ours and left the table. It seemed without an audience she reluctantly ate it. I've also said nothing more to eat after tea apart from an apple if she was hungry.
I'll go one step further and get her to serve her own food so she puts what she can eat on the plate.
I had tried the helping to cook and shop etc but that hadn't worked before.

Wish me luck!

It has worked- it is the attention more than the food. Stick with it. Ignore. If you can't ignore just tell her it is boring and not your problem as you are eating yours.

put out small portion to minimise waste, explain there is more if she wants it. If she doesn't want it, remove without comment when you have eaten yours. Talk about other stuff over mealtimes.

house, not restaurant. It is only a battle if both sides fight.

good luck.