Should I go back to work?

[homefarmer]

Did anyone have a struggle with whether to go back to work or not at the end of maternity leave?

My baby is 8 months old and I am due to go back just after her first birthday. At the moment I'm feeling really torn! Financially we could survive (just) if I took a couple of years out, and it wouldn't really affect my career progression. I could work part time, but my job is such that I would be doing some weekends and night shifts.

But, if I don't go back will I just be bored? Will she be needing more company by then anyway?

I would love to hear if anyone has any wisdom to share.

The trouble is some people love staying at home
& some go crazy

I'd go back part time just to see if you enjoy The break

If you quit how easy will it be to get another job after 2 years out

It's often not as easy as people think it is

there is no right or wrong answer here and only you will know.

Can you negotiate part time or flexi hours or soemthing with your current company? What will you do for childcare if you go back to work? Are you in a joc/career you love and a break may make it more tricky to get back to the same level etc? All these things are unique to you i'm afraid.

FWIW i didn't want to go back to work with my first, but i did anyway at 9 months, and have worked full time since - and now my children are 7 and 5 and i dont regret that choice. Others will feel different.

Will your husand support you in your decision (I dont mean financially, i mean will he be ok with you being a SAHM if he feels you should go back to work, will he think your child is missing out if you go back to work? How will he help out if you do etc)

Thanks for your insights. If I go back, we're hoping to both work part-time. We might need a childminder one day a week. My husband is supportive of whichever choice I make. The thing is, I don't love my job, whilst I do love my baby! I'm at a stage in my career where the work is very demanding - I'll have to push through it and in a few years it will be more rewarding. But as a result I'm not particularly desperate to rush back!

I'd advise any woman to keep financial independence, whatever their personal situation.

I agree with you JeanSeberg. I just wonder what people's thoughts are on being around as much as possible for the early years.

I think it's important for both the mother and father to be around as much as possible during the whole of childhood. With hindsight (my kids are 18 and 15), it's even more important the older they get.

So if you are able to get a job where you can work part-time, make sure that this isn't seen that your partner has free rein to work unlimited hours and let you do everything in terms of childcare, nursery pick-ups, housework etc.

Then this becomes a way of life rather something he has to adapt to as you increase your hours/go full-time and your child has the benefit of seeing both parents equally.

In your position, I would go part-time and review the situation after a year - whether to stay at the same level or increase your hours.

If you both go part time then you won't be able to change your mind if you regret it

I think you do what you are happy with, I didn't want to put my children into childcare so I didn't go back.
I don't see the concern about maintaining financial independence, I feel that to have children with a man you have to be as sure as you can be he isn't going anywhere, if you feel you need to keep working just in case I would suggest that you are not secure enough in your relationship to have children.

I love working part time it's the best of both worlds. Personally I think full time of either motherhood or working is too intense ! Working all week means you miss bringing up your child and having precious years with them - but I couldn't do it full time as I also live the stimulation and meaning i get from work

I also think toddlers really benefit from some childcare as they have different relationships with adults and time with other children

Go for part time if you can - and even better if your partner can too

What do you do? My ideal would be to have both parents work part time. Can you still progress while working part time?

JanePurdy I'm a doctor: training to be a psychiatrist. I will still progress working part time, but it will be many years until I'm a consultant! That doesn't bother me though. Given that I probably won't retire until I'm 70, I have plenty of time.

What's the minimum number of days you could work?

I wouldn't advice anyone (man or woman) to give up their financial independence. At the very least do part time.

Whether part time or full time is the best for you and your family, you will only know by trying tbh. And expect it to change too. eg you might find part time is what works when your dc is still little but full time is OK once at school (and then maybe part time again when they hit teenagehood).

Tbh, saying 'oh we will be able to make do financially' is an issue for me. In my experience it builds up resentment (we could have x and y if I was working).
Partner is feeling under high pressure to keep his job/have one good enough/but I don't get to lounge around all day...
Children are expensive to keep! Even more so as they get older.

I thought you were a doctor from your OP . My DP is also a doctor currently working 2 days a week (clinical fellow post), my dad is a consultant psychiatrist actually.

Anyway I would absolutely work part time in your situation. Your full time work is long & demanding, but also lends itself to takin on a part time role for a while. If you change your mind you can increase your hours, win win. Is your partner a medic too?

Am I wrong in thinking that if you don't practice for certain length of time, then you have to do some exams again? I am sure that's what a mum at school had to do as a GP. Maybe worth checking that too.

I went back part time for 5 months DS hated it I hated it so I gave up and we are all so much happier

I went back part-time when DS1 was 12 months old, I work 7:30 to 12:30 monday to friday and that gets me some flexi time, so I can take a morning off every 2 weeks (only contracted for 4.5 hours a day, but I do 5 hours due to bus timetables!)

I was really dreading going back (I earn more than DH, so we couldn't stop me working altogether as his sole wage wouldn't cover our outgoings) and didn't want to do it. However, as soon as I got back I loved it! In fact, I loved my job probably more part-time (less intense), I got to head home every lunchtime and pick up my boy and I got to spend every afternoon with him so felt like I wasn't missing out on key milestones.

FWIW I think until the age of 2 babies/young toddlers are happy to be with their parents and taken to social situations etc where they can engage. I think after 2 they get a bit more independent and benefit from having some time away from mummy and daddy.

I'm on mattie leave just now with DS2 (my last baby :-( and again, I don't want to go back as I really want to enjoy these last baby years, but I don't have the option financially (as we now need a bigger house!) but I'm hoping I'll feel better once I'm back.

I went back FT when dd was 9mo and I have been back at work nearly two years now. I do shifts, so still get chunks of even my working days with dd.

It can be exhausting being up.with her at seven then working till 11pm when id much rather be in bed for 9.30! But I enjoy working and like the fact that I could keep a roof over our heads if dh lost his job / left me.

Sounds like both working part time would be ideal for you. Not only do you get the best of both worlds, but your DH does too. (I'm planning to do the same, but both working 4 days rather than 3). This way, neither of you have the pressure of being the sole earner, and both get the enjoyment of days alone with your DC.

Financial independence isn't just about trusting your DH not to run off, it's also about protecting against illness, redundancy, etc. Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with a single source of income.

I tried going back part-time and really didn't like it. I felt it was the worst of both worlds, as I struggled to do my job properly and felt my parenting wasn't great either. For now, I am much happier as a stay at home mum. I feel confident that I will still be marketable in the workplace for the next few years, so I have the option to go back once both my children are at school. Be aware of how tough going back to work can be. You don't just need to find a nursery - you need to work out what your fall-back option is for when your child is too ill to go to nursery - they get all sorts of bugs for the first couple of years. And you need to have enough energy to have fun with your children, cook tea etc the second you get in from work - I found that really tough as all I wanted to do was put my feet up in front of the TV and have a takeaway curry, like I used to do in the old days...but it's quite quite different!

chocolate - I don't think going back to work is tough for everyone - some people will relish it (personally I think work is far easier than looking after sproglets). My friend was desperate to get back to work after her second child was born.

My fall-back option when my son was ill was to stay off and look after him (either using paid or unpaid special leave or flexi time) I'd imagine most people would do the same (I couldnt' imagine going to work and leaving a sick child).

I have a mentally challenging but physically static (e.g. deskbound) job and I found being at work was a bit of a rest (and welcome 'me-time') to be honest. Other thing to remember is that depending on what hours you do, you still have nap time for the first year or so (my son took a 1-2 hour nap most afternoons between 1yr and 2yrs (although there was the odd spell of a month or so where he didn't nap at all) so I got loads of crap tv time which gave me enough energy for playing.

Different courses for different horses and all that.

You could try going back part time. You can always leave if it isn't for you. 1-2 is quite enjoyable at home 2-3 they test you slightly more. 3-4 they are a lot of fun. I'm at home with mine I've never regretted it.