Feeling like a horrible mum

[addysmumma]

I'm a young FTM and SAHM. I didn't work throughout my whole pregnancy and had no problems being home all day and while my daughter (who is now 5 months old) was younger it was fine. But recently I can not stand it. I can't stand being home alone with her. I can't stand her needing to constantly be near me. I have no friends who see me. No license to go places and once my partner gets home from work I make him do everything for her or I'd probably have a melt down. I love my girl more than anything but feeling this isolated and getting so annoyed with everything I need to do is driving me crazy. My partner doesn't even fix how alone I'm feeling when he's home. The only reason he does things for the baby is because I'd turn into a lunatic if he didnt listen to me. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I can't be bothered with anything and I feel like the worst person and mum ever.

Firstly I sympathise. I am also on maternity leave and its so hard.

I have a 6 year old and a 7 month old and I too have had enough!

Firstly I have PND, this does not help. Have you been checked?

I make sure on bad days I get out the house. To a baby group, a coffee shop, a walk, frankly anywhere or anything to get me out of those 4 walls.

I also hand the baby over when dh gets in. He works 7-7 mon-sat and its such hard work.

Can you get out at the weekend and have some you time? I have to do this. Sadly for me even just a trip to the supermarket without the children is like a holiday.

My baby is 4 months old and I started to feel exactly the same. I was going to groups but then couldn't be bothered and everything started to feel like too much if a hassle. I kidded myself thinking that I had too much to do and too little time but the truth was that I was sitting on my arse playing nonstop candy crush as a way of escapism!! And I admit to plonking my son in his bouncy chair for long periods

I knew I had to do something as I was aware I was possibly going down the PND route.

I now find writing a list of everything I want to achieve that day onto a pad of paper in the morning. Silly things like plan menu got the week, put a load if washing on, make dr appointment, prepare veg for dinner etc. I find that with a list it keeps me occupied and I enjoy doing and crossing off the things in my list. It also means that when I sit down I actually spend time interacting with my baby more as I'm not spending the time feeling overwhelmed.

You sound suffocated. Being at home with an infant can be stifling if you get isolated. If there's no family network to give you a break and you are entrenched in roles it can get so that your life and DP's run on parallel but never touching train tracks.

Is there a childminder or nursery near you? How about going back to employment? Don't let DP begrudge you childcare if you want to return to the world of salaried work. It is a joint venture, parenthood, it's not up to you to finance DD's childcare by yourself

If you prefer not to work get outdoors at least once a day. There are good crèches attached to gyms, cinemas coffer Baby & Carer film showings, your DD will appreciate other babies' company if you can track down swimming groups or playgroups.

Time to talk frankly with DP about how you are both parenting DD and how best to sort this out. Stewing at home feeling resentful is the death knell to a relationship.

speak to your Health Visitor about post-natal depression; it's very common. They should know all Sure start centres, Parent & baby groups etc. Baby rearing is isolating and can be soul-destroying. Gym with creche might help?