AIBU to be getting annoyed with other mothers who keep asking me to pick up their children from school?

[spambolina]

I' m going on my gut feeling about a situation I seem to have got myself into, my gut feeling is to start saying no, however, why does it make me feel guilty??
One of mothers of my DD friend from school, keeps on asking me to pick up her daughter, and its beginning to become a little too often, like she's beginning to rely on me for some childcare. This all started last year practically straight after the girls had their first playdate with each other. i do feel like I really dont know the mother that well. She does have a husband, and she also has a child with a degree of special needs. I have been happy to help out now and again, but it seems to be happening more and more regularly, and I often wonder what and how did they work out this situation before i came on the scene? I am beginning to feel pressurised to keep saying yes, but really cant help feeling that they should sort something out for themselves if its becoming a logistical problem.
Oh the guilt, the guilt.

Just work out how often you are prepared to do it, and when, (if at all) and stick to it without wavering.

Don't feel guilty.

Thanks merylstrop, guess the guilt is I know it helps her out cos of the other childs needs. I know she also asks another Mum a lot too, and get the feeling that all in all she probably gets quite a bit of help from other people, perhaps theres a subtle way of suggesting she gets permanent help?

YANBU

I think you have to leave that to her, really. I wouldn't risk getting drawn into conversation about it as she may see that as an invitation.

Just do it only when you and your DD are happy with it.

YANBU. I had a similar situations when my friend went back to work after maternity leave. As her DH is self employed I figured he could do the childcare when she was at work but I offered to look after their daughter if they were ever in a fix. Well, within 3 weeks of my friend returning to work, I was looking after their daughter (as well as my own two children and working self employed from home) for 4 hours a day, 5 days a week.
I ended up telling my friend that I was unable to carry on helping out as much as I just had too much work on.She was a bit snippy for a while and I do have to make sure I don't give her an inch or she will take a mile, but it sorted the situation.
Like you, I felt really guilty. The down side of being an affable people pleaser I'm afraid.
But I'll tell you what, I didn't half feel better getting my own life back again, however awkward that conversation was.

oh, you've slipped into the doormat role there; very easy to do if you're a nice, easy going person, but just get yourself a stock of standard (non-verifiable) excuses and you'll be fine. No guilt - if you wanted to be unpaid childcare you'd have advertised on Craigslist. Some people take the piss, you are under no obligation to enable them to do so. Or just ask to be paid?

If you don't want to go down the confrontation route then just be busy. Say you can't collect her dd because you're going somewhere else with your dc straight after pick up. She will hopefully get the hint after a few attempts.

Is she asking you via text? it's always easier to say no then!

YANBU

If (and ONLY if) you want to help, you could offer to do a pick up or a play date on a regular but infrequent basis - every Monday or every other Wednesday BUT if or only look for some reciprocity eg an evening babysitting.

With thick skinned people, I find answering questions with questions helps. Say you are busy, if asked for specifics ask what SHE is doing, then what her husband is doing, then what her own mother/friends/relations are doing.

Yes yes yes I feel empowered to now start saying NO! And quite right I shouldn't have to feel I have to explain! I have my own two children to get organised, one a toddler who is a challenging and strong willed individual. I feel like she's taking advantage of my good nature, it's not my responsibility that she has to work and can not figure out who can look after her children. Both parents work part time and kinda feel they should have their logistics well sorted out by now, however completicated and difficult, just like the rest of us!
Thanks for all your comments and watch this space for an update.