what is the best response to 'I hate you'?

[littlebluedog12]

5yo DD has all of a sudden started saying 'I hate you mummy' if she is having a tantrum or doesn't get her own way. I totally get that she's lashing out, she doesn't mean it etc but what do you say? Part if me wants to ignore it so that when she sees it doesn't get a reaction she will hopefully stop. But part of me wants her to realise what a horrible thing it is to say and that she shouldn't use hurtful words.

I always say well I still love you

I had this from my 3 year old a few days ago. I was 40 wks pregnant and it stung. I said 'that's a shame to hear because I love you very much.' Followed by a calm but firm 'please don't say that to people because it makes them feel very sad'.

Ive said "no you don't, you just feel like you do right now. So go to your room and come back when you feel more loving".

^^

Ooh I like this and will steal it!

'Worst mummy in the world' always makes me laugh because I'm so often the best mummy in the world as well. Clearly my quality can deteriorate very fast.

A cheery "no, you don't" is the best response. I think you need to contradict them - agree with them and you're supporting their worst fear, really.

My response has always been Oh Ok just so that you know I love you very much

I got told "You have ruined my life" when my eldest was about 4 years old. Really? At 4? My work is done...

Hiddlesnake. Are you me? You took the words right out of my mouth!

You are all such nice mums, saying you love them

I always say " thank you for sharing " . This Also works for

" you are the meanest mother is the world"

" no one else in my school has to empty the dishwasher / vacuum their room "

" everyone else in my class is allowed to .........."

I play Whitney's 'anddddddddd iiiiiiiiiiiiii will always love you' really loudly on loop.

She shits herself. And stops crying.

When DS was younger, he had brought home a "Why I love My Mummy" list that I keep on the fridge. One particular night, he was in full breakdown, crying at the fridge saying, "I was lyyyying!!! You don't always make me happpppy!!!" I couldn't stop sniggering.

I find it harder the very few times the older kids have shouted it at me. The other night DC1 (mid teens) shouted, "All you do is go on and on about homework! That's all you care about and you're driving me bloody crazy!", which is especially strange as we had just spent 45 minutes talking about snowboarding!

I always say "no you don't hate me, you love me. You just don't like what I'm saying and I hate the word hate"

I used to sing "it's the end of the world as we know it" at mine when they were having a strop.

At some point, as they grew up, my answer changed from something along the lines of "you're saying that because you are cross" to
"don't be rude".

DD1 is 12 and now wouldn't dream of saying it (or having a temper 99.99% of the time - result).
DD2 is 9 and still learning and will still say it, then stomp up to her room.

'Fine, being liked isn't part of a mummies job discription. Now Get Dressed'

This was dd at 2:

dd: I don't love you and I don't want you for a mummy any more

me: well, that doesn't matter because I love you and I will always be your mummy

dd: not when I'm grown up, you won't be my mummy when I'm grown up

me: oh yes I will. You may go and live in your own grown up house when you're grown up, but I'll still be your mummy and I'll still love you

dd (with superb calm): no, you'll be dead then

Dd is now approaching her 18th birtday and gives no sign of anxiously awaiting my demise. I think I might just hang on a bit longer...

Laughed at ruined life at 4.
dd was 6 when she first told me I was spoiling her life. My mother was so proud said I was clearly a better mother than she was as I was at least 12 before she managed to spoil mine

You just don't like me very much now. But I love you. I just don't like it when you do or say x, y or z.

Sorry, not had time to read all the replies so someone might have already said this, but I explain to my kids that

(1) Hate is word we NEVER use in our house
(2) We all love each other all of the time but....
(3) Its ok to 'not like' someone for some of the time

They seem to understand this

"Get over it."

"get over it" Ha Ha , love it.

I used to say, I'm not your biggest fan right now either, don't worry about it.

If they are older you can rhyme off all the things you won't have to do for them, as they hate you so much.