Playdate envy! Worried that DD doesn't seem to feature in plans

[workatemylife]

I'm trying not to stew about this, because it may well be nothing. DD seems happy enough at school, but I've noticed that a lot of the other children, especially the girls, have a (terrifyingly) busy schedule of 'playdates', but DD doesn't. She's got one friend that we do see out of school occasionally, and that seems to work well - DD and the other child have fun together, and I've become quite good friends with the other mum.

But apart from that, I can't remember the last time DD went to another child's house, and the most recent couple of times I've asked anyone here, the answer from the parents has been no: 'my child says that they don't really play with your DD', or 'my child doesn't really do playdates' (although I've seen them heading home with other children often enough), 'maybe another time'....

I suppose I should appreciate such honesty. I like my time with DD after school, whether we're doing something planned or just mucking about together, but DD clearly notices that lots of other children in the year are going home with each other. I don't think I've sent anyone home after a visit totally miserable, and as far as I know nobody has gone down with food poisoning (I hope ).

So now I worry that the lack of after school 'social life' reflects what is going on in school as well, but I have no evidence that there is a problem. WWYD? Keep up with the occasional invitations (trying not to look desperate)? Concede that for some reason coming home with DD is not an attractive offer for some other children and give up? Be relieved that I don't have to deal with another 6-7 year old at the end of the day? Make an appointment to see the class teacher to discuss DDs social interactions at school? Stop worrying and eat cake and enjoy the time I have with DD before she refuses to talk to me?

Hi. I kind of get where you're coming from. DS is nearly 6 and he gets on well with just about everyone in his class, but unlike most of his friends, he doesn't have any close friends. I think that a some children are just happy being friendly with everyone but don't really need close friendships. Apparently, my DH was the same when he was a child and tells me that he doesn't remember being sad or feeling lonely at all. It was just how he was and he was happy with things the way they were.
Has your DD mentioned being unhappy about the way things are or wishing they were different?
How is she when you take her to the park or soft play or whatever? In those sort of situations, we've noticed that our DS seems quite happy making friends with other, unknown, kids and this has helped me to stop worrying some.
I always wait to invite one of DS's friends over until he askes if they can. This way, I know it's something that probably both children want. TBH, he hasn't asked to have a friend over for a good couple of months now.
I think you should have a word with your DD's teacher just to check that things are going ok in school, but if all is fine there, I really don't think you need worry. All kids are different and as long as she's happy, I'd be tempted to encourage you to just enjoy these times when you get her all to yourself xx

Thanks for the reply which makes me feel a whole lot better. I think DD is a bit of a butterfly - she talks about playing with different children in the playground every day, so perhaps she doesn't really need a small circle of close friends. Of course if the others in the class are forming these closeknit groups, then the result will be, probably, DD doesn't really feature in them. She does ask about having friends back to the house (hence the invitations), but it isn't usually the same person time and time again.

Interesting what you say about parks etc. DD will play with pretty much anyone she meets in a park, and I've noticed that after her swimming class she is chattering away to other children in the changing rooms. So probably she's not particularly anxious. But I'll maybe ask the teacher if there is anything unusual at school. If DD chooses to stay on the edge of the groups, then fine, but if she is being actively or passively excluded then that may not be so good.

It does sound like she's similar to our DS (and DH ). I chose to see it as a good thing as both DH and DS get on with everyone and are well liked where ever we go. It's a good natural trait to have.
Good to talk to the teacher though. If it puts your mind at rest and helps you help your DD then it's all good xx