Do you worry about DCs being abused?

[MamaPingu]

I'm not the type to worry and think the worst of people but I'm constantly worrying about people hurting 4.5 month old DS. Is this normal or irrational?

He will be starting nursery at 1 as I'm going to university and I'm already worrying incase the staff are rough with him or talk to him nastily!

I do leave him with my family members eg mum, dad, my nan. But it does come into my head like "what if they've dropped him" or "what if they put him on the settee and he falls off" even though I trust them not to! And know they are sensible with him

I worry about people hitting him or even sexually abusing him. Although I think that's a lot to do with sex offenders in the news, and a woman we know turned out to have sexually abused her friends young son so it's always nagging at the back of my mind that.

Do you worry about this sort of thing a lot? I feel like I'm being irrational but at the same time with someone's close friend abusing her son it makes me think I can't trust anyone!

I do, thought it was just me (I have been abused myself as a child, so super hypersensitive to it) my DD doesn't stay over anywhere if there any male is in the house. So silly but I was abused by my grandad and 2 of my mums partners, I know even the "nicest, straightest" men can be dirty scumbag paedos. Even my DH and DF, I am certain, 100% sure they would never ever touch our children, but I am always aware of times they are alone bathtime/bedtime I turn TV or radio off, go about my business but I'm always aware of what's happening, and go and take a peek if it's taking longer than usually. I really do trust them but I know how vulnerable children are and I will protect them to the hilt.

Saying that my daughter goes to nursery and so will my son in summer but I need to work. I have had conservations with DD explaining that no one should touch her flower or bum unless at toilet time and only to wipe. She knows, I'll make sure of that.

Sad shit world we live in sometimes

ElBombero- I am ever so sorry you were abused that is awful. Especially that it was several people, and your grandad too that one really upset me to read.
May I ask how old you were?

I think that is very good you have told your daughter that nobody should be touching her. I will definitely be doing the same for my son.

I think it's the fact he won't be able to talk and tell me if anyone hit him or shouted at him etc that worries me.

I completely understand why you won't allow men alone with DD as isn't it 99% of sex offenders are male? Not just child sex offences but still it doesn't work in the favour of men!

'Flower'? If you are worried, I wonder if it's worth thinking about using less ambiguous words for body parts.

I think these worries are normal and just have to be rationalised while you take every precaution to protect them. Have you visited the nursery? I had a very good feeling when I visited dd nursery and did her settling in sessions. It felt like such a caring and safe place and she is really happy there. I'm sure you have really good instincts so trust them.

I haven't visited the nursery yet no but I'm glad you've mentioned that. I may feel completely different once I have met the staff and looked around.
I went to the same nursery he will be going to once he's 3 but I haven't been to the one yet where he will most likely go to when he is younger

It's not abnormal to feel hyper anxious about your new baby with regard their safety. With ds1 I used to have awful images in my mind of what would happen if I dropped him down the stairs, or smacked his head on the door frame, or if a lorry veered onto the pavement and hit his buggy. I even talked to my HV about it as I felt I was going a bit mad and was finding the worry quite debilitating. She reassured me that it isn't completely abnormal and I wasn't crazy! It's the same as worrying about abuse - all of a sudden this small helpless person has arrived in your life who you love fiercely and would protect to the ends of the earth. How could you not worry? It's important to try to keep the worry under control though and nursery is a good approach rather than using a childminder, as there will always be a number of staff and other children about, rather than your child being alone with someone else on a one to one basis. It's different when your child is old enough to talk, as to some extent you can trust that they will tell you if they don't like the childminder (you hope), but at this age a nursery will give you more peace of mind.

tbh looking back on my 17 years as a mother it seems pretty clear that the only real danger to their safety was actually me

not that I would ever abuse them or deliberately hurt them but every serious or potentially serious accident they've ever had has happened on my watch

and now they are older the only other person who is likely to get them into more trouble than me is actually themselves

the time I have wasted worrying about other people has been pretty well wasted

but it does get easier when you get older because you have to accept that you can't stand between them and danger (even serious danger) forever

and sometimes I get the reassuring feeling that they are probably in safer hands (their own) than they've ever been before

I have never ever worried about my ds's being abused.
EVER.
I was happy with the care had at nursery and then pre-school.

No I never have worried about them being abused physically or sexually.

They were both in cc from a young age and it never crossed my mind. Maybe with a child minder instead of nursery there's more scoop to get away with hurting dc but nurserys are in the main very safe with lots of adults around.

I do. I was sexually abused (by my parents, and involving their friends, until going into care) and I think I am very hypersensitive. I have also worried about turning into my parents. It's just that they seemed so normal and nice from the outside, that it was only after a series of disclosures, only a few of which I was aware I was making as such, that people helped/believed that they could do it. To anyone else, it was a normal family with normal children, normal friends and normal lives, and everything was fine. I worry that the person I pass in the street, the neighbour, the football coach, the people who look normal, act normal, seem normal, aren't actually normal at all, and will abuse the DC.

I know that it is unlikely they will be at risk. CBT has allowed me to let the DC be more independent growing up (and paroxetine, indirectly). My worries were very extreme,they are now 'normal worry' level.

With a young baby, they are so small and defenceless, and suddenly you become aware of everything which could hurt them, even when it is unlikely and possibly irrational. So it isn't abnormal to feel like you do.

Hi mama, sorry about delay been out all day. I was 6 when it started with grandad then mums boyfriends till 12 :(

I honestly feel quite ashamed about saying that about my DH and DF I know they would do anything, they too are very cautious because of what happened to me but don't think it ever leaves you.

And yes I call it a flower! WTF as that got to do with it

No worries.
That is ever so sad
I am the same even without being abused so I can't imagine how protective you feel. I even worry about DP and DF. It's men I worry about like you do.
I've always been extremely aware of sexual abuse from a young age though but I don't know where that came from. I can remember going somewhere alone with my uncle and worrying about it which feels daft now but I did worry about it when I was about 8 years old

I don't worry about abuse buy can see why many of the posters would and feel for you.
I worry hugely that he (3.5yo) might not make friends in school, that he will be standing there all confused and not getting the complex social rules of the playground. That his best friends are both a year older than him and that when he eventually goes to school they will reject him and the pain that this will cause is making me cry now!

I think you are just so protective and can't bear the thought of anyone harming your LO. I'm the same, thought it was just me! I won't send my DS to preschool until he's potty trained as I just thought it minimised the risk, completely irrational I know! We all tend to read horror stories in the press and just want to keep them safe. You'll know who you can trust in time

I worry a bit. But maybe I'm a little sensitive because I have to have child protection training.