I'm not a good Mum.

[YippeeKiYayMakkaPakka]

I'm too stern with DD2, too quick to get annoyed when she's being difficult. I try to be positive but I just want her to behave, especially when we're out, I suppose I see her behaviour as a reflection on me and I'd hate to be one of those ineffective parents who lets their child misbehave. But I feel like I'm too negative, too critical (she's only 3yo). I don't cope well with stress and when I've got both of them (DD2 is 1yo) I get flustered and I'm more likely to snap at her.

And I don't spend enough time playing with her, with either of them. I get bored quickly and find myself gravitating to MN or FB. And I promise myself at the end of each day that I'll keep off the computer until they're asleep, but it never works out that way. I want to read with them and play with them more and enjoy them, they're growing up so fast. And DD2 has said three times this week that she doesn't love me, she loves Daddy more, she prefers doing things with Daddy. But he gets to be the fun parent, he only sees them for 3 hours a day during the week and I'm the one who has to feed them, clothe them, look after them, tidy up after them. And get up to settle the baby half a dozen times a night. And I'm tired and snappy and all he has to do is play with them, but he's more fun anyway, I'll never be the 'fun' parent. I'm the strict parent, the boring parent.

I want to be better, I know I'll never be perfect but my 'best' just isn't good enough at the moment and it makes me sad. What can I do?

Oh and a big one - don't get drawn into a spiral of punishing/telling off for bad behaviour, child kicks back, you punish/shout more, child kicks back more, etc. Once you've dealt with the original offence, leave it (with perhaps separation if they're being physically violent). You can talk about how they reacted later.

Wow, lots of replies. Thanks all, and I'm definitely nodding along to a lot of the points made. I like the idea of mummytime icrave; harder now while DD2 is too young to amuse herself, but maybe at the weekends, and definitely when they're older.

Yesterday we all played with Lego for a bit, I ate tea (and breakfast this morning) at the table with them instead of at the computer (food keeps them occupied, but I should be engaging with them, really). And this is the first time I've been on MN today; DD1 is at nursery and DD2 is asleep I've also decided to stop eating chocolate, but that's another thread entirely Maybe it will help my mood though...

A lovely piece of parenting advice I read once on here was (paraphrasing) "just try to make their world a good place". I need to try and remember that. I want DD1 (and DD2, when she's older) to want to spend time with me, not to remember me as strict Mummy who never had fun with her.

Like many others, me too! My DDs have spent time at nursery, pre-school, and school, and I had a panic between Christmas and New Year when DH went back to work that I actually don't know how to be a parent for a day! Our usual routine is a bit of a rush that days that I'm working away from home, and I sometimes realise that all I have done is tell the DCs off, or tell them that 'mummy needs to do x,y,z' or 'in a minute....'.

I forget who it was further up the list who said that doing one nice thing together a day really helps. It did for us. I need to cook dinner or we go hungry, but getting the DCs to help makes them feel proud to be doing something (telling daddy 'I made that' when he gets in), or gives them a chance to have fun with me. We 'made pudding' last week - it was biscuits (shop bought digestives) that the DCs decorated with icing and sprinkles, but they did it in the kitchen, with me making the main course, and loved it. DD thinks the best treat in the world after school is if I've run out of some basic foods and we need to pop to the local supermarket. It has a cafe, so a pint of milk and some bread can cost a bit more ££ and take 40 minutes, but as far as DD is concerned, a frothy milk with mummy is 'quality time'. LO spilled something sticky on the kitchen floor the other day and I almost said 'go and watch some TV while I clean up' but instead filled a bucket with soapy water and we all sloshes it around together. It was a total health and safety hazard (I fell on my backside slipping on the water. TWICE), but DCs had a ball.

Sorry, bit of a ramble. It all looks focused around basic day to day activity, but the DCs don't seem to need bells and whistles a lot of the time, just something to do, and do with mummy. Yes, I sneak off sometimes to make a cup of tea, send a text, MN . But I snap less at DCs because I'm not trying to 'get on with stuff' without their interruptions when we're all in it together. I do sometimes get snarky with the eldest when it is the toddler who is the 'real' problem, but sometimes it is just hard to get excited about glitter when your youngest has just stuck their hands in their nappy and got covered in poo. None of us are perfect. A new year resolution, for me, is to stop saying 'in a minute.....' though!!!