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Original poster

What is sex? Asked by 6yr old dd

51 replies

trikid · 26/01/2014 20:24

That really. Asked by dd while we were having dinner this evening. Dh nearly choked on his baked beans. We tried to go into turning the question onto gender boy/ girl masculine and feminine words. But she wasn't really happy with that explanation.

OP posts:

SlightlyTerrified · 27/01/2014 22:01

I have 7 & 5 YO boys and they have not really asked. I am not sure if I should tell them or just wait till they ask.

I know the 7 YO and his friends have talked about sex but they actually have no idea what they are saying, its just words they have heard from older siblings I expect but he has never actually asked anything.

littlebluedog12 · 27/01/2014 22:05

I got my DD a book called 'How did I begin?' - it's great, and focuses a lot on how the baby grows etc which my DDs were fascinated by.

jamtoast12 · 28/01/2014 18:09

Dd is 8 and has never said anything like this, I'm shocked its fairly common! Ours certainly haven't learnt anything about sperm or eggs or anything and she's in year 3! I don't think its worth explaining things in detail until they are old enough to fully understand and I'm not sure 6-8 year olds would. I prefer to just say I'll explain when you're older. I remember at age 9 having had the period talk in school, and thought once you started you bleed forever!

I've never head any child in my kids school say the word sex - though it's very catholic!

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Starballbunny · 28/01/2014 18:19

Just tell her.
I don't get why it's a big deal. I'm told I knew the facts of life from toddlerdom, why was my favourite word.

Can't remover telling DD1, when ever she asked something and DD2 when she was 7, before DD1 and her year older partner in crime confused her totally,

PROMAR · 28/01/2014 20:13

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LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 28/01/2014 20:21

jamtoast so, if someone had explained earlier about periods then you wouldn't have thought that. If they are old enough to ask the question then they are old enough to receive an age appropriate answer.

Showy · 28/01/2014 20:26

Gosh, dd asked about all this when I was pregnant with her brother. She was 3. She stood up on her first day of school (aged 4 and a little bit) and told everybody about what a caesarean was and the function of the placenta. It's biology. No different to telling them about how kidneys work or what the spleen does. Age appropriate and straightforward answers and it's really no big deal.

DD is 6yo and could tell you about menstrual cycles and ovulation and corpus luteums and cells and amniotic fluid. She could also tell you about the digestive processes and she'd do it all in the same way. Matter of fact. She'd probably segue into the Great Fire Of London or When Romans Invaded Britain and it would be quite clear that it's all just information to them at that age.

ProfessorDent · 28/01/2014 20:27

Can't say I'm an authority on telling kids about sex, but I'd have thought the whole 'Mum lays an egg' thing would freak kids out; my Dad tried that when I found Mum's tampons back in the day and the idea that some mystery had been kept from me, and that Mum sat on a dustbin once a month and produced an egg like a hen did not sit well with me at all; thankfully my Mum assured me that Dad was talking bollocks and it all went back to normal.

Problem is that when kids start to get interested is when it starts to get awkward, often enough.

jamtoast12 · 28/01/2014 21:02

No I think the reason I thought that was because we were taught a lot of info at a young age. Obviously only so much was taken in.

Whenever I've discussed such things I find it leads to further questions which no matter how hard I try to explain would only lead to confusion or info they just don't need to know yet. Personal choice of course. I'm sure in year 3 my kids must have learnt something about the body but all I've seen is stuff about taking care of yourself, general health etc - nothing about conception etc. when i was a kid, none of that happened til after the 'period talk' age as the topic followed on from that.

I have to admit I'd be gutted if dd was hearing sex talk at school at age 8!

jamtoast12 · 28/01/2014 21:03

By sex talk I mean via kids on playground, not teacher led discussions of course.

hippo123 · 28/01/2014 21:20

jamtoast I suspect your dd knows more than you think and has been taught quite a lot at school. The thing is nowdays quite a few 9 year olds are starting their periods, these things seem to be happening earlier and earlier. Imagine getting your first period and having no idea what it was

Wallison · 28/01/2014 21:23

I don't get this idea that children are too young to find out how their bodies work. Why is discussing sex any different to discussing how to use the toilet correctly? There is nothing wrong or dirty about their genitalia, and if they are asking questions then they deserve answers that are yes appropriate to their age but are answers all the same. Otherwise, if you keep fobbing them off, sex and reproduction become taboo which is unhelpful in the extreme.

hollyhunter · 28/01/2014 21:49

my dd asked how do babies come out of your tummy... i looked at her and said... do you want to know for real or shall i tell you the doctor helps....

she said .... for real mummy

I said.. you have a special hole in your vagina where the baby comes out of, its by your bum, but you know that you have seen lambs being born

Meglet · 28/01/2014 22:02

jamtoast why is it so hard to speak to your dc's about sex? It's not going to make them go out and do it, I knew about sex from infant school age but didn't have sex until I was 22.

My DC's don't understand the complete working of the solar system, but I've still explained as much as I can. I don't put off telling them something just because it might get complicated. And I've spoken to them about reproduction before they've asked me, because frankly they might not have bothered to ask for years and that way rumours and misinformation takes over.

BrandNewIggi · 28/01/2014 22:32

Jamtoast, am half joking, but don't wait too long or you might be a gran before you want to be.. I don't think I entirely understand conception, tbh, in a scientific way, and I have two children. My mum wouldn't tell me about periods "till I was older" and I absolutely hated that. Never did come to her for info like that in the future.

BerylStreep · 28/01/2014 22:34

It's when Mummy and Daddy have a special hug and make babies.

Wallison · 28/01/2014 22:44

'Special hug' is not an answer.

BerylStreep · 28/01/2014 22:48

why not?

longtallsally2 · 28/01/2014 22:55

@ BrandNewIggi

When faced with questions I always start by asking a question or two too, to gauge where they are at. eg I will answer you in a moment, but what have you heard/what do you think it is?

(Wish I had done that when my godson asked about his sister's willy. Queue slightly confused explanation from me, only to find out that he meant welly!!)

Meglet · 28/01/2014 23:39

I didn't use 'special hug' either. Children don't keel over in shock if they're told a man puts his penis into a ladies vagina. I've managed to explain other bodily functions without sugar coating it so I can't see why the basics of sex are so hard to explain.

jamtoast12 · 29/01/2014 07:09

I don't think it is hard to talk about, I just don't think its necessary. I think some kids would be worried or anxious about the ins and outs of sex when they hear it too young. I'm 36 and we never did anything about it in primary school I'm sure. I just don't see the need to talk to a 6-8 year old about sex.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 29/01/2014 07:51

Special cuddle is vague and misinformative. Just answer the questions in small chunks when they ask them. It's not about "THE TALK" It's just an exchange of information over the years.

PicardyThird · 29/01/2014 08:09

Talk of 'special cuddles' and 'daddy putting a seed into mummy' (which makes the woman sound an incredibly passive participant, IMO, and reminds me of the days when people didn't realise that a sperm was not a homunculus) is IMO unhelpful. My two got factual information when they asked for it. They must have been about three when they saw my sanpro and got an explanation about periods. Then when they were around 5 and 7 and I had a couple of miscarriages we had the 'how babies are made' conversation. Then they got sperm meets egg. When it occurred to them to ask how the sperm got there, they got the facts. Whgen my eldest wondered why a baby wasn't made every time a man and a woman have sex, I explained both about the basic functioning of fertility and that there are ways of preventing it happening and that adults in marriages/relationships also have sex because it is nice (but also that it is something only grown-ups do and not children). No damage appears to have been done.

'Mummy Laid an Egg', btw, starts with a set of parents embarrassedly inventing all sorts of ridiculous explanations for the facts of life, including the title; they are put right by the children. I found that approach extremely refreshing (although I do disapprove of the book's use of 'seed' - and it drives me mad that it, and it seems most people, insist on talking of 'tummies' rather than wombs).

GoodnessIsThatTheTime · 29/01/2014 10:52

I use tummy. I use tummy as an adult. Shoot me.

granny24 · 29/01/2014 11:17

DS asked about babies etc when I was putting him to bed when he was five. As part of my work was sex ed for teenage lads I told him. He looked me straight in the eye and said " mummy you do tell funny stories" and settled down to sleep. Never asked anything about it again as he obviously considered me an unreliable source!

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