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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

4 year old rude, answering back, refusing to do what she's told.

22 replies

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 26/01/2014 16:59

What do you all actually DO when this happens. Mine can't be the only one - she's particularly bad this weekend though so it feels like she is!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

summerlovingliz · 26/01/2014 17:14

Naughty step. Taking toys away each time.. Is hard work I'm sure, even harder in this awful weather. I think they go thro' phases, I'm sure will improve again soon

princesspants · 26/01/2014 19:40

Keep telling her when she is being rude what she should have said instead. If she keeps ignoring you then a punishment you feel comfortable with but be consistent.

My DD went through a rude phase but we are coming out of it now. She is also 4.

Original poster

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 26/01/2014 19:49

She responds very well to positive descriptive praise, but I think we couldn't face doing much of that today as she was being so rude and defiant.

Silly noises and silly voices too. Is that a 4 year old thing? Oh well, back to work tomorrow for a nice rest (I'm a teacher... it's much easier than my own DCs!).

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BikeRunSki · 26/01/2014 19:53

My 5 yo ds is the same. I don't know what to fo anymore.

georgedawes · 26/01/2014 19:54

My 3.5 year old is the same, it's very wearing!

Mumof3xx · 26/01/2014 19:55

Time out and removing privileges

livenlet · 26/01/2014 20:00

Its definatly an age thing mines five in a couple of weeks were past it now I think 4 has been the hardest age (but am dreading teanage years) time out worked best for me (and ignoring the silly face/noises) I had to laught about you going back to work for a rest I always wonder how teachers manage with 30 of them

Original poster

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 26/01/2014 20:02

They're not bad when they're not your own!

We'll work out a consistent time out thing. Haven't needed it for ages.

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Mumof3xx · 26/01/2014 20:06

Agree on four being hardest age so far

Ds1 is nearly 6 and was awful at 4, much better now

Ds 2 is currently 4 and is a nightmare at times

Original poster

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 26/01/2014 20:34

I forgot to add...the awful wailing and cried of 'nobody loves me' etc. Aaaaaaaaaaagh!

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TheGreatHunt · 26/01/2014 20:43

I try and minimise time out. It feels so negative and draining.

If ds is rude, I remind him what to say. I also won't do something if he asks rudely. If he says something rude to me eg poo poo head I ask him how he'd feel if I called them that.

He's 4. He gets quite bored if stuck in so try and keep him busy.

livenlet · 26/01/2014 20:50

"I hate you" was a favirote . Did she even understand what she was saying and thinking about it she does responed much better to her teacher than me,

Original poster

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 26/01/2014 20:53

'I wish I had a NICE mummy' was this evening's piece de resistance. Lovely!

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perfectstorm · 26/01/2014 21:08

Is she in Reception? DS is, and we've had this sudden monster appear, too (my being pregnant hasn't helped). I've clamped down on the discipline in terms of rigid boundaries - bed times, manners, fewer sweet treats - and upped the attention and praise (more outings as a family or one on one with his dad or me; lots of stories; lots of cuddles) and it has made a noticeable difference and he's chilled out a lot and been very sweet again much of the time. Thank God, because homicide isn't a responsible parenting choice.

I also found Playful Parenting helpful. When they're being a nightmare it's so easy to be annoyed or dictatorial, when if you can tease them out of it via distraction, laughter and affection it makes it all go a bit less scratchily.

perfectstorm · 26/01/2014 21:12

"I want a new mummy!" "I want a new mummy AND a new daddy!"

"You made me sad, and I'm going to be sad for TEN YEARS!"

It's joyous, isn't it.

Original poster

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 26/01/2014 21:18

Oh yes, perfect, that's exactly DD!

I do like Playful Parenting, and similar, but find myself pretty crap at it when it comes to days like these. It is my normal parenting style really. These are the days I doubt myself and wish I'd gone for a giant dose of naughty step in the first place!

She started reception three weeks ago and is loving it. Baby brother is now not such a baby at 18 months, and learning to hold his own. Lots of changes. I understand her, I still don't like it much!

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Original poster

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 26/01/2014 21:20

'Well don't you be rude to me either!' and 'how can you expect me not to be rude when you're rude to me?'. She's 4! Where will it end...!?

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NoSquirrels · 26/01/2014 21:29

Ha! I have one of these too. Lovely over Christmas, horrible once term started again. I have been trying to remind myself that this happened in September too, and we got through it, and it is really just testing boundaries and pushing at the people who care most as a security thing. Their friendships and relationships are so emotionally intense for them at this age, I think.

Apparently I am a terrible mother who doesn't care as well. . .

Practically-speaking, we are seeing success with the penny jar: lots of opportunity to add to it for positive behaviour, so catching the good stuff and them seeing a tangible benefit straight away, and a big disincentive to losing a penny. We sat down and drew up the "rules" together e.g. we started with 10 pennies, if it drops below 5 no TV time at all that day, if it is at 11 on a Friday evening then you get to watch a film in the morning on Saturday (this was otherwise just a thing that happened anyway), 21 or more on a Friday evening and we can agree a "treat" e.g. an outing or activity for the weekend.

jaggythistle · 26/01/2014 21:47

DS1 gave me. "I'm not going to have a mummy any more." :(

He's definitely worse when tired/hungry/bored, I'm just not always the best at remembering that! His toddler brother is a crap at sleeping so my mind is not especially sharp.

I forgot that a lazy Saturday in the house might suit me but he'll be climbing the walls.

perfectstorm · 26/01/2014 22:44

These are the days I doubt myself and wish I'd gone for a giant dose of naughty step in the first place!

Yeah, that sounds like me! I do all the reason, How To Talk, blah blah blah. And logically, I know it does work - most of the time. It's just hard to think you're ploughing the right farrow, when he morphs into Damien occasionally.

EirikurNoromaour · 26/01/2014 22:48

DS went through this stage at 4.5 for around 3-4 months. I don't think I managed anything very successfully. Shouted a lot. Naughty step isn't effective anymore so that was useless. Sometimes just sent him to his room to let myself calm down. Mostly just waited it out! He's delightful now until the next phase hits

princesspants · 27/01/2014 18:32

I tell the kids I will sell them on e bay if they moan/whine/don't cuddle/fight and get a new boy/girl who doesn't do anything as stated. This seems to work a treat. You can have that one if you like !

I also say I will pack a bag and get on a train to Narnia and send for a new Mummy if they complain at me. So "it's not fair I wanted pasta and this fish is horrible you burnt it" Reply - "oh I am sorry I will pack my bag and get on the next train to Narnia and your new Mummy will be here first thing in the morning".
I get "Nooooo Mummy, I don't want a new Mummy, I want fish" - See what I did there.

Ok I might be messing them up for life but it quickly stops the above conversations going on too long.

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