Motherhood-life-balance how?

[littleraysofsunshine]

So I'm due with dc3 today (so I'm very hormonal) but just had a moody discussion with dp as I keep moaning at him about how he has his time (football on weekend day) and I don't get any time.

We have a three yo, & 20mo dds. I haven't worked as such since having dd1. I am hoping to start my business properly in a few years. As a mum I feel I want to give them my all. We do playgroups (use to be everyday) a few times a week, activities etc trying to do too much ?

He said life shouldn't stop when you have kids. Doing things for yourself, time outside of our family life. Which is true but I just get annoyed when family time is limited as he works full time, does his football and little time left for family & even us as a couple.

How do you get the right balance? I just always feel like I should be doing everything as I'm MUM.

Dp & I haven't had a date since last July. And that was the first in about two years

God knows! I'm expecting dc6 on Tuesday. Finished work Friday. I haven't been out socially in three & half years. Not even on my 40!

Exdp & I rarely ever went out after we had dc. No balance at all. A massive factor as to why we ended up parting.

See like now. I could have an hour to myself and go anywhere. But other than a coffee shop I have no where to go. No hobby - this is what he means I have no life outside of being a mum

The thing to ask yourself is are you happy with it just now? Maybe with 2 young children (and one pending) you don't really have the energy to invent something new for you to be doing.

I'm on mattie leave just now and I intend to just enjoy it as much as I can, I only have 2 sprogs, but some weeks I don't go out at all, but I'm happy with that.

If I had a spare hour I'd probably want a long bath or to read a book or to go and eat cake - I don't think this reflects on me not having a life, just that my choices for free time are maybe not that active or don't involve other people.

Losing that day at the weekend must be hard, me and DH are pretty much on the same page about family life in that our two boys come before anything, so our weekend are precious even if this weekend all we've done is play lego all day!

For couple times we have our evenings (DH doesn't work late) and we sometimes arrange a lunch out or before I had DS2 (whos' 8 months) we'd both book time off work when DS1 was at the childminders so we could have lunch together (or the odd romantic afternoon....) It wasn't every week (or every month) but we were happy with it and felt like we both had enough me/couple time.

When spring comes I aim to start doing a bit of cycling now and then and when I'm back at work, my social life may well pick up (the odd theatre trip with workmates etc) but I'm happy to wait until then - the key thing is if you're not, if you feel your workload is unbalanced, if you're not happy with how little family/couple time you get, then you need to raise these as valid concerns with DP and try and get a compromise (maybe only football every second week?)

I think you shouldn't worry too much about it just now.

How fast do you feel your DC's have grown? Do you think DC2 went even faster? Wait until DC3. I had my DC3 just a few months ago I think but he has somehow managed to sneak off and get to 17 months without me noticing!!

It's fast. I am starting to appreciate that now.

I feel like it was only last year I had a 4 yr old DS and a 2 yr old DD and was PG with #3. That time seemed to drag and I worried about how I was going to cope and how long would it be until we were 'out the bit' again. How long until I had a bit time for me and head space.
Ds1 is in Primary 2 and DD is due to start school in August when I can also put DS2 into a local playgroup 2/3 mornings a week.

I now worry it is all going too fast! I don't want them to grow as fast as DC1 has. Now that he is at school he seems distant from me. Out all day and disappears to play lego in his bedroom! I have to shout upstairs a lot to make sure he is still in!

Before we know it all 3 will be at school. They won't be our cute, funny LO's for long at all if DS1 is anything to go by so enjoy them and worry about what you are going to do when the time comes.

I look forward to going to the gym, getting more organised and being able to to more as a family but I don't dwell on it now.
I realise we only have babies briefly.

I've started going to the gym once a week when DC are in bed. Gets me out of the house and away from small children and noise.

I crochet in my spare time too. I don't have any desire for a 'hobby' which regularly takes me away from 'family time'.

I feel like I have the balance right now, my DC are 7 & 10. When they were under 5 the balance wasn't good, tbh.

DH has a boys trip each year, I have a girls trip. We go out the 2 of us once every few months, pay for a babysitter usually. Weekends we spend half apart DH and DS, and DD and I. This is due to their different activities. We make more of an effort therefore in remaining weekend time to do something as a family eg cycling etc.

So we socialise together, apart and just the two of us. Not loads but enough. We often have other families over too.

It's hard when they are little but sounds like you need a break. Esp if you are feeling resentful of DHs activity.

Gosh princesspants your post made me well up a little bit. So true.

We only have one DS, who is nearly two. I work three days per week, and DH works full time but on shifts. I am lucky because my hobby is also paid (doing concerts and rehearsals etc) so we make it a priority to facilitate this. We have family who help and use our lovely childminder for occasional babysitting, or ex students of mine if it's just for sitting in the house watching tv whilst DS is sleeping. DH's hobby is home-based with occasional exhibitions which he goes to with his dad or his friends (probably once every 6 weeks or so). We probably go out as a couple about the same amount as well. It's hard getting the balance right,I think having things to look forward to is really important as well.

That's the thing I feel princess. I never want to wish time away. I get emotional as I see how time is flying by. That's why I devote all of my time to them. I think it's just the fact of the small things I've lost sight of for myself or time with dp. A strained relationship won't make for a happy home. I end up being snappy but then I take it out on dp and say well I choose to give them all my time why don't you give them your spare time instead if football. For example.

I don't want to miss a thing. I didn't want dd1 to start preschool either but she was asking (goes every morning for three hours) I feel like it's all just moving too fast for me to cope with?
It's not the bigger things I want to do yet, no point as I'll be having a newborn aGain soon. It's just having those little moments and having a nice balance where I don't feel like I'm losing myself to my amazing role as a mother

That was meant as in, having the joy of being a mother. Not that I'm amazing lol

I also feel I try to accomplish too much which then leads to me feeling like in not supermum

You can't give your "all" to DCs and have anything left for yourself/ your relationship. How would you feel about taking a bit of yourself back? I know this is a hard time to answer that question when you are about to have DC3!

IMO both people in a couple should have equal amounts of time to do their own thing. So if your DH has a morning playing football, you should have the afternoon to see friends, sleep, eat cake or whatever.