Unrealistic Expectations from Dad - how to address without rowing!

[IamBlossom]

Hi, wondered how you thought I can address this.

I am about to pop, I hope, with number two child so my stress levels are high anyway and am a moody cow as am overdue. But this weekend has been unbearable. My DH is a great dad when things are going well but, probably because he works all week, DS (22 months) is unbelievably clingy to my DH at weekends and it drives him mental. He will not let him be for one second, is constantly saying Daddydaddydaddy and it really stresses my DH out. Plus he is MUCH worse behaved with DH than when is at home alone with me, and my DH if stressed already with the clinginess just can't take it and snaps, especially if it in the morning when he is trying to get ready for work and is moody already.

He comes out with such horrible statements like "our son is the naughtiest kid I know" and "you don't discipline him enough" and "your namby pamby time out technicques are obviously not working" (I use time out if I have to and don't beleive in smacking).

I know that it is just DS wanting attention and affection from my DH and my DH does give it in spades but I think he needs to ignore the constant whining and the asking to be carried if we are ever going to break the cycle. Plus I resent the accusations that I am not controlling my DS right when he doesn't act up for me in the same way at all. Plus, I think my DH just doesn't spend any time with other kids our DS's age like I do so he has no other children to compare his behaviour to - if he did he would realise he is being a completely normal nearly 2 year old!

All thoughts welcome please on a tactful way to stop this constant fighting between ourselves - I can't go on like this for much longer, we have argued constantly all weekend and the stress is killing me! The releif when DH left for work this morning was palpable and DS immediately calmed down and stopped whinging!

TIA.

Iamblossom, I really feel for you and your son and in my very humble opinion I think that your husband needs to sort himself out and give your son the attention he so obviously wants. I don't think your husband ignoring your son will solve anything and will only make your ds feel even more rejected. Just my opinion and don't want to make you feel even more crap.

Sorry, ways to solve the problem? Dad and son doing lots of stuff on their own together, even if it is just gardening/shopping/whatever.

What about 'engineering' for them to spend some time together in a place where there are other kids (play centre etc). You get a really good view of other kids and he'll also have to deal with the nightmare of getting them to leave. He might then realise where you are coming from.

Also with you having baby number two he will have to pull his finger out and help a bit more.

I think a playcentre scenario for the two of them would be a great idea Atilla, and I am much more likely to get that to happen when the baby comes as DH and DS will be off doing their own thing more when I am glued to a newborn.

DH does help out, he just can't stand being clung to, and I have to admit that if DS was like that with me for 6 hours straight I would go mad too, but he isn't.

It's just DH's lack of experience with small kids I think, and he needs to work on his patience, or lack thereof......