21 month old and discipline - help?

[Pigeonhouse]

My son is 21 months old and. from being a reasonably biddable little person, has very much started to push boundaries, throw toys and food, hit, be consciously 'naughty' in the full knowledge that whatever havoc he is wreaking is pushing our buttons - he's clever and very verbal.

At the moment, I mostly deal with it by distraction and removal, but I feel there must be more I should be doing. 21 months seems too young for time out/naughty step type of measures, or is it? Any suggestions for how to deal with such behaviour thoughtfully?

Marking my place as I have a 17 month old who is showing every sign of being a very strong-willed little boy, and starting to throw tantrums already . So I'd be interested to see what advice you are given!

To be honest, I agree with you that 21 months is much too young for naughty step etc. I would just stop him doing whatever 'naughty' thing he's doing, kneel down to look him in the eye and tell him in a calm, firm, serious voice 'No, we don't throw food/hit/whatever'. Then get up and move on to doing the next thing.

But all 3 of my DC would have erupted into tears at that, don't know if yours is the same! 2.5 year old DD gets sat on the naughty step occasionally now (only for a minute or two) and I don't feel that's particularly effective, I think I only do it so her older siblings see her being treated the same way as them.

if my 2.2 yr old is naughty I take him away from the situtation and explain why it was naughty.. eg "don't hit the television, you will break it and then we can't watch wall-e later". He might have a cry (depending on how strict my voice is - especially if it's a second offence) but after a minute or so he's back to normal.

and he doesn't hit the television again.

However, on some days this just doesn't work. he'll just keep doing something that I've told him not to. this is when we bustle into the pushchair and go out for a walk!!!

k

Undecided, that's pretty much exactly what I do, and until recently he would also have got very sad at that kind of gentle but firm rebuke, but no more. Now he does his best to wriggle away and roars 'Noooo!' and tries to carry on wreaking havoc. It just doesn't feel particularly effectual, but I can't quite think what might work better, other than praising good behaviour, distracting him and removing him from whatever he's doing...

KatyN, will try pointing out consequences, but he's clearly a more hardened character than either your son Or Undecided's daughter!

I think you've nailed it in last post. Say 'no', remove and distract. It doesn't seem like it's sinking in but it does, eventually. You could try ignoring as well (after removing them from the situation).
I realised that DD found that upsetting when she could speak better and cried "you not talking to me" Bless.

What has worked for us 100% from 1 year old (when they can understand verbal instructions):

Action and then explain and say no we don't hit / throw (whatever).
Repeated action - occurs either immediately or 3 days later or whenever it is (I said no, if you do that again I will put you in the corner / naughty step / wherever.
Repeated action (at whatever timescale) - straight to naghty step / corner etc.

I have consistently found with our kids that this resolves the issue within 2-3 days and then there's no reoccurence. except one of them who has special needs and we are needing more repetition with him.

kids v well behaved and we can take them anywhere and all 3 respond to 'the look'.

Heavens above - if you can teach a cat or dog how not to behave, then you can certainly teach a toddler/child.

distracting them isn't teaching them.
you don't need to be mean but you need to be firm and consistent.

I put DS on his bed to sit when he's naughty he is 23 mo have been doing it for about 3/4 months. He gets a couple of warnings 1st please don't do that it's not nice I don't like that 2nd if you do that again you will go to your room and not play with mummy 3rd time he goes to sit on his bed and will have a cry I wait about 30 seconds and come in tell him he was being naughty I don't want him to do it again and if he does it again he will need to sit alone in his bedroom.

He hates being sent away from all the action so it works well. I think it's actually meaner on them to ignore / distract because they are to young then bang they get to 3 and it's naughty step here I come, IMO the younger the better they accept it easier. I know people will say they can't understand but if you can train a 6mo that bed means sleep why can't you train a 12mo+ that no means no. If they can understand simple instructions like eat your food, bring that book they can understand don't do that.

lola - totally agree with you. 12+ months is perfectly old enough and it's unfair to distract - that's not helping anyone.

I know everyone does it in different way - I prefer to keep the bedroom out of discipline myself but know many who do use it.

I've not sleep trained myself either but always found it strange how people sleep train their children but say they don't understand no.

Telephone and Lola - I'm extremely firm and consistent. My son perfectly understands 'no', and has generally been responsive to instructions until literally the last couple of weeks, when he's clearly starting to push boundaries. Which is why I'm asking what I'm asking, because we need to find new ways of dealing with him now.

Can you tell me how you manage to make your small children stay on the 'naughty step' or equivalent? Don't they just jump off again and again?

Pigeonhouse - I completely get where you're coming from. DS at 17 months fully understands "no", and sometimes responds, but sometimes shouts "no no no!" or giggles and runs back to do the same thing again! I find he's much worse when tired or hungry - is that the same for your DS? I'm finding that getting him down for a nap as soon as he starts the naughty behaviour seems to help. I'm also working on my "stern" voice & face - it doesn't come naturally to me to be assertive, so I'm trying to learn before he gets too big!

There is no way he would stay in a corner/on a step - not sure how anyone gets a one year old to do that without physically pinning them to restrain them, which I don't feel comfortable with.

Yes, things certainly kick off when he's due a meal or a nap... But yes, also interested in how one enforces the time out/ naughty step short of straitjackets and chains.

A friend of mine can't get her LO to stay on the naughty step so she puts her in her cot (minus all toys) and that seems to work….