What to do when your child gets ignored by a friend?

[sheeplikessleep]

Ds1 is 6 and in year 1 (but a mixed 1/2 class). He talks about another boy, lets call him Frank, who is in year 2. They seemed to get along, run into school together etc.

So I approach franks mum, ask if Frank would like to come around for a play date, which he did last week and it seemed to go well.

I've just seen frank totally ignore my DS at the school gates. DS ran back to me and i played it down, maybe he didn't feel like talking today, leave him be, see your other friends etc.

DS seemed fine, if not totally realising that frank had so obviously blanked him. I just wondered if anyone else had any pearls of wisdom as to how to handle this?

I am going to encourage him to play with his other friends. He starts an after school club tonight, going around another boys house for tea at the weekend etc.

It pulls the heart strings this mothering business doesn't it!

That happens with my DS1 except our 'Frank' is actually horrible to DS. It's confusing for them and it's not fair. We can't help feeling sad but we are going to have to feel their rejection for them for the rest of their lives!

Hope that cheered you up... sorry.

That happens with my DS1 except our 'Frank' is actually horrible to DS. It's confusing for them and it's not fair. We can't help feeling sad but we are going to have to feel their rejection for them for the rest of their lives!

Hope that cheered you up... sorry.

So your ds wasn't bothered that Frank ignored him?

If so I would say don't let it worry you. DD is in Reception and they often just mill on past each other without speaking, they are probably playing together now!

I found that boys tend to do this when they are younger. I used to worry & ask my DS if everything was ok & he'd be confused that I was concerned. I don't think they see it as ignoring each other - they just don't feel the need to communicate verbally all the time. I think this is also reflected in how they play together. Boys tend to do more active play - football etc whilst DD & friends spend most playtimes chatting in groups. Obviously this is a massive generalisation but has been true with my DCs.

Thanks all for posting.

DS wasn't bothered, in that I don't think he realised he was being snubbed. Ds just kept asking him questions.

Maybe you're right Rusty, but Frank turned his back on DS. DS just walked around to face him again.

I guess I'm wondering how to encourage DS to 'cool off' of Frank, without making it a huge issue. I also need to harden up a bit.

Thanks all for posting btw

If you want the benefit of my experience then I suggest you keep well out of it unless your ds becomes upset.

What you observed was one moment in their friendship. You have no idea if it was representative or not, so how can you give appropriate advice?

Rather than try and get him to cool off 'Frank' why not encourage a variety of friendships and let him sort it out?

I have a son in year 2 and I can tell you that this happens a lot with boys, they don't mean anything by it, they just don't have the maturity yet to realise that being polite means acknowledging friends.
Don't make a bit deal of it otherwise your ds will pick up on it and start feeling upset.

Yes the same has happened with my ds1, who is in Reception and is generally a lively and sociable boy with plenty of friends. There is also a fair bit of "you're not my friend today" which does upset him a little at times. I generally don't make a big thing of it and tell him that if one of his friends is being silly and doesn't want to play with him, then to go and find some of his other friends to play with who won't be silly. I also encourage him to play more with his friends from the same year as him, rather than the older years. There will inevitably be a bit of cold-shouldering from the older boy otherwise, who will likely prioritise his mates who are the same age as him in the scenario you described. And yes - being a mum hurts!!

Thankyou, you are all right. DS seemed fine last night and talked about playing with frank yesterday. I do need to let him work things out for himself and be there if he needs me. It was just a couple of minutes, so a snapshot.

Thanks for the voices of experience.

Do NOT get involved with fallings out or squabbles or indeed anything that does not involve active bullying or physical violence.

You will live to regret it.