Why does he behave like this? 8 year old boy misbehaving.

[Quinteszilla]

My sons are 11 and 8. They can both be prone to silliness, that is expected, they are children. But ds2 is a real windup merchant.

We always have issues in the car. If he is at the front, he annoys me by either touching me, playing with the controls, the radio, grabbing my phone (with gps running). If he is in the back with his brother he will start fighting with him. If his brother is in the front and he is alone in the back, he will throw things forward. Like a toy, or bits of paper.

If we are at the bank, or like today at the embassy to sort passports, he forces me to keep his focus on HIM rather than let me do what I have to do, so I get side tracked and stressed.

I hardly ever bring them with me to do stuff for this reason but sometimes it cant be annoyed.

I honestly dont know what to do. Sanctions dont work. He does not care. He is all smiles and "I love you mum" whatever I do.

After all this stress, they did NOT get the treat of cake in the top floor of Peter Jones in Sloane Square with views over London, we headed straight back to "our village", where we had another errand, to open ds2s childrens account with card.

The whole trip had been such a palavar that when I heard lots of faffing and shoving behind me, I turned to look, and stumbled in a lose paving stone and have sprained my ankle.

We did not go to the bank, we hobbled back to the car and I drove home.

And I did not bother making home made nachos pizza as I had promised. I cant walk.

He behaves like that because, as you say yourself, sanctions don't work.
You need to think of something that will have an effect on DS2 but not DS1. And be consistent and stick to your word.

No pocket money, no trips out, no play station, stuff like that?

He sounds unsafe to have in the car. I'd come down on DS (also 8) like a ton of bricks if he behaves like this in the car - I throw a wobbly if he even shouts unexpectedly in the car as I really think its unsafe when someone is trying to drive.

I'd have a serious word with him about safety and tell him very clearly what will happen if he continues to behave like this. Cancel football club whatever he enjoys and it will stay cancelled until he behaves normally.

Can he control himself elsewhere - school etc?

And is he tall enough to be in the front? DS isn;t and he's not short for an 8 year old.

He is a model child in school.

He is counting on us not wanting to deprive ds1, so if he is out with me and ds1, he misbehaves because there is only ONE adult, so we can separate and let ds1 have an outing while ds2 goes home, etc. So today, neither got cake in Peter Jones, ds1 did not get to open his bank account, and I did not make nachos pizza, which is the best pizza in the world, because 1. I was pissed off, and 2 it was too labour intensive with a sprained ankle.

Ds1 got to play COD (borrowed from neighbour) and ds2 was grounded to his room, and no ice cream for pudding. He is banned from screen time out this week. He was still trying to talk me around, but did not succeed.

Ummm, is there a height limit? He is 139.

You have my sympathy. There are few things more annoying than boys of this age - I have two!!

The car is a hot spot - they both play their Nintendo ds which keeps things reasonably calm, although they insist on connecting so there is a bit of shouting from them when they do this. It's something I tell them off for all the time as I think it is very distracting for me the driver, if they do not play their nintendos though, the fighting and arguing is worse.

Having said that leaving the house/getting dressed/meal times are also hot spots.

I cannot send the pair of them upstairs on their own to do anything without it descending into a fight. Tonight is a classic example, I had to go up, pull them off each other and put them in separate bathrooms to brush teeth then they get sent to bed with no kiss and cuddle from me. A horrid end to everyone's day.

It's the same old things over and over and over they never seem to learn. Dh said to me the other day "they were your idea, I never wanted them, think how lovely our lives would be" etc and he was only half joking.

139 is fine - he needs a child restraint up to 135

I'd make the sanctions way more punitive. Not getting a bit of cake isn't a major sanction. He's old enough to have a delayed punishment but not too delayed but something he really values away. In DS's case it would be his sports clubs - he gets banned and can earn them back by being well behaved but only when he's been well behaved.

You may to go through weeks of being mean before the penny drops. Or leave him somewhere very boring and don't take him anywhere nice.

"Or leave him somewhere very boring "

Maybe I can ask if he can sit i the embassy waiting room every day for half term.......

Its not fair on his brother though is it? Do you have a partner, as then you can take one and not the other. And the one at home gets to sit quietly whilst the adult goes about his business, not have fun.

If not, what works with mine is " you know, I promised dd a cake at x which we will be doing and you will sit and watch her eat it. You won't be having one" and you are not spoiling things for dd.

So continue with your promise ( manageable to split, so think it through) and if he makes a fuss, so be it. If you are kind but firm you won't have to do it more than once.

and a handy course of child care too!

Exactly the same at our house, OP. Mine are 9 and 7 and they drive me insane. They have a love-hate relationship and are very much inseparable at the moment which makes it even more complicated trying to work out who actually started misbehaving first. Alone, they are perfectly capable of doing simple things but ask them to get anything done together and chaos descends. I do things like remove ipad privileges, cancel stories if they act up at bedtime or revoke inclusion in family movie night (DS1 hates this). My DS1 sounds very much like your DS2...it's like he has to be engaging with someone at ALL TIMES and he'll do whatever he can to make that happen, even if it means annoying people .

In some strange way it is reassuring to hear it is normal.

When I am on my own with the 8 year old, he is nice as pie!

oh yes - 1 on 1 - easy peasy.