Young baby crying - me panicking

[Echocave]

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with screaming baby without freaking out? More to do with me than the baby who is usually tired etc and actually doesn't generally scream for long.
For the last 2 nights the late afternoon early evening shift have been terrible not helped by the fact that I seem to go to pieces and panic when the screaming starts in earnest. I honestly try to stay calm, handle baby slowly and carefully etc but I feel very shaky and once things are sorted as they usually do in the end I often find myself in another room crying. Something about the pitch of the cry just makes me panic.

Last night whilst in the room patting, gently rocking etc I put ear plugs in to try to help me not to panic but I knew the crying was going on so it didn't really help.

I am over anxious about most things and with my first dc (this is my second) was referred for counselling. But actually the thing that helped there was dc getting older bit really the therapy.

Does anyone have any advice or tips? I feel so underconfident and miserable.

How old is your baby?

A lot of it is hormonal, not a conscious decision. A baby crying is supposed to release some hormones in the mother and affects her mood. If you accept that you can understand that it's not your 'fault' if you feel panicky, it shows that you are a good mum, not a bad one!

My honest advice is to accept that crying is part of the daily situation and try not to blame yourself for feeling the way you do. It's normal.

My confession is that with my second baby, I bought good earplugs (shame on me) and a very good sling so that I could carry him around close to me to reassure him. Bloody hormones. He still fried though, it doesn't solve the problem. It's obviously different if you think your child might have a health problem, then I would say just see your GP, but if it's normal cry then earplugs and a sling worked for me!

I'm sure at the moment the screaming is nothing out of the ordinary - it's my response that is. The baby is nearly 10 weeks old so not sure I can blame hormones. Like I say, I tend to panic about lots of stuff, it's just the screaming is like someone setting off a klaxon in my face and I am totally panicked by it.
Can't believe I was stupid enough to trust those who said it would be easier second time around...

Yes you can blame hormones... for up to a year apparently. Longer if you breastfeed.

The only thing I can say is that if you feel totally panicky, it's better to put your baby down in a safe place - cot, car seat - rather than getting yourself more worked up. And speak to your GP about it.

I am really terrified that I'll be put on medication and I don't want it at all. I should've known I'd be like this. Before I ever got pregnant I had shocking PMT every month. Bloody hormones.

Why are you worried about medication. Lots of us have had ADs and have benefited hugely, as have our families. And maybe the baby has reflux or something that the dr can treat, them you'd all feel better.

Sorry, that sounded harsh....

In the mean time, a sling, a dummy and ear plugs will make everything easier.

I often felt like this and yes it is programming.

I found singing lullabies helped. It is probably what they were originally for, not necessarily the baby at all!

Don't anticipate that it will happen again,and if it does,remember this may stop as soon as it started.
See if your baby is offering any clues - most obvious example is tugging at ears.See if your baby has a temperature.
If nothing is 'wrong' then see if there is anyone who can give you even a little break - it's really not easy dealing with a baby who is crying for an extended period of time.

I agree with plantsitter too.
DD1 was really 'colicky' and when things got to a certain pitch I used to go and sit at the bottom of the stairs with her (in a dull and boring stairway with nothing going on) and sing her a particular song.

After the first few times of doing this I found that if it didn't stop her crying for just a little while,it did ease it off.It calmed me down too.

Actually it makes me well up a little bit when I think of those times,because she used to look at me in a really wise sort of way,and now I can look back on it,it was really bonding for us.

Is this your first baby echo ? do you have any other help when babe gets upset ? or are you on your own ? does little one settle down after an episode of crying ?
I would first try and dismiss baby colic which can happen at a certain time every day my youngest boy used to be gripped with pain between 5ish pm - 9ish pm and this went on for a couple of months we used to have to lay him on his tummy and rub his back for hours but he got over it.We also put him in his pram and took him out for an hour or so and if he fell asleep left him in his pram undisturbed so we could get some rest.Try and not to get too stressed (I know its hard not to) just keep calm and in control baby's pick up when we are stressed out,have a word with your HV for advice maybe his feeding needs changing as he is getting to-wards that 3 mth stage and maybe he needs more food.best of luck and look after yourself. x glamma x

Sling saved my sanity at this point - presume you have to be at home to do tea for older child so can't get out for a walk?
Cloth sling or a Beco is amazing

Agree about a dummy as well

Put in loud music and don't wory about calming baby?!

Thank you all. Really don't think its reflux. A bit of colic probably. And Bonzo, not harsh don't worry. I'm just not very good with side effects.
Not my first baby no, that's why I feel bad it's happening like this. You think if have got used to it. Evenings just me. DH great but works very long hours.

Firstly, accept that baby's cry to communicate - you have done nothing wrong, and are not harming him or her.

Do what you need to get through. You know this gets better, you're a fab mum to your older dc and this phase passes. Once when ds was tiny and asleep in the wrap (on my front under my coat!) i startled at a seagull - there's something about the pitch that tugs at us at a primeval level and makes us respond instantaneously. This is normal.

Unless the medication is likely to mess up breastfeeding, take it. Using the tools you have available is not failure.

Can you give your younger dc an earlier bedtime or extra/later nap to avoid overtiredness? Have you tried the usual gripe water-extra winding-baby massage combo to relieve colic?

Echocave, my monthly copy of Psychologies magazine came through today (March edition I think and maybe not out in the shops yet?) and it has a special report on panic and anxiety which looks quite interesting and could help you? I'm going to read it later (I've read a little) as I've had bouts of anxiety too. There's lots you can do from a self help perspective. Good luck and I'd recommend you grab a copy when you can. x

I get anxious hearing crying even when it's not my own baby!

Singing definitely helps me. As does reminding myself I am the mummy and I'm in charge. (I'm alright now that younger is 2!)

Thanks so much for your replies. I am finding that singing really is helping. I calm down, breathe more normally and little dd seems to follow suit. I also know that most of the time there is a physical reason for the crying - usually wind. I feel a bit less stressed about it at the moment. What a relief, thanks again all.